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_alyssa_13's FML badges
I agree, their lives suck
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_alyssa_13's favorite FMLs
by Upset Mommy / 07/14/2013 at 12:32am / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 07/14/2013 at 12:13am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my family. They didn't even notice me there until the dog started barking at me because I took his spot. My mom defended the dog, and now I'm sitting on the floor while a Pomeranian takes up half the couch for himself. FML
by bloodprincess / 06/25/2013 at 1:13pm / United States / Animals
Today, after dating for almost a year, I decided to introduce my parents to the man I was sure I'd fallen in love with. When dad saw him, his and my boyfriend's face completely dropped. I asked them what was wrong because I could feel the discomfort. Turns out, I'm dating my dad's drug dealer. FML
by explanations / 06/14/2013 at 2:48am / United States (Illinois) / Love
Today, I accidentally left some music playing on my iPad, then left to do some errands. When I came back, I found it smashed into a million pieces. Apparently, grandpa couldn't find any other way to "shut off that goddamn music." FML
by MsGlaDos / 06/12/2013 at 5:45pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was bombarded with phone calls from debt collectors. After some investigation, it turns out my grandma, who has dementia, has been going into our mailbox and throwing away the outgoing mail because it wasn't addressed to her. I'm now apparently 3 months behind in payments. FML
by redvolvo23 / 06/12/2013 at 12:57am / United States / Money
Today, I decided to try wearing eyeshadow, even though I'm not that girly. When I asked for help after several failed attempts, my sister walked in and said, "It's easy, just do what I do." She put the makeup on herself and looked amazing. She's eight. FML
by Anonymous / 06/11/2013 at 12:11pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
Today, my band and I played at our first ever real gig. Our drummer turned up high out of his damn mind. After ruining our act with his godawful performance, he screamed "HELL YEAH!" then ran and dove off the stage into a nearly non-existent audience. We were told to never come back. FML
by Anonymous / 06/07/2013 at 3:32pm / Canada (Quebec) / Work
by The Clitshank Redemption / 06/05/2013 at 7:11pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Love
by tinypenis / 06/04/2013 at 8:15am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 6-year-old son was so angry at me for not buying him overpriced candy at the airport, that he told a security guard I had a machine gun in my suitcase. The interrogation was not pleasant. FML
by Anonymous / 06/03/2013 at 1:47am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Me / 06/03/2013 at 1:32am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML
by Samprib / 06/01/2013 at 1:09am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
Today, my parents yelled at me for 10 minutes without letting me get a word in edgeways for getting a 48 on my test. They took my phone, unplugged my internet, and took my car keys. They wouldn't listen no matter how many times I told them, "It was out of 50". It actually was. FML
by :) / 05/29/2013 at 3:31am / United States / Miscellaneous
- Today, I had sex with my fiancée. My panties fell behind the bed. Later, when I went to get them, I… Today, I went on a date with a guy, who decided to rudely text message his friend the whole time.… Today, while on a walk during lunch, I urgently needed to pee. Not thinking I could make it back to…