About Zomg_Okay : Sleeeeeepy... :(
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
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Today, I was at a party, when the cops busted us. Since I'm underage, I hid behind a chair for an hour and a half while they breathalyzed everyone and sat them in the same room I was in. The cops left, everyone realized I was behind the chair, and now my nickname is "Anne Frank". FML
I agree, your life sucks (11091) - you deserved it (24454)
On 04/12/2012 at 2:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my wife and I decided to try role-playing. I started cleaning the pool. waiting for her to come out and be sexy, but she never did. I'd cleaned the entire pool before going into the house to ask why she never came out. She said she tricked me into cleaning the pool. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22411) - you deserved it (16528)
On 04/12/2012 at 1:54pm - intimacy - by CantPublish - United States (California)
Today, as I turned the shower on, I got covered in gravy. Turns out, my friends had unscrewed the shower head, filled it with gravy granules, then screwed it back on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19079) - you deserved it (1954)
On 03/21/2012 at 7:46am - health - by J Rush - United Kingdom (Powys)
Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up on my dad while he was rummaging through his briefcase. He must have heard me, because the moment I got up close, he whirled around and yelled "BOO!" causing me to scream like a little bitch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5035) - you deserved it (22771)
On 03/12/2012 at 10:55am - misc - by gengiskarn69 (man) - United States
Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16231) - you deserved it (2316)
On 03/11/2012 at 11:04pm - animals - by weep weep weep (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23034) - you deserved it (6919)
On 03/03/2012 at 8:55am - misc - by scaredshitless (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)
Today, after a nice swim at the local pool, I ran into a naked girl in the showers. She screamed, kicked me in the nuts and ran off. I still have no clue what she was doing in the men's shower room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28536) - you deserved it (1721)
On 02/29/2012 at 2:18pm - misc - by ouch (man) - Italy (Emilia-Romagna)
Today, I was babysitting. Everything was going well until the kid called 911 on me for making him eat his vegetables. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25216) - you deserved it (2456)
On 02/26/2012 at 12:16am - kids - by whattabrat - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was breaking into a house when three police cruisers pulled up. They ran my social, my license plates, and asked me twenty minutes worth of questions, before allowing me to go back to work. I work as a locksmith; the homeowner had lost their keys. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28142) - you deserved it (2261)
On 02/01/2012 at 11:11am - work - by ABBenzin (man) - United States
Today, I was standing in the bathroom and farted. It felt like someone stabbed me in the butt. I jumped out of shock, and my head slammed into the mirror. My glasses fell onto the floor and broke. I now need new glasses, a new mirror, and an ice pack for my head. All because I farted. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16073) - you deserved it (7260)
On 01/29/2012 at 8:27pm - health - by Rachal - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, it's -20°C outside. Half way through my thirty minutes walk to work, my boss pulled up beside me in her car, said "You look cold. I'll see you at work." And then drove away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28713) - you deserved it (2013)
On 01/24/2012 at 1:07pm - work - by emma209 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I took my kids to visit their grandma. At one point while playing, my youngest said "shit", so I admonished her. My mom snorted and told me to "stop being such a little bitch", because it will make my kids into "lame prisses like their mother". FML
I agree, your life sucks (19934) - you deserved it (5252)
On 01/23/2012 at 6:26pm - kids - by gloria77 (woman) - United States
Today, while riding back from a weekend away with my boyfriend, we crashed his motorbike, resulting in us getting thrown over a barbed wire fence into a forest. I woke up in hospital. Apparently, in his adrenaline rush, he climbed back on his bike and continued his trip, forgetting all about me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30399) - you deserved it (2398)
On 01/21/2012 at 6:59am - misc - by superficialheart - China
Today, I attempted to cheat on a test by writing some notes on my hand. During the test I had a question. I raised my hand. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5407) - you deserved it (54861)
On 01/19/2012 at 6:26pm - misc - by tiptoesjohnson -
Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25694) - you deserved it (3780)
On 01/18/2012 at 1:29pm - intimacy - by anon - United Kingdom
Monday 20 May 2013
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