aardvarks

Search for a member

aardvarks

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 24 January 1996 (20 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2212
  • Number of comments : 15
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 17 posted

About aardvarks : My name's Andrea.
Message me if you want, I like making friends.

aardvarks's page activity

Visits<b>Its_My_Fault</b> - the 07/14/2016 at 5:47pm<b>saucybugger101</b> - the 07/06/2016 at 2:24pm<b>mkmon7</b> - the 07/01/2016 at 10:17am<b>SlothCat</b> - the 02/07/2016 at 11:19pm<b>bitchs_and_hoes</b> - the 12/31/2015 at 12:01am<b>Linkcism</b> - the 08/25/2015 at 7:30am<b>Supaviper</b> - the 06/16/2015 at 1:53pm<b>amburrjade</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 12:11am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 5:56pm<b>MistyKittyx</b> - the 03/25/2015 at 3:08am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 01/24/2015 at 11:54pm<b>horsedaz96</b> - the 01/17/2015 at 11:41am<b>oops6663</b> - the 08/15/2014 at 12:28pm<b>Gemma_Mansonite</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 12:32pm<b>deusetnatura</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 4:37am<b>EmilioP33</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 8:02pm<b>Vagitarian1</b> - the 03/06/2014 at 2:40am<b>Thursdayxo</b> - the 10/26/2013 at 2:21pm

aardvarks's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

aardvarks's favorite FMLs

Today, my hamster gave birth. The babies were very cute and I couldn't resist petting one. Apparently touching a baby hamster will cause it's mother to reject and devour it. I am now know in my family as "The Hamster Slaughterer." FML

by whymommywhy / 04/20/2009 at 11:11pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Animals

Today, I decided to snack on some MandM's. I saw my dog sniffing something and realized one of my MandM's had fallen on the floor. To prevent my dog from eating the chocolate, I hurriedly snatched the MandM off the ground and ate it. When I bit down, I realized it wasn't an MandM. It was a dead beetle. FML

by Anonymous / 04/15/2009 at 9:22pm / United States (Georgia) / Health

Today, I was texting two people at once. Trying to respond to my friend's text, I accidentally clicked on this guy's name instead, who I've never met. He just told me about his grandma's funeral he went to that was an open casket. I responded with, "Haha wow you slut, I'm sure you were aroused." FML

by ohhotdamn / 03/25/2009 at 10:48pm / United States (Kansas) / Geek

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I decided to play a joke on my boyfriend and planned to pretend that I found a thong in his gym bag. When he came home, I "confronted" him. After struggling through putting on my best face, he, unexpectedly confessed: "Look, babe, I'm sorry. It meant nothing." FML

by Anonymous / 03/23/2009 at 4:42pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors. As I was showing off the dorms, one student asks, "Are these beds sturdy enough for threesomes?" Before I could respond, another kid shouts, "How would he know, I bet the only action he gets in bed is from his left hand." She's correct. FML

by Anonymous / 03/23/2009 at 2:52pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I was watching this TV show where a man was describing how much he loved this woman, how he made every opportunity to see her, and how he loved her in a way nobody else could. I smiled, because that's exactly the way I feel about my crush. Then I realized the program was about stalkers. FML

by bluten / 03/18/2009 at 12:42pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. I minimized the porn on my laptop so she wouldn't see I was watching it. It turns out I was watching an old Beatles concert before I started masturbating. My mom thought I was masturbating to the Beatles. FML

by theassman / 03/11/2009 at 12:42am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, I was walking through Borders with my girlfriend, when we pass a girl scout cookies stand. I see a box of Samoas, my favorite, point at them, and shout, 'YEAH'. My girlfriend looks shocked. Behind the box of cookies was a five year old scout bending over, with her bottom pointed at me. FML

by Scottrick / 03/01/2009 at 12:55pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I went to get a sports physical at a hospital. My nurse was morbidly obese and unattractive. She told me she would go through the tests listed on the sheet. She did everything, including feeling my genitalia. When it was done, I read over the sheet. Genitalia wasn't a test listed. FML

by TahRah / 02/28/2009 at 4:58pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, while working on a medical school application, I asked my mom what she thought my greatest challenge in life had been. She replied : "Trying to lose your virginity." FML

by Dr. Virgin / 02/24/2009 at 1:16pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house and I heard a strange sound. I laughed and said, "It sounds like a dog throwing up!" He listened for a second and said "That's my mom crying downstairs." FML

by frenchpop1960 / 02/23/2009 at 4:58pm / United States (Ohio) / Animals

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go "don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML

by madfather / 02/22/2009 at 8:38pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I was passing a building and saw a fat, ugly person inside. I started to laugh and noticed it was my reflection. FML

by name50 / 02/07/2009 at 1:16pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML

by caroline / 02/06/2009 at 10:29am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I fell asleep. I felt something on my face. I batted it away. It was my hamster. It died from a concussion upon hitting the wall. FML

by EpicFail / 02/04/2009 at 6:29pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals