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Xcherrypie's favorite FMLs
Today, after an hour of crying over a guy I like, I put on some Adele and sang along. My mom quickly took notice and came to give me advice, which was to "get over it" because he doesn't want me, and that "masturbation beats relationships hands down." Gee, thanks mom. FML
by Anonymous / 01/20/2013 at 1:22pm / New Zealand (Waikato) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/18/2013 at 5:50am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was in the elevator, when a big bearded guy stepped in, wearing a dress. It's not an uncommon sight where I live, but my friend cracked up and asked him if he was wearing underwear. He took it as a challenge, and I can safely say that no, he was not. FML
by juvenile friends suck / 01/10/2013 at 3:52pm / Germany (Schleswig-Holstein) / Intimacy
by why? / 01/01/2013 at 12:41am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by bill / 10/24/2012 at 7:14am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by thebeachisthatway / 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/17/2012 at 1:18am / France (Bretagne) / Love
by scarred_sibling / 10/15/2012 at 8:10am / United States / Intimacy
by Randolph / 10/14/2012 at 10:24pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, my new roommate showed me to my room, which I got a good deal on. I noticed a big black spot on the floor in the walk-in closet. When I asked, he said his last roommate committed suicide and he didn't want to pay to have the carpets professionally cleaned, hence the "good deal." FML
by Dino / 10/12/2012 at 2:36am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/10/2012 at 5:48pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy
Today, while working at the daycare, I had to clean the entire place. During the next four hours, I scooped up three human teeth, a rotten log of shit, a tire iron, a condom wrapper, and a yogurt that expired in 2003. I only cleaned the place a week ago. FML
by Skidmark Sally / 10/07/2012 at 5:41pm / United States (New Mexico) / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/03/2012 at 12:29pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I went on a bad first date and the guy was more into it than me. I tried to scare him away by only speaking in robot voice, with robot arms. He thought it was adorable, and told me I reminded him of his mother. FML
by Queso Dog / 10/02/2012 at 10:42am / Japan / Love
Today, I was getting a bikini wax to prove to my husband that I could be sexy despite being five months pregnant. As the woman was applying the wax, she said, "You know, if I wanted to, I'm in the perfect spot to reach in and steal that baby." FML
by Anonymous / 10/02/2012 at 1:01am / United States / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…