About Zombielanddd : I've been here forever, just never had an account. I don't like/want to comment, so get off my case. That's it, good day to you stalker...
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Today, I thought it would be a good idea to let my 19-month-old son watch me pee, since I'm trying to potty train him. I didn't consider that he might try to grab my penis. When he did, I was startled and peed all over the floor and my son. Good job dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24155) - you deserved it (16841)
On 11/09/2011 at 4:52pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. My mum walked in and told him to pull out and show her that he was wearing a condom, and not just saying he was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47482) - you deserved it (6144)
On 11/09/2011 at 7:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my baby son latched onto my nipple for a feed, after a month of having to be bottle fed because he wouldn't latch. This would be fantastic, if it weren't for the fact that I'm his father, not his mother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32247) - you deserved it (2826)
On 11/08/2011 at 9:01am - kids - by possiblyoverweight (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)
Today, I learned if you dream you're having a piss, you most likely are having a piss. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34130) - you deserved it (4779)
On 11/05/2011 at 9:43am - health - by rj93 - United Kingdom (Ballymena)
Today, my 12 year-old daughter asked me where her scrotum is. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23777) - you deserved it (3809)
On 11/02/2011 at 4:18pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my best friend threw my football over a wall, so we hopped over to go and get it. Next thing we know, we're both surrounded by men pointing guns in our faces. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26404) - you deserved it (4780)
On 11/01/2011 at 5:03am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I punched myself in the face while trying to eat a GoGurt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18824) - you deserved it (11151)
On 10/30/2011 at 4:15pm - misc - by yum yogurt - United States (Kentucky)
Today, while performing a rectal exam on my female patient, I inadvertently said, "Okay, you're going to feel some pleasure now." I meant "pressure". Her husband was in the room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35487) - you deserved it (7642)
On 10/18/2011 at 11:01am - intimacy - by imy - United States (Texas)
Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31548) - you deserved it (7627)
Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22732) - you deserved it (1404)
On 10/06/2011 at 11:23am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. Devastated, he withered onto the floor into an inconsolable wreck in front of dozens of people. The ribbon of embarrassment that went down my spine was too much for me to handle, so I had to tell him I was "only joking." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9776) - you deserved it (27636)
On 10/04/2011 at 1:22am - love - by backtosquareone - Asia/Pacific Region
Today, at football practice, a 200lb lineman ended up landing on my stomach. The weight made me shit myself. My new nickname is "Muddbutt". FML
I agree, your life sucks (25968) - you deserved it (3121)
On 10/01/2011 at 6:45pm - misc - by FirstStringQB - United States (California)
Today, the boys who sit at my math table decided it would be funny to throw broken pencils at my boobs to see if they were real. They did this the entire class period. I have to work with this group for the rest of the school year. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19541) - you deserved it (2303)
On 09/29/2011 at 9:56pm - misc - by hellokitty133 - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I saw what I thought was a spider. Wanting to kill it as quickly as possible, I smacked my hand against the wall with force. It was a nail. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14077) - you deserved it (22975)
On 09/26/2011 at 10:03pm - health - by Jesus (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I woke up next to my boss naked. We are both women and she is married. Work should be interesting tomorrow. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16121) - you deserved it (32347)
On 09/26/2011 at 2:20pm - intimacy - by BigBananaLover - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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