About Zombielanddd : I've been here forever, just never had an account.
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Zombielanddd's favorite FMLs
Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML
by Grant / 01/10/2013 at 7:51pm / United States / Kids
Today, I caught my boyfriend wearing yoga pants and taking pictures of his butt to post on a "Girls in yoga pants" site. He saw my expression and said, "Nah, it's cool, I hid my junk so they'll think it's a chick!" FML
by Amy / 01/10/2013 at 12:09am / United States / Intimacy
by WellShit / 01/03/2013 at 9:19pm / United States (Minnesota) / Health
Today, I went to take a shower. Afterwards, I noticed I'd forgotten to bring a shirt to change into, so I put on a towel and went back to my room, only to witness my 14-year-old brother and a friend smelling my bra, commenting on "how warm it is". FML
by PrezKisame / 01/03/2013 at 3:35pm / Australia (Queensland) / Kids
Today, while talking to one of my parents' friends, we discovered that the house he grew up in is the same house my boyfriend now lives in. When he recalled that he lost his first tooth there, the only response I could come up with was, "Oh my gosh, I lost my virginity there!" FML
by anonymous / 01/03/2013 at 5:34am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Emily / 01/03/2013 at 1:42am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I was cleaning one of my disabled clients because he pooped himself, so I started to undress him for a shower. I took his dirty diaper off and set it on his bed, then I bent over to take off his socks at which point he put the diaper on my head like a hat. FML
by habassistant / 01/02/2013 at 10:49am / United States (Ohio) / Work
Today, my wife and I had a fight, which I thought we resolved. Later, while painting the kitchen, I told her to change into an old shirt she didn't care about. She made a huge show of putting her wedding gown on, veil and all. FML
by Anonymous / 01/01/2013 at 4:33pm / United States (Georgia) / Love
by _The__Doctor_ / 12/31/2012 at 5:44pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/31/2012 at 3:04pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/16/2012 at 6:02pm / Ireland (Waterford) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/10/2012 at 3:41pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I was sitting cross-legged, idly jerkin' the gherkin. I guess I got slightly carried away, because I zoned out, forgot where I was aiming, and came all over the side of my face, up my nose and into my eye. FML
by SamWGovan / 12/09/2012 at 11:57am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
by fineididntwantkidsanyway / 12/02/2012 at 6:39pm / Australia (South Australia) / Intimacy
by julia / 11/30/2012 at 8:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
- Today, as a volunteer tutor, I met up with a girl who needed help with calculus. When I introduced… Today, while having sex, my girlfriend suddenly broke down and started crying. Apparently, when I'm… Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to a snake. Not because of the size or shape, but because a…