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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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aardvarkish

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aardvarkish
  • Town/Country : Santa Barbara
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Thursday 12 May 1932 (79 years)
  • Number of visits : 7597
  • Number of comments : 2354
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 11 posted

About aardvarkish :
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aardvarkish's favorite FMLs

Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my parents. Everyone knows he's into the emo scene, but this didn't stop my dad from slowly looking him up and down, then saying, completely deadpan, "You never told us you were a lesbian, honey." FML

#18041675 (346)

I agree, your life sucks (14798) - you deserved it (21934)

On 10/21/2011 at 9:33pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while at my job as a hostess, I was seating a couple and their adorable little girl. I tried to ask how old she was, but what came out was, "Aww, what breed is she?" FML

#18039986 (200)

I agree, your life sucks (5122) - you deserved it (8242)

On 10/21/2011 at 5:27pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I found out my girlfriend doesn't go to work, she's actually been seeing another guy purely for sex, and each time he gives her money to "support her unemployment." Pretty sure that means I'm dating a prostitute. FML

#18037995 (242)

I agree, your life sucks (36753) - you deserved it (2418)

On 10/21/2011 at 10:55am - intimacy - by prostitutes boyfriend - United Kingdom (Cornwall)

Today, I was caught skinny dipping by the police. With the arresting officer's daughter. FML

#18035123 (177)

I agree, your life sucks (27327) - you deserved it (6342)

On 10/20/2011 at 10:48pm - intimacy - by skinny dipper - United States (Washington)

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After we finished, he went under the covers and started touching me. At first I thought he was trying to give me "oral pleasure". It turns out he lost the condom inside of me and was trying to fish it out before I noticed. FML

#18031231 (332)

I agree, your life sucks (32412) - you deserved it (3384)

On 10/20/2011 at 1:35pm - intimacy - by boopadoop - United States

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after having had sex with my girlfriend for the first time the night before, she went to the doctor. He said she's still physically a virgin. FML

#18015213 (412)

I agree, your life sucks (39462) - you deserved it (5606)

On 10/18/2011 at 1:34pm - intimacy - by Mini-wanker (man) - United States (New York)

Today, on my first day of being a trainee teacher in a classroom, I told a boy to stop using that stupid accent or else I'll give him a detention. Turns out he just moved here from Romania. FML

#18014852 (263)

I agree, your life sucks (5778) - you deserved it (43873)

On 10/18/2011 at 12:08pm - kids - by KillMeNow (man) - United Kingdom (Sefton)

Today, it turns out that my hairy feet are the most memorable part about me. My family's named me "the hobbit". FML

#17991756 (175)

I agree, your life sucks (7069) - you deserved it (1052)

On 10/15/2011 at 6:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while at work being a waitress, this lady came in and requested to sit in the section I was waitressing. She held up a $100 bill and told me that if I was attentive to her needs, she would leave me a $100 tip. Excited, I waited on her hand and foot. She dined and dashed. FML

#17894679 (200)

I agree, your life sucks (12847) - you deserved it (1487)

On 10/03/2011 at 9:05am - work - by moodyreallyrocks - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me for the first time. He stopped just as I was about to orgasm, and asked if I could finish by myself. Apparently he'd come up with a new algorithm for the Rubik's Cube on my desk and wanted to try it out. FML

#17892959 (168)

I agree, your life sucks (27447) - you deserved it (2694)

On 10/03/2011 at 12:38am - intimacy - by Kayt (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML

#17884513 (440)

I agree, your life sucks (10050) - you deserved it (2577)

On 10/02/2011 at 3:27am - kids - by TraumatizedMother (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was babysitting a young boy. I accidentally let a few words slip when I dropped something. He won't stop dropping the F bomb and his mother is coming to get him in the morning. FML

#17883500 (115)

I agree, your life sucks (3086) - you deserved it (8910)

On 10/02/2011 at 12:53am - kids - by Kelly - United States (Florida)

Today, I found a picture of my military husband kissing another woman. His excuse? It was photoshopped. FML

#17817952 (169)

I agree, your life sucks (21102) - you deserved it (1825)

On 09/24/2011 at 1:20am - love - by astocks - United States (New York)

Today, like always, my parents are such tightwads that they refused to turn the heating system on, despite the ball-freezing temperatures. I was so cold, I had to resort to warming my hands up over the toaster. FML

#17812468 (162)

I agree, your life sucks (7452) - you deserved it (1082)

On 09/23/2011 at 10:33am - health - by freezingggg - Reserved

Today, it's my birthday. I got a phone call from my high school bully, to remind me that he'll always be able to find me and do whatever he wants to me. He does this every year. I turn 34 today. FML

#17012107 (363)

I agree, your life sucks (15099) - you deserved it (1896)

On 07/07/2011 at 8:19am - misc - by Snurkles (man) - Canada (Alberta)