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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 13760
  • Number of comments : 89
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

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Zwink's page activity

Visits<b>rocker_chick23</b> - the 12/22/2014 at 12:04am<b>thatniggathurman</b> - the 09/05/2014 at 10:20pm<b>Miss_Red</b> - the 09/02/2014 at 8:45pm<b>ToxicSilence</b> - the 08/06/2013 at 10:22pm<b>como_un_jefe</b> - the 03/15/2013 at 11:35pm<b></b> - the 03/10/2011 at 1:34am<b>judgeymcjudge</b> - the 08/12/2009 at 6:16am<b>kayla_f_babyyy</b> - the 08/11/2009 at 7:41pm<b>Jazzywrites007</b> - the 06/30/2009 at 2:34pm<b>mishy0729</b> - the 06/26/2009 at 6:47pm<b>lmmmr</b> - the 06/26/2009 at 4:24pm<b>Ebisumaru</b> - the 05/13/2009 at 1:22am<b>ipwns</b> - the 05/08/2009 at 11:57pm<b>pnkpanther</b> - the 05/08/2009 at 12:45am<b>nofriends1989</b> - the 05/04/2009 at 11:18pm<b>assman266</b> - the 05/04/2009 at 10:01pm<b>username666</b> - the 05/04/2009 at 9:31pm<b>miltonbradley</b> - the 05/04/2009 at 7:23pm

Zwink's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Zwink's favorite FMLs

Today, I got an email from the company that manages my cat's microchip informing me that I had to update my information that had been entered by the local Humane Society. Apparently, they listed my cat "Coral" as the owner, and me as the pet. To change it, they needed the cat's signature. FML

by APetsPet / 10/05/2009 at 3:23pm / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, I was eating MandMs on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering, "Where is that little bastard?" FML

by awilson / 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, a woman came up to the counter and asked if we made sweet and sour chicken. Before I could answer, she told me a really long recipe and said "I expect to see this on the menu next time I come in, or I will complain to the manager about your lousy work ethic". I work at Starbucks. FML

by Barista / 07/05/2009 at 1:21am / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, I won $200 a contest at a bar. The manager took me to a vault where money collected from the strippers go into a pool. He told me that at least half of the bills were slid through a strippers butt crack so I was to "choose wisely". FML

by Anonymous / 05/30/2009 at 7:39am / Canada (Manitoba) / Money

Today, I had my high school reunion. The nerdy guy that I picked on all 4 years had married a Swedish supermodel, then divorced her for a Brazilian supermodel. My girlfriend works at 7-11. Karma sucks. FML

by karmasabitch / 05/17/2009 at 4:16pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was running a cute guy was coming towards me. As he was passing me, he yelled "nice tush!" I said thanks and slapped my ass flirtatiously. He stopped running, laughed and pointed to my crotch, replying "No, I said nice BUSH" I looked down to see my shorts had rode up a bit too high. FML

by schmoodles / 05/06/2009 at 8:20pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, my mom scooped the litter box right before I went to work. I brown bagged my lunch this morning. She brown bagged the poop from the litter box. Both were on the counter. Guess which one I brought to work? FML

by chriss / 04/14/2009 at 1:09pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was volunteering at the hospital. This lady was calling the Nurses' Station, and I had to go see what she wanted. When I asked her what she needed, she mumbled something. As I leaned in closer to hear what she was saying, she threw up all over my face. Apparently, she was nauseous. FML

by Anonymous / 04/12/2009 at 3:41pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, I saw a very attractive female police officer while at the DMV. Thinking myself suave, I asked her: "Is it sexual harassment if I tell you how beautiful I think you are, and ask for your phone number?" Apparently it was. FML

by ShamedJP / 04/03/2009 at 6:05pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was called by my 9 year old son's teacher. He had handcuffed himself to his desk with handcuffs he found in my room. I was told to please bring in the key and not to leave my kinky toys out where a child could get them. I'm a cop. FML

by poo_shoe123 / 03/31/2009 at 4:47pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, while walking to class enjoying the warmer weather, a bee flew down my shirt. I'm allergic to bees so I freaked out and started ripping my clothes off. By the time I was done, I was half naked and there was no bee in sight. Turns out, it was the string on my jacket hood. FML

by Anonymous / 03/31/2009 at 2:45pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, a 7-year-old girl came up to me and told me to go fuck myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard the conversation; she came up to me and told me to go fuck myself as well. FML

by Wmsys32pr9 / 03/30/2009 at 1:06am / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, I saw a spider in my bathtub, so instead of killing it, i decided to bring my dog inside the bathroom to kill the spider for me. Turns out that the spider was a black widow, and my dog was bit. The dog killed the spider. The spider killed my dog. FML

by Anonymous / 03/29/2009 at 1:04am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, my girlfriend dropped me off for a class and I accidentally closed my exceptionally baggy pants in the passenger door. She didn't notice and started to drive away. I spent the next fifteen seconds being dragged across rough pavement with my pants around my ankles. FML

by enriquegay / 03/28/2009 at 1:17pm / United States (North Carolina) / Transportation

Today, I decided to ask my girlfriend of 3 years to marry me. I made brownies with walnuts and put an engagement ring into the brownie I gave her. Not only did she choke on the ring, but on the way to the emergency room, I find out she is highly allergic to walnuts. FML

by Jim / 03/27/2009 at 9:10pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love