Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Zombielanddd

Search for a member

Zombielanddd

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 19 July 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1923
  • Number of comments : 7
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Zombielanddd : I've been here forever, just never had an account.

Zombielanddd's page activity

Visits<b>noone225</b> - the 02/28/2014 at 8:35am<b>10nachoman10</b> - the 01/29/2014 at 11:20pm<b>malheartsnutmeg</b> - the 07/13/2013 at 3:25pm<b>semper_amo</b> - the 06/26/2013 at 12:01am<b>Zoeythedinosaur</b> - the 06/17/2013 at 1:02am<b>thebestintheworl</b> - the 06/03/2013 at 2:02pm<b>diceddiamonds</b> - the 06/02/2013 at 11:37pm<b>dead_insects</b> - the 06/02/2013 at 11:15pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 05/30/2013 at 2:02pm<b>pillowcases</b> - the 04/02/2013 at 1:52am<b>ICastillo</b> - the 01/17/2013 at 5:45pm

Zombielanddd's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

See all of Zombielanddd's badges

Zombielanddd's favorite FMLs

Today, I removed the side rails from my truck because I didn't think I really needed them. An hour later, I went to Wal-Mart, forgot they were gone, and busted my ass in public while getting out of my truck. FML

#20615692
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17950) - you deserved it (39702)

On 04/23/2013 at 12:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my mum asked me, "Shouldn't you be cleaning your room?" On impulse, I replied, "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" I've never been hit so hard in my life. FML

#20612550
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32745) - you deserved it (112109)

On 04/22/2013 at 3:19am - misc - by Anon - Singapore

Today, my husband told me that he thinks I am getting a little heavy and may need to lay off the junk food. The ultrasound is hanging on our fridge. FML

#20595162
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56237) - you deserved it (5298)

On 04/15/2013 at 9:35pm - kids - by Mimi (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML

#20586362
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59834) - you deserved it (10747)

On 04/12/2013 at 11:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML

#20584918
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50579) - you deserved it (10860)

On 04/11/2013 at 11:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I played Call of Duty with my new flatmate. He continuously lost and was outraged that a girl beat him. It resulted in him shouting at me, claiming that since I'm Muslim, I must be part of the Taliban, which would explain my gaming skills. FML

#20584680
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44574) - you deserved it (8394)

On 04/11/2013 at 5:11am - misc - by zahra_786 (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, my boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." FML

#20583013
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52545) - you deserved it (11880)

On 04/10/2013 at 12:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my cat learned how to open doors. Ever since then she's been running up to my room, opening my door, and running away. My cat is playing ding-dong ditch. FML

#20559057
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33266) - you deserved it (4468)

On 03/25/2013 at 3:18am - animals - by Apes (woman) - United States (California)

Today, the kids I babysit hid from me. While I was looking for them, I stepped on multiple strategically-placed Lego bricks. When I yelped from the pain, the kids jumped out and threw soccer balls in my face. FML

#20556944
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38089) - you deserved it (4754)

On 03/23/2013 at 7:47pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML

#20556322
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51515) - you deserved it (6250)

On 03/23/2013 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, I walked into the room naked while my wife was on the computer to surprise her. She smiled, put down her laptop and left for the bathroom so I started jerking it in anticipation. It was really feeling good until my wife's best friend, who was on Skype, started giggling. FML

#20550602
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49061) - you deserved it (21974)

On 03/19/2013 at 8:31am - intimacy - by fredo (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, while working in childcare, we went to a farm so the kids could see how things worked. They started showing off prize winning cattle and when they bought out "Miss Stacey", the kids lost their shit. My name is Miss Stacey. FML

#20550321
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32536) - you deserved it (2853)

On 03/19/2013 at 1:00am - work - by seriously! - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my router. He asked for a glass of water, one thing led to another, and for some reason I'll never fully understand, we ended up having sex. Looks like porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. FML

#20537010
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20529) - you deserved it (59976)

On 03/09/2013 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by je_regrette_tout (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to my daughter's room with clean laundry. I found her lying on her bed with a hand down her pants, totally zoned out and staring blankly at the Justin Bieber poster on her wall. FML

#20529387
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44775) - you deserved it (6795)

On 03/03/2013 at 12:03pm - misc - by parental failure (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)



FML's blog

  • FML's Thanksgiving Special: TGS
  • As many of us know through popular culture, today is Thanksgiving in the US. Come on, we’ve all seen a TV show involving a Thanksgiving dinner or plans to do so that have gone awry due to one of the main…

Wednesday 26 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: