Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

acneegg

Search for a member

acneegg

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 25 April 1995 (19 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2968
  • Number of comments : 11
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About acneegg : Sup. I'm Alice and em yeah. Sorry I'm not in a very imaginative mood ;) Enjoy.

acneegg's page activity

Visits<b>abattior</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 6:21pm<b>fiixon</b> - the 09/19/2014 at 6:01am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 08/22/2014 at 11:11am<b>abdiG</b> - the 07/30/2014 at 11:11pm<b>jentlemen</b> - the 06/27/2014 at 11:25am<b>deusetnatura</b> - the 06/09/2014 at 4:26am<b>Earrings100</b> - the 05/08/2014 at 9:19am<b>jones124</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 12:27am<b>myoukei</b> - the 02/21/2014 at 11:30pm<b>Serquet70</b> - the 02/08/2014 at 4:27pm<b>hare</b> - the 01/29/2014 at 5:44am<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/22/2014 at 5:54pm<b>luckytaim</b> - the 01/06/2014 at 10:43pm<b>BiGBoYWaNTsSoDa</b> - the 01/05/2014 at 2:17am<b>PenultimateTaco</b> - the 12/12/2013 at 10:50pm<b>sybyabraham</b> - the 12/09/2013 at 1:57pm<b>greeneyebeauty9</b> - the 12/04/2013 at 7:53pm<b>Meggieeeee5</b> - the 11/27/2013 at 9:02pm

acneegg's FML badges

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of acneegg's badges

acneegg's favorite FMLs

Today, I was playing songs at a funeral in my church. As the organ wasn't in tune I had to use an electronic piano instead. All was going well until in the end of a speech, I accidentally hit the 'demo' button. None of the grieving relatives were impressed by my drum beats and turntable scratches. FML

#4344107
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38522) - you deserved it (6675)

On 08/06/2009 at 8:22pm - work - by Jacky-Boy (man) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, I was working the lighting for a drama production. In the last scene, two characters realize they are in love and kiss, then the stage goes dark. I mixed up my settings, and instead of a blackout, flashing party lights started going off. 300 people turn around to stare at me. FML

#4285773
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15239) - you deserved it (34635)

On 08/04/2009 at 4:22pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my friends had ditched me for a party I hadn't been invited to so I was sitting home alone. The only other thing in my house was the mosquito I nicknamed Fred. I liked to watch Fred fly around and try to suck my blood. 20 minutes later, I found Fred's dead body. I was actually sad. FML

#4158002
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57263) - you deserved it (17208)

On 07/30/2009 at 10:43am - animals - by dumbo (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML

#4113781
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49807) - you deserved it (7802)

On 07/28/2009 at 6:28pm - intimacy - by notsexy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my nose was really stuffed up and I was out of cold medicine. I heard spices may help with this kind of problem. Unfortunately I thought red pepper would be a great thing to snort at the time. Not only is my nose still stuffed up but I also have immense nasal pain. FML

#4046388
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6421) - you deserved it (76693)

On 07/26/2009 at 1:57am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I turned 18. I thought it was bad enough that I had to pick up my own ice cream cake from the store, but then when I got home, my family discovered no more room in the freezer. They decided to eat it so it wouldn't melt. Without me. FML

Today, I was driving on the freeway when I get a call from my friend explaining that our two best friends died in a car accident. I pulled over in hysterics and a cop came to see what was wrong. I explained what happened and he gave me a ticket for talking on the phone while driving. FML

#3951718
338 comments

I agree, your life sucks (99027) - you deserved it (15471)

On 07/22/2009 at 1:13pm - misc - by sadinseattle (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I finally told my parents I would be changing bedrooms because I could no longer stand hearing them having sex, which is awkward and disturbing. Later, my dad came and asked me quietly if I thought my mom sounded "satisfied." FML

#3919884
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82894) - you deserved it (5670)

On 07/21/2009 at 12:39am - intimacy - by fmjob (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, after a night of partying, I woke up in the middle of my co-ed dorm lobby to the sound of giggles. I was in a thong with $1 monopoly bills sticking out. I'm a guy. FML

#3849129
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14203) - you deserved it (46269)

On 07/18/2009 at 2:03am - misc - by joedoe (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit and she screamed "Don't touch me there!". Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML

#3782569
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45243) - you deserved it (6529)

On 07/15/2009 at 7:22pm - kids - by shway (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was in the gas station and I saw this creepy lady staring at me and smiling. She just didn't stop. I even gave an awkward wave to let her know that I saw her staring at me. Finally I decided to confront the woman, turns out the overly happy woman was a cardboard cut out FML

#3763600
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13227) - you deserved it (61047)

On 07/15/2009 at 12:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I didn't call her in the last few days. I tried to explain to her that I was out at my grandfather's house in a remote place with no cell service to stand by him on his death bed. She thought I was making excuses and called me a lying bastard. FML

#3759649
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52454) - you deserved it (4042)

On 07/14/2009 at 10:17pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I woke up from a nap to hear my roommate having some intimate time with his hand. The slopping and slurping sounds along with the girly man squeal as he finished haunted me all day. FML

#3646272
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59135) - you deserved it (3849)

On 07/10/2009 at 5:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Iraq (Arbil)



FML's blog

  • Krumla's Illustrated FML
  • It's Friday, so a bold font is required. I was sitting in my caravan by the side of busy road cooking cocktail sausages over a gas stove when I realised it was time to start writing something about this…

Friday 24 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: