About ZiivaZephyr : On FML instead of sleeping....again
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ZiivaZephyr's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 10/03/2012 at 12:29pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, my sister walked into my room, saying her boyfriend "forgot something." She then reached under my bed and pulled out a pair of boxers and a condom wrapper. Her response to my disgust was, "My bed was dirty." FML
by useyourownbed / 09/18/2012 at 4:06pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
by unfortunateMother / 09/18/2012 at 3:51pm / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Kids
Today, I decided to look for the horrid stench coming from my bathroom. It turns out my roommate has been throwing away her used tampons in the "trashcan by the sink." That "trashcan" is my old antique vase. FML
by raesos91 / 09/18/2012 at 7:56am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend, when he suggested that I might want to buy a new loofah. When I asked why, he admitted he's been using it to scrub his ass crack for weeks. I use that loofah to wash my face. FML
by Derp McShitstain / 09/16/2012 at 3:48pm / United Kingdom (St. Helens) / Health
Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML
by -___- / 09/14/2012 at 7:06pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Kids
by Anonymous / 09/13/2012 at 6:29pm / United States / Money
by Anonymous / 09/13/2012 at 1:30am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/12/2012 at 12:05pm / United States (California) / Work
by tdudey123 / 09/11/2012 at 7:07pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was out shopping, when I noticed a teenage girl with a double stroller picking up a pack of condoms. I couldn't help but mutter that it was a little late for those. A guy who must have been her boyfriend then stormed over and beat the shit out of me. FML
by killmenow / 09/10/2012 at 1:52pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by darawbs / 09/09/2012 at 8:39pm / United States / Work
Today, I had to pee so bad that I ran downstairs with no glasses on and stumbled into the bathroom, half blind. I sat down on the toilet and realized just a little late that my older sister and her boyfriend were having sex in the bathtub. FML
by Anonymous / 08/26/2012 at 1:46am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by missTyfied / 08/25/2012 at 3:11pm / Philippines (Rizal) / Animals
by Anonymous / 08/25/2012 at 8:47am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…
- Today, I was in a mall bathroom when two girls started making out in the stall next to me. Before I… Today, I found out that my best friend lost her virginity to my father. Her excuse? She was drunk.… Today, I found out that the electric nose hair clippers that I've been using for the past two years…
- Today, I’m a babysitter for a 4 year-old little girl. All afternoon, I attended Barbie’s murder and… Today, I’m in China for work. All my work is stored in my Google Drive, directly via the internet.… Today, at 11:30 p.m., after a 5-hour train journey to get back to Paris carrying a suitcase that’s…