About YungMarlon23 : uuuuh... I'm 16, bout 5'6 1/2 almost 5'7 and that's bout all i feel like filling out...
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was standing in a long line at the Post Office when my 3 year old son starts rubbing up and down my leg. I asked him what he was doing and he said loudly. "I'm humping you like Simon humps me!" Everyone looks at me in shocked horror. Simon is our dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24493) - you deserved it (2027)
On 12/05/2009 at 7:04pm - animals - by Sissy (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our supermarket. 10 feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new market, maybe a new town. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31857) - you deserved it (2160)
On 11/24/2009 at 6:44am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)
Today, a cat came up to me on the pavement so I petted it a little. An elderly man rode past on his bicycle and shouted "I'd like to stroke your pussy too!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (19187) - you deserved it (2563)
On 11/19/2009 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by pussystroker (woman) - United Kingdom (Peterborough)
Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56409) - you deserved it (3657)
On 09/29/2009 at 5:21pm - love - by P0wned (man) - France (Bretagne)
Today, I visited home. My drunk mother was screaming to my drunk stepdad about a fight four years ago. My little sister was looking in the mirror practicing her "Orgasm face." And the neighbors were dancing outside coked out and naked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (61172) - you deserved it (3343)
On 09/19/2009 at 12:55am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I went to my school to take my yearbook picture. I was wearing a shirt that said ANALOG on the front. When I bent in to take the picture, part of my shirt overlapped itself. Now I'm known as the ANAL kid in the yearbook. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33520) - you deserved it (2007)
On 09/02/2009 at 5:23pm - misc - by boytoy (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (54599) - you deserved it (12513)
On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, I decided to cook dinner for my wife and kid. After a long day of preperation and cooking I asked them what they thought of it. My 12 year old son then says, "I would say it tastes like shit but not even shit tastes this bad!" My wife then laughed and gave him a high-five. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31879) - you deserved it (3892)
On 08/22/2009 at 2:29am - kids - by NoCookForYou (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was on a train when an old man standing next to me very obviously checked me out, caught my eye, and winked. He spent the next five minutes rubbing his penis against my leg. When I turned to tell him off, the train lurched, and the old man fell face first into my breasts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42631) - you deserved it (4836)
On 07/05/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by bridezilla (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my mom found a book of dirty stories I'd written in grade 10. She then told me that I wrote about things she'd never even thought about, and she's been having sex for years. If that wasn't bad enough, she's taken them in to work to show people. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39114) - you deserved it (7158)
On 07/04/2009 at 12:52pm - intimacy - by JSeth (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, the weather was nice so I decided to eat outside. I quickly found out that my new, expensive hair conditioner attracts bees. Lots of bees. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35428) - you deserved it (4870)
On 06/19/2009 at 12:32am - health - by Stung (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I went outside a friend's house to find that my car had been saran wrapped. I cleaned it up and went back inside the house. An hour later, I heard a doorbell ring so I went outside the house. They saran wrapped my car again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36117) - you deserved it (4846)
On 06/19/2009 at 12:25am - misc - by bear92 - United States (Virginia)
Today, I flew into LAX. I get nervous when I fly so I brought my recently deceased dad's ashes with me in my purse. They're in a quarter sized urn which is melted shut. Security didn't believe it contained ashes so they broke it open spilling my dad all over the table. Sorry Daddy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (83400) - you deserved it (22772)
On 06/18/2009 at 5:29pm - misc - by CaliGirl (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I found out the identity of the pervert who's been staring at me through my bedroom window in the late hours of the night. My parents and I decided to set out a trap for 'him' instead of reporting to our local cop. Turns out, we caught my 37 year-old neighbor in the act. He's the cop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38213) - you deserved it (1595)
On 06/13/2009 at 6:46pm - misc - by Meg (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, for the first time in over a year, my mother actually called me. I excitedly picked up the phone. All I heard was rustling; her purse dialed me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42926) - you deserved it (2004)
On 06/13/2009 at 3:10am - love - by slukaa (man) - United States (Colorado)
Monday 20 May 2013
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