Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

aardvarks

Search for a member

aardvarks

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 24 January 1996 (19 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1858
  • Number of comments : 15
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 17 posted

About aardvarks : My name's Andrea.
Message me if you want, I like making friends.

aardvarks's page activity

Visits<b>Supaviper</b> - the 06/16/2015 at 1:53pm<b>amburrjade</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 12:11am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 5:56pm<b>MistyKittyx</b> - the 03/25/2015 at 3:08am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 01/24/2015 at 11:54pm<b>horsedaz96</b> - the 01/17/2015 at 11:41am<b>oops6663</b> - the 08/15/2014 at 12:28pm<b>Gemma_Mansonite</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 12:32pm<b>deusetnatura</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 4:37am<b>EmilioP33</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 8:02pm<b>Vagitarian1</b> - the 03/06/2014 at 2:40am<b>Thursdayxo</b> - the 10/26/2013 at 2:21pm<b>Krystal3408</b> - the 10/22/2013 at 4:47pm<b>misterjg540</b> - the 10/22/2013 at 4:36pm<b>ctuan13</b> - the 10/13/2013 at 1:28pm<b>qiene</b> - the 10/03/2013 at 6:52am<b>auburngirl106</b> - the 07/28/2013 at 11:23pm<b>hkay</b> - the 05/04/2013 at 7:53pm

aardvarks's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

aardvarks's favorite FMLs

Today, my hamster gave birth. The babies were very cute and I couldn't resist petting one. Apparently touching a baby hamster will cause it's mother to reject and devour it. I am now know in my family as "The Hamster Slaughterer." FML

#1177912
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54056) - you deserved it (25344)

On 04/20/2009 at 11:11pm - animals - by whymommywhy (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I decided to snack on some MandM's. I saw my dog sniffing something and realized one of my MandM's had fallen on the floor. To prevent my dog from eating the chocolate, I hurriedly snatched the MandM off the ground and ate it. When I bit down, I realized it wasn't an MandM. It was a dead beetle. FML

#1003972
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33105) - you deserved it (57084)

On 04/15/2009 at 9:22pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I performed in my school play. Right before my big solo, I noticed a few girls changing backstage and I became aroused. The play was Jesus Christ Superstar, and I was playing Jesus. All I was wearing was a little cloth, so the whole audience saw Jesus get hard during the crucifixion. FML

#981592
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (95846) - you deserved it (39141)

On 04/14/2009 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by jizzlemonster13 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was texting two people at once. Trying to respond to my friend's text, I accidentally clicked on this guy's name instead, who I've never met. He just told me about his grandma's funeral he went to that was an open casket. I responded with, "Haha wow you slut, I'm sure you were aroused." FML

Today, I decided to play a joke on my boyfriend and planned to pretend that I found a thong in his gym bag. When he came home, I "confronted" him. After struggling through putting on my best face, he, unexpectedly confessed: "Look, babe, I'm sorry. It meant nothing." FML

#556029
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51816) - you deserved it (87545)

On 03/23/2009 at 4:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors. As I was showing off the dorms, one student asks, "Are these beds sturdy enough for threesomes?" Before I could respond, another kid shouts, "How would he know, I bet the only action he gets in bed is from his left hand." She's correct. FML

#553783
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (101472) - you deserved it (10839)

On 03/23/2009 at 2:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was watching this TV show where a man was describing how much he loved this woman, how he made every opportunity to see her, and how he loved her in a way nobody else could. I smiled, because that's exactly the way I feel about my crush. Then I realized the program was about stalkers. FML

#438513
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74085) - you deserved it (29017)

On 03/18/2009 at 12:42pm - misc - by bluten (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. I minimized the porn on my laptop so she wouldn't see I was watching it. It turns out I was watching an old Beatles concert before I started masturbating. My mom thought I was masturbating to the Beatles. FML

#267368
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25249) - you deserved it (77258)

On 03/11/2009 at 12:42am - intimacy - by theassman (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was walking through Borders with my girlfriend, when we pass a girl scout cookies stand. I see a box of Samoas, my favorite, point at them, and shout, 'YEAH'. My girlfriend looks shocked. Behind the box of cookies was a five year old scout bending over, with her bottom pointed at me. FML

#170218
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57764) - you deserved it (14929)

On 03/01/2009 at 12:55pm - misc - by Scottrick (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to get a sports physical at a hospital. My nurse was morbidly obese and unattractive. She told me she would go through the tests listed on the sheet. She did everything, including feeling my genitalia. When it was done, I read over the sheet. Genitalia wasn't a test listed. FML

#162461
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (164299) - you deserved it (14907)

On 02/28/2009 at 4:58pm - health - by TahRah (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while working on a medical school application, I asked my mom what she thought my greatest challenge in life had been. She replied : "Trying to lose your virginity." FML

#122918
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73664) - you deserved it (5974)

On 02/24/2009 at 1:16pm - intimacy - by Dr. Virgin (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house and I heard a strange sound. I laughed and said, "It sounds like a dog throwing up!" He listened for a second and said "That's my mom crying downstairs." FML

#115148
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13297) - you deserved it (38732)

On 02/23/2009 at 4:58pm - animals - by frenchpop1960 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go "don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML

#107795
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27140) - you deserved it (68983)

On 02/22/2009 at 8:38pm - intimacy - by madfather (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was passing a building and saw a fat, ugly person inside. I started to laugh and noticed it was my reflection. FML

#13325
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14044) - you deserved it (67898)

On 02/07/2009 at 1:16pm - misc - by name50 (woman) - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie replies #1
  • Hello all you crybabies, from Land's End to John o' Groats. Yes, I'm finally here my lovelies. Since last week, my inbox hasn't stopped humming with the noise of new mail dropping into it, letters full…

Friday 31 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: