About acneegg : Sup. I'm Alice and em yeah. Sorry I'm not in a very imaginative mood ;) Enjoy.
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was trying to get drama students to attempt to make themselves cry. I was not having any luck, until suddenly a girl burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably. I jumped up to applaud, saying what a wonderful thing it is to have such expressive kids. Turns out her grandma just died. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46740) - you deserved it (7684)
On 04/02/2009 at 8:37pm - misc - by dramateach11 (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I got up early to prank my family. I put a bucket of ice water on top of a door frame so whoever walked through would get an icy surprise. After I was done, I went back to bed. I woke up groggy and disoriented like always and walked right through the doorway I had rigged. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10451) - you deserved it (114650)
On 04/01/2009 at 6:42am - misc - by blackvogue (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was shaving off my beard for the first time in a very long time. I decided to have a little fun with it, and shaved my beard first into a goatee, then a handle-bar, then, finally, into a Hitler mustache. My electric razor dies. I don't have a normal one or an extra battery. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30860) - you deserved it (65567)
On 03/25/2009 at 10:13am - misc - by nomorebeard (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my friends decided that I eat too many snacks. To emphasize this point, they went behind my back and printed 300 pages with my face and the words "NO SNACKS" on them. They were posted in every academic building on campus, including every room I have class in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58357) - you deserved it (7785)
On 03/25/2009 at 1:45am - misc - by face (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML
I agree, your life sucks (189461) - you deserved it (21123)
On 03/22/2009 at 6:38am - intimacy - by konens_dick (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, when I was at the gynecologist my dr told me that I was really tense and the exam would be impossible if I didnt relax. So I started thinking about my boyfriend to relax and my mind went back to our last sex session. I started getting wet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16961) - you deserved it (51783)
On 03/19/2009 at 3:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was walking through Macy's with my girlfriend. I stopped to admire a mannequin's ass, joking with my girlfriend like I was touching it. Then I slapped it. It wasn't a mannequin. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33534) - you deserved it (146915)
On 03/17/2009 at 6:16am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was teaching a swimming lesson to 6-7 year old boys and girls. I recently broke up with my boyfriend so I haven't been taking care of my bikini line. While I was demonstrating how to do a whip-kick out of the water one of the boys said, "You have a beard coming out of your bathing suit!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (34248) - you deserved it (52953)
On 03/14/2009 at 10:27pm - kids - by superfkd (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was on the subway. I have fairly serious OCD, so I avoided holding the poles or handles. All the seats were taken, so I leaned against a wall. At the next stop, an obese, sweaty man got on and grabbed the two poles around me, effectively hugging me. My shirt was wet when he left. FML
I agree, your life sucks (63790) - you deserved it (4324)
On 03/13/2009 at 12:00am - misc - by Anon (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41011) - you deserved it (247468)
On 03/12/2009 at 5:30am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)
Today, I was at work and a very obese woman came in to get a pedicure. When she took her shoes off I noticed an odd black substance on her feet. I started scrubbing it off and wondered out loud, "What IS this stuff??" As a chunk of it fell onto my lip, she replied, "Girl, that's just the fungus." FML
I agree, your life sucks (87802) - you deserved it (5214)
On 03/10/2009 at 7:55am - work - by SalonGirl (woman) - United States (California)
Today, a creepy man on the subway said he liked my eyeballs. It was the best compliment I've received in months. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51741) - you deserved it (2851)
On 03/04/2009 at 7:29pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I got my eyebrows waxed for the first time in a few months. Once she finished, she handed me the mirror and asked, "How does it feel to look human again?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (38293) - you deserved it (9540)
On 03/03/2009 at 11:51am - misc - by bluedevil26 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I got my eyebrows waxed for the first time in a few months. Once she finished, she handed me the mirror and asked, "How does it feel to look human again?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (38293) - you deserved it (9540)
On 03/03/2009 at 11:51am - misc - by bluedevil26 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I came home to find that my room had been ransacked. My mom comes out of no where and says that we need to have a talk. I freaked out thinking it was all the empty alcohol bottles under my bed. My mom holds up the birth control and says "I always knew you were a whore." FML
I agree, your life sucks (54454) - you deserved it (12870)
On 03/02/2009 at 4:03pm - misc - by Stairway2Heaven - Canada (British Columbia)
Friday 24 May 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
