aardvarks

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aardvarks

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 24 January 1996 (20 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2375
  • Number of comments : 15
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 17 posted

About aardvarks : My name's Andrea.
Message me if you want, I like making friends.

aardvarks's page activity

Visits<b>Its_My_Fault</b> - the 07/14/2016 at 5:47pm<b>saucybugger101</b> - the 07/06/2016 at 2:24pm<b>mkmon7</b> - the 07/01/2016 at 10:17am<b>SlothCat</b> - the 02/07/2016 at 11:19pm<b>bitchs_and_hoes</b> - the 12/31/2015 at 12:01am<b>Linkcism</b> - the 08/25/2015 at 7:30am<b>Supaviper</b> - the 06/16/2015 at 1:53pm<b>amburrjade</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 12:11am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 5:56pm<b>MistyKittyx</b> - the 03/25/2015 at 3:08am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 01/24/2015 at 11:54pm<b>horsedaz96</b> - the 01/17/2015 at 11:41am<b>oops6663</b> - the 08/15/2014 at 12:28pm<b>Gemma_Mansonite</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 12:32pm<b>deusetnatura</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 4:37am<b>EmilioP33</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 8:02pm<b>Vagitarian1</b> - the 03/06/2014 at 2:40am<b>Thursdayxo</b> - the 10/26/2013 at 2:21pm

aardvarks's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

aardvarks's favorite FMLs

Today, I asked my girlfriend when she'll be having her period, since she was acting pretty bitchy the last time around. She duct taped my leg hair and ripped it off while I was napping. FML

by gabbykinz13 / 03/08/2012 at 4:48pm / United States / Love

Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML

by caught / 01/08/2012 at 7:43pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I was on the train listening to my iPod on shuffle. The "Oompa Loompa" song came on, and slightly amused, I started humming it. It wasn't until I noticed that the man next to me was a midget that I understood the horrified looks I was getting. FML

by lorahayes / 01/05/2012 at 1:39pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Miscellaneous

Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML

by Andrew / 08/23/2011 at 10:46am / United States / Intimacy

Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML

by Goaway / 08/14/2011 at 7:20am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML

by ohcrap / 08/02/2011 at 12:58am / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, while in line at a gas station, I felt something on my shoulder. I turned around only to see a woman behind me pulling the sunburnt skin off my shoulder. When I told her to stop, she yelled, hit me with her purse and ran off crying. FML

by therundown / 07/20/2011 at 9:38am / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML

by gir / 07/14/2011 at 3:35pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy

Today, I went to an amateur baseball game with some family and friends. When our team hit a home run, my grandpa took it upon himself to start screaming wildly, removing his prosthetic leg and waving it jubilantly in the air. FML

by Username / 07/08/2011 at 9:24am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said "It turns him on." FML

by beardedlady / 07/02/2011 at 2:44am / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy

Today, I introduced my first serious boyfriend to my mother over dinner. He is Asian. My mom insisted on calling him "Ching Chong". His name is Kevin. FML

by asianlover / 06/30/2011 at 3:24am / Finland (Western Finland) / Miscellaneous

Today, during my honeymoon, my wife and I finally went scuba-diving. My nose was too big to fit in the face goggles, so I couldn't go. My wife went without me anyway. FML

by pinocchio / 06/24/2011 at 7:04pm / United States / Love

Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML

by diddlebuag / 05/27/2011 at 6:09pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML

by asnolt / 05/24/2011 at 6:29pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I had a parent-teacher conference with my 8 year old son. He'd written "Chuck Norris" as the answer for every question on his test. FML

by yobruh / 05/17/2011 at 12:54am / Kids