About Zombielanddd : I've been here forever, just never had an account.
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Zombielanddd's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend was extremely nervous to meet my parents but I made him do it anyway. One of the first things out of his mouth was, "I'm glad you had sex." When they gave him a look of shock, he added, "You know, when you made your daughter! She's awesome!" FML
by lsababy / 06/11/2013 at 2:46pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
by notyourmom / 06/11/2013 at 8:00am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
Today, my friend told me he had just robbed a bank and needed a place to hide. Thinking he was joking, I let him in so we could hang out. 15 minutes later, the cops storm into my apartment. Now I'm an accomplice in a crime I thought was a joke. FML
by Anonymous / 06/10/2013 at 11:23pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door, an elderly lady answered. She was wearing a floral dress that went down to her shins and had a Nicolas Cage mask on with eye holes cut out. When I glanced behind her, I saw her cats had them too. FML
by nicholascageonyourface / 06/09/2013 at 1:13am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used the leaves of a seemingly harmless tree to clean myself. However, I was unaware that the leaf was poisonous. It feels like a thousand hornets are attacking my ass-crack. FML
by poisonivyretard / 06/04/2013 at 1:15pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Health
by tinypenis / 06/04/2013 at 8:15am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 6-year-old son was so angry at me for not buying him overpriced candy at the airport, that he told a security guard I had a machine gun in my suitcase. The interrogation was not pleasant. FML
by Anonymous / 06/03/2013 at 4:14pm / Poland (Kujawsko-Pomorskie) / Intimacy
Today, I witnessed a large woman pee on a pregnancy test in the middle of a Walmart parking lot, clean herself off, then wander around with the test hanging out of her mouth, waiting for her result. Where in the name of Christ do these people come from? FML
by Anonymous / 06/02/2013 at 2:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by fucker43 / 06/02/2013 at 2:11am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/29/2013 at 11:21am / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 05/29/2013 at 3:17am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
Today, a few freshmen jumped my fence. They decided to take a dip in the pool, so I pulled out a paintball gun. I unloaded over 100 rounds, painting their backs bright yellow. It also dyed my pool yellow, and it'll apparently cost around $500 to repair. FML
by pool party / 05/28/2013 at 8:48pm / United States (Illinois) / Money
by Amber / 05/28/2013 at 7:42pm / United States (California) / Work
by Anonymous / 05/28/2013 at 7:01pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
- 1Today, after two weeks of trying to convince my parents to go to my high school graduation. They… 2Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 3Today, my flatmate came home from a date with the same guy that I have been in love with since high…