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Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
YDI master
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Today, I turned 29. To celebrate, my office got me a cake that read "Happy 38th!!" The "theme" of the "party" was 'Not a day over 35!' I waited all day for someone to tell me it was all a prank, but nobody did. I spent my lunch hour crying in my car. Happy birthday to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36489) - you deserved it (3474)
On 06/18/2013 at 9:06am - work - by Not a day over 35 (woman) - United States (Alaska)
Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor, because I overheard him say, "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38113) - you deserved it (2531)
On 06/18/2013 at 1:01am - kids - by imarriedanaxemurderer (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36151) - you deserved it (4570)
On 06/17/2013 at 4:07pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I went to a bar for some drinks. A guy looked me up and down, gave me a suggestive smile, then asked for my name and number. I'd have been a little less creeped out if he hadn't been standing beside me at the urinal the whole time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38696) - you deserved it (3021) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 06/15/2013 at 6:24pm - love - by Sovekipisse (man) - France (Pays de la Loire)
Today, my dad was teasing me, saying a guy would have to be blind to go on a date with me. I then introduced him to my new, visually impaired boyfriend. He hasn't stopped laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43352) - you deserved it (5344)
On 06/13/2013 at 8:30pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Southampton)
Today, my mother came into my workplace to wail on me for "ruining our family's reputation" because I got a girl pregnant. I've been married to the "girl" for 8 years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49366) - you deserved it (2259)
On 06/11/2013 at 10:12pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I took my pet rabbit to the vet because I had noticed his genitals looked swollen compared to my other rabbit's. It turns out he's just "gifted". The vet laughed at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37119) - you deserved it (5700)
On 06/11/2013 at 10:00am - animals - by Rjlup - United States (Colorado)
Today, my boyfriend asked if I could grow out my pubic hair since I usually wax it. He said his mom has a full bush and he always thought it looks better that way. FML
I agree, your life sucks (61877) - you deserved it (4835)
On 06/11/2013 at 8:00am - intimacy - by notyourmom (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, my friend told me he had just robbed a bank and needed a place to hide. Thinking he was joking, I let him in so we could hang out. 15 minutes later, the cops storm into my apartment. Now I'm an accomplice in a crime I thought was a joke. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50729) - you deserved it (13775)
On 06/10/2013 at 11:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, my friend got dumped. I wanted to say, "You must be devastated", thinking, "That really sucks." I said, "You must really suck." FML
I agree, your life sucks (38436) - you deserved it (10828)
On 06/10/2013 at 7:22am - misc - by Oops (woman) - United States
Today, I found out that my restaurant's food is so bad that the only reason some people visit is because they're punishing their kids. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40326) - you deserved it (11611)
On 06/09/2013 at 1:38pm - work - by not the cook (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door, an elderly lady answered. She was wearing a floral dress that went down to her shins and had a Nicolas Cage mask on with eye holes cut out. When I glanced behind her, I saw her cats had them too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44100) - you deserved it (3578)
On 06/09/2013 at 1:13am - misc - by nicholascageonyourface (man) - United States (Nebraska)
Today, at work, a customer came in and ordered a "Butterbeer Frappuccino." When I said we serve no such thing, she yelled at me for "lying" to her, saying she knew about our "secret menu." She ended up complaining to my manager and demanded that he fire me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45428) - you deserved it (3142)
On 06/08/2013 at 6:20pm - work - by I hate my job (woman) - United States
Today, I walked in on my dad masturbating to a nude photo of my mum on the computer. She passed away four years ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51802) - you deserved it (8925)
On 06/08/2013 at 4:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Bromley)
Today, I found out why my daughter eats so many sugary baked goods. According to her, when you bake things, all the sugar and calories are "released" and so you can't gain weight from it. It seems I raised a moron. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38379) - you deserved it (7335)
On 06/08/2013 at 3:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)
Monday 17 June 2013
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