About _christina1713 : I'm open about everything so just ask.
_christina1713's FML badges
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_christina1713's favorite FMLs
Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML
by woohoo420 / 04/04/2012 at 12:14pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, at work at a gas station kiosk, a man requested a carton of cigarettes. We keep our cigarettes on a high shelf. I'm short and very large chested so I have to jump in order to reach the carton. He said, "I only come here for the entertainment" and left without purchasing his cigarettes. FML
by aprilmay91 / 03/11/2012 at 8:38am / United States / Work
by Username / 02/27/2012 at 7:37pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/15/2012 at 8:54pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by HylianFox / 01/26/2012 at 11:07pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by hurts.to.pee / 01/19/2012 at 12:14am / United States / Health
Today, I completed the arduous, nearly hour-long process of answering the eHarmony dating questionnaire, only to be told my answers were too "unique" for them to match me with anyone. I had chosen "the world" as my distance range. FML
by DrakeScott / 11/02/2011 at 2:14pm / United States (Maine) / Love
by TabbiNicole / 07/15/2011 at 7:38am / United States / Work
Today, my mom looked through my browser history and saw Chatroulette. She thought I'd gotten into online gambling, and wouldn't believe me when I explained what it really was. After I insisted on showing her, the first chat window to open contained cocks as far as the eye could see. FML
by Anonymous / 06/03/2011 at 8:41pm / United States / Intimacy
by dahs / 04/03/2011 at 7:27am / United Kingdom (Derbyshire) / Intimacy
Today, I was taking a leak in the mall bathroom. A kid no older than thirteen strolled in and paused next to me at the urinals. He took one look and laughed, "I feel sorry for your wife, man." All I could do was stand there as he casually disappeared into one of the stalls. FML
by Anonymous / 12/25/2010 at 2:11am / United States (Vermont) / Intimacy
by just_friends / 10/27/2010 at 1:19pm / United States (Utah) / Love
Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!" FML
by gbhlaughingstock / 08/18/2009 at 3:20pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I heard my parents having sex for the first time so I turned the TV up really loud to drown out the noise, and a minute or two later my mom comes downstairs in this skimpy nightgown to ask me why the TV was so loud and, seeing the horror on my face, kept asking what was wrong with me. FML
by scarred / 07/27/2009 at 12:42am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, I was sitting using my laptop, I was also eating a bag of starbursts. They bag slid off the bed, I went to catch them and in the process my knee hit my laptop which flew off the bed onto the wooden floor, and shattered. I broke my $2,500 laptop to save 11 starbursts from falling. FML
by MYLIFESUX / 04/12/2009 at 2:50am / United States (New Jersey) / Geek
- Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, her pet bird whistled a tune she'd been trying to teach… Today, my girlfriend was giving me amazing head. I was really getting into it, when she looked up,… Today, I managed to convince a girl to come back to my place for a bit of fun. Unfortunately, I was…
- Today, my sister told me to mind my own business when I freaked out about the used tampon she keeps… Today, my loneliness hit an all time low when I actually considered "accidentally" texting a random… Today, I farted in front of my girlfriend of eight months for the first time. She got up from bed…