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Xotoolyxo

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Xotoolyxo
  • Town/Country : Gtown, USA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 30 November 1995 (18 years)
  • Number of visits : 1148
  • Number of comments : 792
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Xotoolyxo : If you're reading this to get to know me better....why? Hah MSG me instead (: or ask for snapchat?(:

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Xotoolyxo's favorite FMLs

Today, it was my birthday, so when I woke up, I came downstairs yelling, "ALL I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY, IS A BIG BOOTY HOE," only to find that my family had thrown me a surprise party. All my grandparents were at the bottom of the stairs. FML

#21025933
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30273) - you deserved it (37450)

On 01/12/2014 at 8:40pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML

#20898150
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47182) - you deserved it (6164)

On 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm - kids - by SerenityJ (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boss told me to go outside and take part in the company's stupid Harlem Shake video. When I declined, he threatened to fire me if I didn't take part. I ended up being the guy who had to furiously pelvic thrust before the music dropped. FML

#20518411
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34402) - you deserved it (5948)

On 02/23/2013 at 2:32am - work - by mypelvishurts - United States (California)

Today, I discovered that when you suddenly get channels that you didn't have before, it doesn't mean there was a glitch and you're getting free TV, it just means that your son called the cable company and had your plan changed so you get every conceivable channel at a hugely increased price. FML

#20515174
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30043) - you deserved it (4388)

On 02/20/2013 at 5:55pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to drag my grandmother out of a store because she went up to a black family and started apologizing for slavery. FML

#20472335
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35849) - you deserved it (2421)

On 01/21/2013 at 11:08pm - misc - by daddy's girl - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I held a door open for a sweet old lady with a walker. After she went through the door, she turned and said, "That's not how you're gonna get into my pants, son." FML

#20466086
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33497) - you deserved it (3543)

On 01/18/2013 at 10:25am - misc - by Keastwood013 - United States

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML

#20105380
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28520) - you deserved it (6151)

On 10/07/2012 at 6:25am - intimacy - by SoSexy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that Google+ has been automatically uploading my cell phone pictures as I take them. My friends have now seen pictures of me, my penis, and other things too horrifying to talk about. FML

#18945896
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13669) - you deserved it (38824)

On 01/29/2012 at 7:26pm - misc - by brannie - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were in the shower, we began to get a bit frisky. That was until I lifted my arms and he immediately made one of his "Chewbacca Calls." He was referring to my armpits that I had forgotten to shave. FML

#18867304
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13637) - you deserved it (24405)

On 01/21/2012 at 12:47am - love - by Reliena (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, the vibrator I ordered online was delivered. I'd paid extra to make sure it would be here before the weekend, so I could sneak it into my room while everyone was gone. My dad decided to stay home all day and answer the door ahead of me. FML

#18864460
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24256) - you deserved it (7694)

On 01/20/2012 at 7:29pm - intimacy - by Ouch (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, while spending the night at a friend's house, I was woken up by someone kicking me. I figured she was having a nightmare, and since we were sharing a bed, I reached over to wake her up. Turns out it was her boyfriend trying to push me off the bed because they were having sex. FML

#18807759
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36715) - you deserved it (2840)

On 01/14/2012 at 6:40pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I walked into my bathroom to find my girlfriend applying my deodorant. This would have been fine, if she wasn't applying it to her mouth. I don't think deodorant helps with bad breath, but a quick Google search shows that it does help with herpes. FML

#18506828
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34704) - you deserved it (2206)

On 12/13/2011 at 9:39pm - intimacy - by neednewdeoderant - United States (Michigan)

Today, I work in a grocery store and a woman suffering from diarrhea somehow managed to get shit up and down two of the store aisles, then go to the ladies room and mess up the stall. I was the only one working trained in deal with bio-hazardous waste so I had to clean it up. FML

#570942
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (109967) - you deserved it (7952)

On 03/24/2009 at 1:47am - work - by frenchy (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)



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