About WhyAmUHere : Ah, you. I was expecting you here, now. You're not really good at being quiet are you? You woke me from my nap. Now, let's get down to business. End this pathetic deception! I know you're hiding Martians in your head!! Gimme them Martians! I am going to put butter on them!! Yaargh!!! I want tacos!! Bow down!! Or I will unleash my zoinky army of surly crack-babies!! Everybody! Say it with me and wiggle!! Peas! Peas! Peas! Peas! Peas! Peas! Look! David Hasslehoff CAN fly!! And now employing juvenile mongoloid demon babies!! My famous chicken recipe will never be yours!! Grrr! Woof!
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WhyAmUHere's favorite FMLs
Today, I was helping my friend with her little sister's birthday party. We were playing a game where you get up and switch seats if you've done a certain thing. One girl said to switch if you've kissed a boy. I watched as 18 12-year-olds switched seats with each other. I stayed sitting. I'm 17. FML
by neverbeenkissed / 07/03/2009 at 4:09pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I went through the drive through at Dunkin Donuts and asked for an iced coffee. After no response I start frantically screaming about bad service. After a while, the woman comes out to my car and says, "Please pull up to the speaker." I yelled at a garbage bin for 5 minutes. FML
by Anonymous / 06/19/2009 at 1:26am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML
by badmom / 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy
Today, my boss confessed to me that she doesn't know how to change the staples in the staplers at work, so she just switches them when they run out. We work at an office supply store. She makes six figures. I make $10 an hour. And she just got awarded a trip to Aruba for doing a "great job". FML
by Idiocracy / 04/24/2009 at 12:36am / United States (Illinois) / Work
Today, I was eating some left over Easter peanut MandMs at work, when I exclaimed "oh cool, they have E's on them for Easter". It took me a couple of minutes, but I eventually realized that I was looking at a regular MandM sideways. Definitely explains my coworkers' uncontrollable laughter. FML
by StewPit / 04/16/2009 at 3:44pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/12/2009 at 9:53am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was with my grandma waiting in a line. She only speaks Chinese and there was a black man in front of us talking his phone. My grandma tells me that the black man's really loud and annoying. The man finishes and turns and said fluently in Chinese, "What's wrong with loud black men?" FML
by kaichennnxx / 03/16/2009 at 10:09pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a letter from my college saying that if my tuition was not paid in the next 24 hours, I will be terminated from classes. Turns out account services has been depositing my tuition money in another student’s account whose social security number was one digit different from mine. FML
by collegedoesntwantme / 03/06/2009 at 8:48pm / United States (Delaware) / Money
Today, I'm playing basketball with my little brother. After jokingly blocking his shot, he turns to me and says "You're a bitch." He's 6. After asking where he heard that word, he responded with "Daddy calls you that when you're not around." FML
by lifesucks4me / 02/23/2009 at 7:51am / United States (Kentucky) / Kids
Today, I'm in Spain, and told the kids with whom I will be working that I was excited to be working with them. Only the form of excitement I used apparently refers to sexual excitement. Basically, I told the kids I was sexually aroused to be working with them. FML
by thegoldenboy3 / 02/12/2009 at 7:14am / Spain (Andalucia) / Intimacy
by C2 / 01/17/2009 at 6:17pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, in front of a hospital, I noticed that an old lady was having trouble lighting her cigarette because she had Parkison's. So I went to help her to light it up and she then started chatting with me and told me she had lung cancer. FML
by HappyGirl / 10/28/2008 at 11:57am / France (Centre) / Intimacy
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…