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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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XFlyingxPiranhaX

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XFlyingxPiranhaX
  • Town/Country : Erlanger, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 14 September 1986 (25 years)
  • Number of visits : 470
  • Number of comments : 32
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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XFlyingxPiranhaX's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out that whenever my best friend used to say she wanted to do my dad, she wasn't kidding. She accomplished her mission in my bed after school. FML

#12851592 (354)

I agree, your life sucks (42335) - you deserved it (2895)

On 09/01/2010 at 7:10am - intimacy - by fmlskank93 - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite" now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML

#12768681 (219)

I agree, your life sucks (31732) - you deserved it (3080)

On 08/27/2010 at 5:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I wanted to punish a student for being late. I decided to start a pop quiz before he arrived. I was positive there wasn't enough time for him to finish. He scored full marks and I couldn't say a word. FML

#12693453 (325)

I agree, your life sucks (5523) - you deserved it (47283)

On 08/23/2010 at 12:18am - kids - by K_M (man) - Malaysia (Selangor)

Today, I dyed my hair bright red from its previous black. No one has noticed except my dog, who won't stop barking at me because she doesn't know who I am. FML

#12682924 (214)

I agree, your life sucks (19454) - you deserved it (5003)

On 08/22/2010 at 1:23pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was at a friend's house. She has one of those automatic air fresheners, and I was amazed when it went off. To get a better look at it, I got real close to it. I saw a button and pressed it. The air freshener went off again, spraying nothing but my eye. FML

#11867771 (167)

I agree, your life sucks (5254) - you deserved it (43344)

On 07/14/2010 at 2:14am - misc - by Eyefreshener (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend of 3 years in his living room when a girl barges in, sees us, and screams "I knew it!" then rushes out. My boyfriend gets up, grabs his pants and while chasing after her yells "baby she's nothing, you know I only love you!" FML

#9695428 (186)

I agree, your life sucks (52916) - you deserved it (4807)

On 04/07/2010 at 12:21am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I discovered that when business is slow at my family-owned store, my daughter and another employee make a habit of sneaking away to the back room. I have literally been paying this kid to screw around with my daughter. FML

#8446049 (211)

I agree, your life sucks (21563) - you deserved it (3315)

On 02/19/2010 at 3:36pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, there was a new and extremely attractive girl at youth group, so I decided to introduce myself. Her reply was, "Wow, I've always wanted to meet a gay guy!" FML

#7937064 (132)

I agree, your life sucks (23396) - you deserved it (2847)

On 02/06/2010 at 1:39pm - love - by Richard - Sent from mobile version

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to have fun at school. So, we went into the locker room. We were making out for a couple minutes when the door opened. It was the principal, who also happens to be her dad. FML

#7907702 (102)

I agree, your life sucks (8737) - you deserved it (23728)

On 02/05/2010 at 3:17pm - love - by topfisherman (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to try and break a watermelon on my head while I was asleep on the couch. FML

#7334131 (105)

I agree, your life sucks (21840) - you deserved it (2384)

On 01/14/2010 at 3:46am - misc - by melonhead (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was in a rush to get to the toilet, I went in and sat on the seat. Then I felt a stinging pain on my left bum cheek. I jumped up quickly to see a wasp splashing around in the bowl. It stung me, and now have a bum cheek twice its normal size, and pee all over my pants. FML

#7243511 (67)

I agree, your life sucks (18396) - you deserved it (1886)

On 01/09/2010 at 8:23pm - animals - by targetlove (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was at a band practice. The band was talking to each other with language like "cadence", "resolution" and "consecutive fifths". When they spoke to me, they used terms like "tick", "bong", "ticky bong"; and "bongy tick". Musically, I feel like a baboon. FML

#7233088 (128)

I agree, your life sucks (13303) - you deserved it (4379)

On 01/09/2010 at 8:48am - misc - by Fredgruff (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was babysitting a new child. I guess she heard me tell her parents about my severe peanut allergy because she got a jar out of the pantry, spread it all over the stairs leading to where her fort was, and walked around with a baseball bat covered in it so I couldn't come near her. FML

#7212033 (158)

I agree, your life sucks (24384) - you deserved it (1856)

On 01/08/2010 at 2:23am - kids - by PeanutlyDisabled - France

Today, I found a diamond on the floor, which I could only assume was from one of my brother's cheap earrings. I was positive that it was fake. To prove it to myself, I ran it across my window, as they say only real diamonds cut glass. It's real. FML

#7015066 (174)

I agree, your life sucks (4052) - you deserved it (24486)

On 12/29/2009 at 2:10pm - misc - by namehere34 (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was giving my 4 month old son a bath. I felt something in the tub and thought it was a fragment of a bar of soap, but couldn't see because of the suds. I squeezed it and brought it to the surface, revealing my son's green poop. He was smiling at me. FML

#6651976 (111)

I agree, your life sucks (25196) - you deserved it (4220)

On 12/07/2009 at 5:58pm - kids - by tubby - United States (Florida)