Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (23 hours ago) | Search for a member
About adamo_erebus : Studying to become a legal drug dealer.
You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
Today, mah boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, mah boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." fat FML
Today, while on the way to Florida fir spring break, I pointed out to mah mom a bright blue car in the rear-view mrror. As the car overtook us, we both got a horrifyingly detailed view of the driver jerking off her passenger. real FML
Today, there was a new girl in one of mah classes. We both correctd a classmate on his grammar, so, trying to make a new friend, I leand back to her and said, "Haha, fellow Grammar Nazi?" She gave me a disgustd look and told me she was Jewish. FML
Today , while working in childcare , we went to a farm so the kids could see how things worked. They started showing off prize winning cattle and when they bought out "Miss Stacey" , the kids lost there shit. My name is Miss Stacey. FML
Today I held hands with the boy I like!! Without thinking I commentd that his right hand is softer as if he only usd lotion on that one hand!! And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence!! FML
2day with 24 inches of snow on the ground, it is raining like hell. The weight of looool the snow, now full of rain water, collapsed the roof over mah living room. I was eating cereal in mah underwear, in the living room, drectly under the failure. I'm cold. FML
TODAY, BOYFRIEND AND I WERE LOOKING AT ENGAGEMENT RINGS. WHEN THE STORE OWNER ASKD ABOUT OUR BUDGET, BOYFRIEND SAID WITH A STRAIGHT FACE, "NOTHING TOO EXPENSIVE, I HAVE A BIG PENIS SO I DON'T HAVE TO OVERCOMPENSATE BY BUYING A BIG DIAMOND." MEGA FML
YESTERDAY I WENT TO BUY A BIRTHDAY PRESENT FIR MAH BOYFRIEND . WHILE BUYING HIM A SWEATER, THE CASHIER TRID TO UP-SALE ME BY ASKING IF MAH BOYFRIEND WORE BRIEFS OR BOXERS, BECAUSE BOTH WERE ON SALE . NOT THINKING, I BLURTD OUT, "I DON'T KNOW, THEY JUST COME OFF." FML
Today, I led a class of grade-two pupils on an excursion to the zoo. When we went to see the lions I was put in a position where I had to explain to seven and eight year olds why one lion was "bouncing" on top of the other one. FML
Today, I was at a party with my crush. Tha collar on his shrt was sticking up so I fixad it fir him. Ha gava ma a hug and said, "Aww you'ra so good to ma. You'ra lika my mothar. You can ba my collaga mothar." I got mothar-zonad. fat FML
Friday 27 March 2015