aardvarks

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aardvarks

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 24 January 1996 (20 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2377
  • Number of comments : 15
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 17 posted

About aardvarks : My name's Andrea.
Message me if you want, I like making friends.

aardvarks's page activity

Visits<b>Its_My_Fault</b> - the 07/14/2016 at 5:47pm<b>saucybugger101</b> - the 07/06/2016 at 2:24pm<b>mkmon7</b> - the 07/01/2016 at 10:17am<b>SlothCat</b> - the 02/07/2016 at 11:19pm<b>bitchs_and_hoes</b> - the 12/31/2015 at 12:01am<b>Linkcism</b> - the 08/25/2015 at 7:30am<b>Supaviper</b> - the 06/16/2015 at 1:53pm<b>amburrjade</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 12:11am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 5:56pm<b>MistyKittyx</b> - the 03/25/2015 at 3:08am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 01/24/2015 at 11:54pm<b>horsedaz96</b> - the 01/17/2015 at 11:41am<b>oops6663</b> - the 08/15/2014 at 12:28pm<b>Gemma_Mansonite</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 12:32pm<b>deusetnatura</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 4:37am<b>EmilioP33</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 8:02pm<b>Vagitarian1</b> - the 03/06/2014 at 2:40am<b>Thursdayxo</b> - the 10/26/2013 at 2:21pm

aardvarks's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

aardvarks's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out that my dad hides his Viagra from my mom by keeping it in an Aspirin container. Now I have a terrible headache and a boner. FML

by sickkid / 11/23/2009 at 1:05pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I told my boyfriend how happy I was with him. He responded by pulling down his pants and slapping his ass. I have no idea what that was supposed to mean. FML

by neuroticallyours / 11/12/2009 at 2:11am / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, my 6 year old son learned that if you give a mouse a cookie, he will ask for a glass of milk. But if you give a hamster a cookie, he will try to shove the whole thing in his mouth, choke, and die. FML

by hamster cookie / 10/17/2009 at 5:08pm / Kids

Today, I went to my Russian language class after days of being sick. We must speak in Russian. The professor asked how I felt. I said "like shit." I didn't know the word I used was the verb, not the noun. So I told an awesome prof and class I was "feeling like I was in the process of defacating." FML

by rebel_rose / 09/25/2009 at 2:18am / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML

by coolhand / 08/29/2009 at 11:13am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I finally had sex with this great guy I've been seeing. I thought I'd found a catch. We get into his room, start kissing, and things heat up. Everything is perfect until he reaches under his bed, pulls out a doughnut and shoves it into my mouth, snarling, "eat it, eat it!" FML

by esb / 08/13/2009 at 11:23am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML

by wildthing / 07/01/2009 at 3:33pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I was riding on the back of my dad's motorcycle. After a few minutes, the vibrations from the engine became way too much for me and I couldn't control myself. I had such an intense orgasm, sitting right behind my father, with my arms around his waist. FML

by Anonymous / 06/25/2009 at 12:01am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I went through the drive through at Dunkin Donuts and asked for an iced coffee. After no response I start frantically screaming about bad service. After a while, the woman comes out to my car and says, "Please pull up to the speaker." I yelled at a garbage bin for 5 minutes. FML

by Anonymous / 06/19/2009 at 1:26am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, it was my high school graduation. Because our school colors were red, black and white, and our principal looked somewhat like Hitler, the senior class prank was to salute him when he finished his speech. I was the only one. FML

by Anonymous / 06/16/2009 at 12:07pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML

by OhGeez / 06/08/2009 at 3:41pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Intimacy

Today, I had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler. I wanted to point out he was a very good speaker, and could incite a crowd. Instead, what came out was 'Hitler's oral skills made everyone go wild with excitement" FML

by Cail / 06/01/2009 at 7:12pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, after the church service was over, my two year old granddaughter started to sing into the microphone. She said, "Here Nana, you sing". I picked up the microphone and sang " Jesus Loves Me". She took the microphone back and said, "No he doesn't." FML

by nana / 05/19/2009 at 10:04am / United States (Connecticut) / Kids

Today, my 6 year old daughter saw a man in a wheelchair who's leg had been amputated. She walks up to him and says, "What happened?". He answers kindly that he's a war veteran. She then responds, "Well then you deserve to get your leg blown off. You shouldn't be killing people." FML

by embarrassedmom / 05/17/2009 at 9:19pm / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, I went out to a nice restaurant for my friend's birthday. I went to the bathroom and heard the woman in the other stall crying. She couldn't pull her underwear up over her obese, old-lady ass because her arms don't reach that far anymore. I was the only one there. I had no choice. FML

by bathroomseww / 05/12/2009 at 3:19am / United States (California) / Health