Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

acneegg

Search for a member

acneegg

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 25 April 1995 (19 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2720
  • Number of comments : 11
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About acneegg : Sup. I'm Alice and em yeah. Sorry I'm not in a very imaginative mood ;) Enjoy.

acneegg's page activity

Visits<b>jentlemen</b> - the 06/27/2014 at 11:25am<b>deusetnatura</b> - the 06/09/2014 at 4:26am<b>Earrings100</b> - the 05/08/2014 at 9:19am<b>jones124</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 12:27am<b>myoukei</b> - the 02/21/2014 at 11:30pm<b>Serquet70</b> - the 02/08/2014 at 4:27pm<b>hare</b> - the 01/29/2014 at 5:44am<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/22/2014 at 5:54pm<b>luckytaim</b> - the 01/06/2014 at 10:43pm<b>BiGBoYWaNTsSoDa</b> - the 01/05/2014 at 2:17am<b>PenultimateTaco</b> - the 12/12/2013 at 10:50pm<b>sybyabraham</b> - the 12/09/2013 at 1:57pm<b>greeneyebeauty9</b> - the 12/04/2013 at 7:53pm<b>Meggieeeee5</b> - the 11/27/2013 at 9:02pm<b>Warez</b> - the 11/22/2013 at 3:42am<b>DemolitionLovers</b> - the 10/06/2013 at 11:29am<b>showmeyourears</b> - the 10/03/2013 at 9:52pm<b>FindingYujin</b> - the 09/21/2013 at 9:48pm

acneegg's FML badges

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of acneegg's badges

acneegg's favorite FMLs

Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML

#18465913
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10972) - you deserved it (87225)

On 12/09/2011 at 1:11am - misc - by blondie101 - United States

Today, while at my job as a hostess, I was seating a couple and their adorable little girl. I tried to ask how old she was, but what came out was, "Aww, what breed is she?" FML

#18039986
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16884) - you deserved it (30646)

On 10/21/2011 at 5:27pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while performing a rectal exam on my female patient, I inadvertently said, "Okay, you're going to feel some pleasure now." I meant "pressure". Her husband was in the room. FML

#18014569
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41651) - you deserved it (8477)

On 10/18/2011 at 11:01am - intimacy - by imy - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to take my son to the emergency room for shooting himself in the ass with a BB gun. FML

#17989700
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26996) - you deserved it (4611)

On 10/15/2011 at 1:05pm - kids - by myfamilyisodd (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I woke up after having a wet dream about Marge Simpson. I really need to get laid. FML

#17960202
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33591) - you deserved it (8199)

On 10/11/2011 at 3:06pm - intimacy - by margelover (man) - Denmark (Nordjylland)

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob. It gave him a panic attack. FML

#17685496
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30209) - you deserved it (4795)

On 09/07/2011 at 12:10am - intimacy - by Nublet (woman) - United States

Today, I had to go to the hospital to get a harmonica removed from my mouth. FML

#17675757
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12509) - you deserved it (23799)

On 09/05/2011 at 10:52pm - health - by wheezy (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my grandmother pulled down her pants and screamed, "Kiss my ass" in the middle of a packed restaurant. FML

#17669006
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29585) - you deserved it (2746)

On 09/05/2011 at 9:00am - misc - by Brie - United States (Georgia)

Today, my little brother proudly informed me that he found a way to suck pool water up his asshole. FML

#17487267
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32898) - you deserved it (2844)

On 08/16/2011 at 2:22am - kids - by Gross... (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I met my new neighbor. His wi-fi access point is named "TheRapistDownstairs." FML

#17483730
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36754) - you deserved it (3456)

On 08/15/2011 at 8:30pm - misc - by creepedoutlady - United States

Today, after a week of sporting what I thought was a flattering pixie cut, I realised that without my long hair, my body shape closely resembles a snowman's. FML

#17461404
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21680) - you deserved it (9558)

On 08/13/2011 at 4:29pm - misc - by Karin (woman) - Germany (Berlin)

Today, I took my new boyfriend to a family dinner. Despite having made everyone agree to be on their best behavior, my grandma spewed obscenities such as "fuck me sideways, aren't you a catch?" and "you just can't pull ass like that at my age" throughout. FML

#17381048
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29438) - you deserved it (3693)

On 08/05/2011 at 8:24pm - intimacy - by moonstone15 (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was in a pool locker room, surrounded by semi-naked people. While changing into my clothes, I accidentally pushed a button on my phone, causing it to make the loud, unmistakable camera shutter sound effect. Everyone definitely heard it. FML

#17217334
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32007) - you deserved it (4751)

On 07/22/2011 at 1:36pm - misc - by Roode (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, after watching Insidious, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was on the toilet. I was in mid-piss when he jumped out at me, and I ran screaming and peeing down the hall. FML

#17206347
354 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40948) - you deserved it (10082)

On 07/21/2011 at 5:24pm - love - by toni405 - United States

Today, I woke up feeling great. I opened up the blinds and looked out from my window just in time to see a man ripping my mailbox from the ground and sprinting away with it. FML

#17193667
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27868) - you deserved it (2201)

On 07/20/2011 at 6:17pm - misc - by cheddar (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: