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YouFailForLife's favorite FMLs
Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML
by Anonymous / 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been in love with for the past two years. Five minutes in, he passed out on top of me from a pain pill overdose and had a mini seizure. He finally woke up and groans, "Those bastards! They confiscated my clothes!" FML
by Lucy / 07/21/2012 at 3:40am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my mother was watching me play Pokémon. She walked over to the TV and pulled the plug before ranting about how shameful it is that her 17 year old daughter plays Pokémon. She then sat down at the computer and started playing Farmville. FML
by arrowtopatella / 12/24/2011 at 12:15am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, this weird girl started texting me. I really didn't want to talk to her, so I texted back, "This message could not be delivered because of a temporery network setup error. Error 2128-226110." She replied, "You spelt temporary wrong." FML
by tommyboy783 / 10/19/2011 at 9:38pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
by number2 / 10/17/2011 at 9:14pm / United States / Work
Today, I was struggling to cycle up a steep hill. A guy heading past me on a scooter said I'd lost something. I stopped and looked back. Seeing nothing, I asked him what I lost. He replied, "Your momentum!" FML
by adieuvelib / 10/14/2011 at 9:53pm / France / Miscellaneous
Today, at work while on the toilet, somebody came into the stall next to me and gave a loud play by play of every fart, plop, and grunt. He then asked loudly who I was and when I didn't answer put his head under the stall to look at me. FML
by Anonymous / 09/26/2011 at 2:52pm / United States / Work
by NewTenant / 06/20/2011 at 3:37am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with "Now get back to making sandwiches." your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML
by MakeMeASandwich / 06/10/2011 at 1:01am / United States (Illinois) / Work
Today, I broke up with my girlfriend in a crowded mall. I thought this was a good idea, until she went ballistic, began screaming and crying, and then stabbed me in the stomach with a ballpoint pen. I got banned from the mall. FML
by kingpin9219 / 05/30/2011 at 12:29am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, I was working at a retirement center, when an old woman came to me and asked if I would like her old clothes. I politely said, "I'm sorry, but I'm a guy." She then said, "You could have just said no, instead of rudely lying to me." FML
by Imaman / 05/28/2011 at 12:09am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by FrOsTy25 / 04/13/2011 at 6:57pm / Miscellaneous
Today, I was looking in my grandparents' drawers and cupboards to find a blanket, but instead found a stash of sex toys, and a male G-string with a horse on the front. The best bit? When you press the horse's nose, it neighs. FML
by fuundmental/// / 04/09/2011 at 1:46am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/15/2011 at 2:28pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 1:24am / France / Love
- Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was,… Today, my girlfriend suggested we start using a safe word during sex - not because we're into BDSM… Today, I was taking a long, relaxing, hot bath with my girlfriend after a long day. She had fallen…