About ZiivaZephyr : On FML instead of sleeping....again
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ZiivaZephyr's favorite FMLs
Today, I was sitting cross-legged, idly jerkin' the gherkin. I guess I got slightly carried away, because I zoned out, forgot where I was aiming, and came all over the side of my face, up my nose and into my eye. FML
by SamWGovan / 12/09/2012 at 11:57am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/09/2012 at 9:53am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I went to see a musical that some school friends had put on. At some point in the show, the main character kicked her leg up in the air, and her high heel flew off of her foot and into the audience. The shoe hit me square in the face. FML
by ko / 12/08/2012 at 7:25pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the devil tempted her. FML
by sonofahypocriticalwhore / 12/07/2012 at 12:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was diagnosed with pneumonia. My breathing is short and heavy, and I wanted my boyfriend to comfort me. Instead, he called me Darth Vader, patted me on the head, and said, "Don't worry, the Force will be with you." FML
by Emily / 12/05/2012 at 12:55pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
by me. / 12/01/2012 at 9:54am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/21/2012 at 11:31pm / United States (Washington) / Work
Today, I woke up and looked over to see the "beautiful girl" I slept with last night. Turns out it was the obsessive girl from my class with a man-face I had avoided all semester. In conclusion, beer goggles are very real and very powerful. FML
by coolguy / 11/06/2012 at 12:15am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
by xXfloatingshitlogXx / 11/03/2012 at 12:04pm / Norway (Akershus) / Miscellaneous
by Obi1Shinobi / 10/30/2012 at 10:27am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Andrew / 10/30/2012 at 2:08am / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, my family and I are sitting in our house while Hurricane Sandy is going on. My grandma is freaking out because she believes it's our recently deceased dog Sandy getting revenge for putting her to sleep and getting a new dog. FML
by With_Love929 / 10/29/2012 at 5:45pm / United States (New York) / Animals
by Medic / 10/28/2012 at 11:10pm / United States (Washington) / Work
by bill / 10/24/2012 at 7:14am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate, and I gave her a condom to put on me. She tried to open it with her teeth, but ripped it. That was my only condom. I'm now sitting here watching a soap opera with a boner. FML
by Andrew / 10/23/2012 at 3:12pm / United States / Intimacy
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…