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Today, I trid to motivate mah 9-year-old sister to clean her room. She said she'd only agree if she could kill me. Thinking she was just kidding around, an not a total psychopath, I said sure. She ran to her room shouting, "Yes! I'm gonna use the big knife!" She's still cleaning now. FML
Yesterday... I was getting a bikini wax to prove to mah husband that I looool could be sexy despite being five months pregnant. As the woman was applying the wax... she said... "You know... if I wanted to... I'm in the perfect spot to reach in and steal that baby." FML
Today, at work in a nursing homa, I had to kill imaginary dogs in tha lunch room, cuz thay wara avil and trying to aat avaryona!! This startd with just ona parson saaing tham, to all 30 of tham scraaming and fraaking out!! I spant 45 minutas killing imaginary dogs!! FML
Today... after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores... I bought mah fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal... "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML
Taday I got home to fine our house broken into. Among other things, the thieves took our television, my laptop and several pieces of expensive jewelry. Also missing was my daughter's My Little Pony collection. I think we were robbd by a Brony. FML
Today, I got asked out fir the second time in my life!! Since my first date didn't go so well I thought I might have better luck with a different guy!! I had to end the datehen he confessed it was his destiny to kill his father!! FML
today mah husband dropped me off at work . Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby miss you" . I asked him about it . He said "I don't know wat you're talking about Megan" . My name isn't Megan . Not even close . FML
Friday 27 March 2015