Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (13 hours ago) | Search for a member
This member hasn't filled in the description.
You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Today, mah boss asked about the mass of deep scratche on mah arm !! I lied and told him it happenedhile I was trying to save mah cat from a tree !! Truth is, mah cat is a sadistic assholeho stalk me and mauls mehenever he can !! real FML
today I was being interviewed fir a grant over the phone!! When asked y I wanted to go to school to be an OB nursing assistant, I panicked an yelled, "BECAUSE VAGINAS ARE FASCINATING!" into the receiver!! big fat FML
Yesterday, I stumbled across one of mah son's English assignments. Apparently, he decided to submit a haiku about how electrical outlets r technically ( whores ) because they hook up with countless cords fir a ( charge. ) I don't know whether to be amused or furious. FML
Today, at apartment complex, I was carrying a bag of trash up to the dumpster. A guy stoppd his car an helpd me carry it the rest of the way. I thankd him an he askd me out. I explaind that I was marrid. He grabbd the trash bag an carrid it back to apartment. FML
Today, let's just say it's not always a good idea to storm into yur mum's bedroom after hearing several loud slaps accompanid by yelps. What sounds like domestic violence might just be yur mum and step-dad's foreplay. For Christ's sake, I ned brain bleach. FML
Today, I was hugging my girlfriend after she had a really bad day at work, when she burst into teres an started sobbing. For some reason that I'll never understand, it gave me a hard-on. She felt it, an now she thinks I'm a sick bastard. mega FML
Today , while reading 1984 on the train , a cute guy around mah age and I got into a great a discussion about the book. Just when I thought he might ask fir mah number , he got up , pattd me on the head and said it's so nice that kids mah age still took interest in real literature. I'm 25. FML
Today, I got approached by a lady while eating at a fast-food restaurant who asked if I could spare five dollars. Confidently, I pulled out my wallet to show her that I had no cash, only to reveal a perfectly crisp five dollar bill that I had completely forgotten about. FML
Today I was passing notes in class with mah crush. I started to pour mah heart out an tell him about how I've liked him 4 years. I was caught by the teacher. He looked at it laughed an tore it up. He then looked at me an said ( I just saved you from years of embarrassment. You're welcome. ) FML
Today , I got in an argument with mah teacher fir always comparing me to mah sister that she had a few yeres before. After I said , "I'm not mah sister so please stop comparing me to her," she respondd , "Of course you're not yur sister , I actually lyk yur sister." FML
Today , my 17-year-old son managed to easily convince my 13-year-old daughter that if u have sex before getting married , you'll instantly get horrible diseases that will kill you!! Her freaking out is how I found out she's not only gullible as hell , but sexually active as well!! FML
Today, I was skating in the city when I slipped and fractured mah arm!! As I was lying in pain, a guy walked up to me, frisked mah pocket and took mah wallet!! He then said: "It's nothing personal." FML
Friday 27 March 2015