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Zomg_Okay's favorite FMLs
by ClaustrophobicNightmares / 03/28/2014 at 4:42am / Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad) / Work
Today, I wanted to try seducing my boyfriend by having nothing but a t-shirt on for when he'd get back from work. He came home, saw me, apologized bashfully for failing to knock first, and went back outside. FML
by oops / 03/27/2014 at 7:10pm / United States (California) / Love
by NotInTheRightPlace / 03/17/2014 at 2:18pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by Catuser / 03/05/2014 at 10:09pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by begging for air / 02/20/2014 at 12:45pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had satanic gastric distress. Attempting to make light of this fact, and, being incredibly bored and seemingly alone at work, I managed to fart the intro to "Smoke on the Water" perfectly. Somebody clapped. FML
by Charlie529 / 02/19/2014 at 10:30am / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Health
Today, something ran across my foot while I was on the toilet. Hearing me scream, my husband ran in. We now have a new "pet" mouse named Jerry that I am not allowed to kill under threat of divorce. FML
by ZombiexIce / 02/09/2014 at 10:22pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I presented my child with the classic "Who came first, the chicken or the egg?" conundrum. In return, I got a detailed lecture on how birds evolved from dinosaurs, how life was created in the sea and an explanation about evolution. I got schooled by a 9 year old. FML
by Evolution mama / 02/05/2014 at 2:52pm / Iceland (Gullbringusysla) / Kids
Today, I was in the process of finally losing my virginity. Part-way through, my neighbour started shouting from his backyard, "Go, Nicolas! You can do it!" He was talking to his son, but the two of us have the same name. I couldn't finish. FML
by prochainefois / 01/31/2014 at 4:05pm / Intimacy
Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML
by Anonymous / 01/30/2014 at 7:34am / United States / Kids
by Z3R0G5 / 01/06/2014 at 6:00pm / United States (Indiana) / Animals
Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML
by Anonomous / 12/28/2013 at 7:31pm / United States (Vermont) / Animals
by honeybunny90 / 12/28/2013 at 3:23am / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML
by Anonymous / 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
by The_Rest_of_the_Story / 12/14/2013 at 1:38am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my hard drive on my computer crashed with all of my files on it. I took it to my Dad, who is… Today, being on my boyfriend's street bike for ten minutes gave me an orgasm. My boyfriend of three… Today, my drunk boyfriend told me he thought of new positions for us to try in bed because it was…