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aardvarks

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aardvarks
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 24 January 1996 (18 years)
  • Number of visits : 1085
  • Number of comments : 15
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 17 posted

About aardvarks : My name's Andrea.
Message me if you want, I like making friends.

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aardvarks's favorite FMLs

Today, I asked my girlfriend when she'll be having her period, since she was acting pretty bitchy the last time around. She duct taped my leg hair and ripped it off while I was napping. FML

#19240246
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12281) - you deserved it (46542)

On 03/08/2012 at 4:48pm - love - by gabbykinz13 - United States

Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML

#18749585
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14330) - you deserved it (22803)

On 01/08/2012 at 7:43pm - intimacy - by caught - United States (Washington)

Today, I was on the train listening to my iPod on shuffle. The "Oompa Loompa" song came on, and slightly amused, I started humming it. It wasn't until I noticed that the man next to me was a midget that I understood the horrified looks I was getting. FML

#18716043
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30098) - you deserved it (8628)

On 01/05/2012 at 1:39pm - misc - by lorahayes (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML

#17556947
399 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24080) - you deserved it (4186)

On 08/23/2011 at 10:46am - intimacy - by Andrew (man) - United States

Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML

#17468167
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30018) - you deserved it (8708)

On 08/14/2011 at 7:20am - misc - by Goaway (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML

#17338982
326 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36937) - you deserved it (10875)

On 08/02/2011 at 12:58am - kids - by ohcrap - United States (Colorado)

Today, while in line at a gas station, I felt something on my shoulder. I turned around only to see a woman behind me pulling the sunburnt skin off my shoulder. When I told her to stop, she yelled, hit me with her purse and ran off crying. FML

#17188929
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39345) - you deserved it (3269)

On 07/20/2011 at 9:38am - misc - by therundown - United States (Ohio)

Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML

#17109043
424 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27912) - you deserved it (84509)

On 07/14/2011 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by gir - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I went to an amateur baseball game with some family and friends. When our team hit a home run, my grandpa took it upon himself to start screaming wildly, removing his prosthetic leg and waving it jubilantly in the air. FML

#17026293
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25062) - you deserved it (4518)

On 07/08/2011 at 9:24am - misc - by Username - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said "It turns him on." FML

#16945006
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38564) - you deserved it (3563)

On 07/02/2011 at 2:44am - intimacy - by beardedlady - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I introduced my first serious boyfriend to my mother over dinner. He is Asian. My mom insisted on calling him "Ching Chong". His name is Kevin. FML

#16918734
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46379) - you deserved it (4382)

On 06/30/2011 at 3:24am - misc - by asianlover (woman) - Finland (Western Finland)

Today, during my honeymoon, my wife and I finally went scuba-diving. My nose was too big to fit in the face goggles, so I couldn't go. My wife went without me anyway. FML

#16838274
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32124) - you deserved it (7288)

On 06/24/2011 at 7:04pm - love - by pinocchio - United States

Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML

#16375821
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34601) - you deserved it (5415)

On 05/27/2011 at 6:09pm - kids - by diddlebuag - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML

#16331288
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45793) - you deserved it (6806)

On 05/24/2011 at 6:29pm - intimacy - by asnolt (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had a parent-teacher conference with my 8 year old son. He'd written "Chuck Norris" as the answer for every question on his test. FML

#16217085
438 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35537) - you deserved it (9881)

On 05/17/2011 at 12:54am - kids - by yobruh -



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