About aardvarks : My name's Andrea.
Message me if you want, I like making friends.
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, my hamster gave birth. The babies were very cute and I couldn't resist petting one. Apparently touching a baby hamster will cause it's mother to reject and devour it. I am now know in my family as "The Hamster Slaughterer." FML
I agree, your life sucks (44511) - you deserved it (18333)
On 04/20/2009 at 11:11pm - animals - by whymommywhy (man) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I decided to snack on some MandM's. I saw my dog sniffing something and realized one of my MandM's had fallen on the floor. To prevent my dog from eating the chocolate, I hurriedly snatched the MandM off the ground and ate it. When I bit down, I realized it wasn't an MandM. It was a dead beetle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27741) - you deserved it (42333)
On 04/15/2009 at 9:22pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I performed in my school play. Right before my big solo, I noticed a few girls changing backstage and I became aroused. The play was Jesus Christ Superstar, and I was playing Jesus. All I was wearing was a little cloth, so the whole audience saw Jesus get hard during the crucifixion. FML
I agree, your life sucks (82162) - you deserved it (30303)
On 04/14/2009 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by jizzlemonster13 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was texting two people at once. Trying to respond to my friend's text, I accidentally clicked on this guy's name instead, who I've never met. He just told me about his grandma's funeral he went to that was an open casket. I responded with, "Haha wow you slut, I'm sure you were aroused." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20177) - you deserved it (62043)
On 03/25/2009 at 10:48pm - misc - by ohhotdamn (woman) - United States (Kansas)
Today, I decided to play a joke on my boyfriend and planned to pretend that I found a thong in his gym bag. When he came home, I "confronted" him. After struggling through putting on my best face, he, unexpectedly confessed: "Look, babe, I'm sorry. It meant nothing." FML
I agree, your life sucks (45061) - you deserved it (70148)
On 03/23/2009 at 4:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors. As I was showing off the dorms, one student asks, "Are these beds sturdy enough for threesomes?" Before I could respond, another kid shouts, "How would he know, I bet the only action he gets in bed is from his left hand." She's correct. FML
I agree, your life sucks (84132) - you deserved it (7905)
On 03/23/2009 at 2:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was watching this TV show where a man was describing how much he loved this woman, how he made every opportunity to see her, and how he loved her in a way nobody else could. I smiled, because that's exactly the way I feel about my crush. Then I realized the program was about stalkers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (63877) - you deserved it (22625)
On 03/18/2009 at 12:42pm - misc - by bluten (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. I minimized the porn on my laptop so she wouldn't see I was watching it. It turns out I was watching an old Beatles concert before I started masturbating. My mom thought I was masturbating to the Beatles. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19902) - you deserved it (63824)
On 03/11/2009 at 12:42am - intimacy - by theassman (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was walking through Borders with my girlfriend, when we pass a girl scout cookies stand. I see a box of Samoas, my favorite, point at them, and shout, 'YEAH'. My girlfriend looks shocked. Behind the box of cookies was a five year old scout bending over, with her bottom pointed at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47119) - you deserved it (11845)
On 03/01/2009 at 12:55pm - misc - by Scottrick (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I went to get a sports physical at a hospital. My nurse was morbidly obese and unattractive. She told me she would go through the tests listed on the sheet. She did everything, including feeling my genitalia. When it was done, I read over the sheet. Genitalia wasn't a test listed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (126188) - you deserved it (3727)
On 02/28/2009 at 4:58pm - health - by TahRah (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, while working on a medical school application, I asked my mom what she thought my greatest challenge in life had been. She replied : "Trying to lose your virginity." FML
I agree, your life sucks (64245) - you deserved it (4792)
On 02/24/2009 at 1:16pm - intimacy - by Dr. Virgin (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house and I heard a strange sound. I laughed and said, "It sounds like a dog throwing up!" He listened for a second and said "That's my mom crying downstairs." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9140) - you deserved it (29104)
On 02/23/2009 at 4:58pm - animals - by frenchpop1960 (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, Kim and I. I was in a rush and when I looked at the cashier realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, I go "don't worry, I'm not using these with Kim." That didn't help. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21496) - you deserved it (55963)
On 02/22/2009 at 8:38pm - intimacy - by madfather (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was passing a building and saw a fat, ugly person inside. I started to laugh and noticed it was my reflection. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10076) - you deserved it (50154)
On 02/07/2009 at 1:16pm - misc - by name50 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML
I agree, your life sucks (525964) - you deserved it (37859)
On 02/06/2009 at 10:29am - intimacy - by caroline (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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