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acoundou

Offline (the 10/30/2014 at 8:38pm) | Search for a member

acoundou

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  • Number of visits : 167
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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acoundou's favorite FMLs

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying I needed to come home immediately. When I got there, he informed me that the reason I needed to rush home from work was because he wiped a booger on the wall and it was in the shape of a penis. He said it's a sign, like when people see Jesus in toast. FML

#20189885
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20739) - you deserved it (2911)

On 12/03/2012 at 7:38pm - misc - by FlyingFist - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when the condom broke. He told me to go put a tampon in to "soak up the kids". How did he graduate? FML

#20186465
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42940) - you deserved it (6709)

On 12/01/2012 at 9:54am - intimacy - by me. - United States

Today, my dad grounded me for two weeks for profusely swearing at my misbehaving laptop. After some arguing, he actually accepted my half-joking offer to play a game of CoD over it. His condition was that if I lost, my grounding period would double. We played. He kicked my ass. FML

#20185812
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7074) - you deserved it (29175)

On 11/30/2012 at 8:28pm - misc - by goodbye cruel world (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was playing with my four year old cousin. He had a toy whale and said, "Shark!" I corrected him and told him it was a whale. He picked it up, threw it at my face, and yelled, "SHAAARK!" FML

#20176364
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18405) - you deserved it (6872)

On 11/24/2012 at 8:59am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the Apple store to try and figure out what's going on with my iPhone. After an hour of speaking to three different geniuses and waiting around, their solution was to "Google it." FML

#20171869
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21685) - you deserved it (3394)

On 11/21/2012 at 12:42am - misc - by Jo - United States (California)

Today, my dog climbed onto the dining room table to eat the cat's food. Then whined until I showed him how to get down. He does this every night. My dog is a genius. FML

#20171812
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16174) - you deserved it (4366)

On 11/21/2012 at 12:00am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, a nearby volcano erupted for the second time. We were all urged to keep our windows and doors closed in case of ash clouds. My father responded by opening every window and door and shouting, "Come at me, bro!" FML

#20171802
167 comments

Today, my girlfriend looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know about the sea turtles." I asked her what she was talking about and she said, "Next time, shut up or I'll show you pain." I have no idea what she's talking about. FML

#20170012
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20784) - you deserved it (1944)

On 11/19/2012 at 8:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked in on my son teabagging his sister over a video game. FML

#20156633
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22243) - you deserved it (2886)

On 11/09/2012 at 7:30pm - kids - by john r.t. (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML

#20154996
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16408) - you deserved it (26980)

On 11/08/2012 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by shit.... (man) - Malaysia (Selangor)

Today, I was told that my insurance will no longer cover my birth control as it's deemed "unnecessary" for a man, which, according to them, I've been since August. I'm definitely still a woman. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered "cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML

#20145795
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34606) - you deserved it (3637)

On 11/03/2012 at 2:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, after therapy for obsessing over every woman who talks to me, all I could think about was how I could seduce my therapist. I think I still need a lot of help. FML

#20133155
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20723) - you deserved it (5206)

On 10/25/2012 at 7:09pm - love - by mental - United States

Today, I discovered my son, who has recently moved out of our home, eating his dog's food. His excuse? He wanted the new Pokemon game, and "compromises had to be made". FML

#20122132
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21001) - you deserved it (2673)

On 10/18/2012 at 4:33am - kids - by anon - Australia

Today, I was watching TV with my mom, when a plumbing ad came on. A hot guy showed up on-screen and said "I'm here to snake your drain." My mom immediately piped up with, "Oh, I'd let him snake my drain any day." Thanks for that imagery, mom. FML

#20101823
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20504) - you deserved it (2676)

On 10/04/2012 at 7:24pm - misc - by disgusted (woman) - United States (Tennessee)



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