About WhyAmUHere : Ah, you. I was expecting you here, now. You're not really good at being quiet are you? You woke me from my nap. Now, let's get down to business. End this pathetic deception! I know you're hiding Martians in your head!! Gimme them Martians! I am going to put butter on them!! Yaargh!!! I want tacos!! Bow down!! Or I will unleash my zoinky army of surly crack-babies!! Everybody! Say it with me and wiggle!! Peas! Peas! Peas! Peas! Peas! Peas! Look! David Hasslehoff CAN fly!! And now employing juvenile mongoloid demon babies!! My famous chicken recipe will never be yours!! Grrr! Woof!
100 kick ass comments
100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Today, I flew home to Germany to see my wife before I'm deployed, only to find her in bed with another guy. She explained that she wants us to stay together, but she can't take a year without being intimate with someone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45623) - you deserved it (3719)
On 06/02/2011 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by jsalmons - Germany (Bayern)
Today, I was pulled over by a cop. He asked for my license and registration so I reached for my center console. I was then greeted with a gun to my ear because my coffee cup supposedly looked like a gun. I stepped out of my car to apologize and I was hit with a big stick. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33976) - you deserved it (7650)
On 05/13/2011 at 12:02am - misc - by phant776 (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was rudely stopped in the park by a woman screaming at me for being a slut for having a baby so young. She got so worked up that she started swearing. Not only was I just babysitting for a friend, I am unable to get the toddler to stop swearing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35012) - you deserved it (2373)
On 01/30/2011 at 9:46am - kids - by QuicksilverMaximoff (woman) - United Kingdom (St. Helens)
Today, I was in the car with my mom. We were discussing my brother, how he's been screwing up majorly lately and she blamed it on his friends. Then she turned to me and said, "It's a good thing you've never had any friends." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22684) - you deserved it (3030)
On 12/13/2010 at 11:29am - misc - by Amanda - United States
Today, I decided to fix my bike and take it for a test ride. Five minutes in, a bee flew into my eye and stung me. In pain, I thought it would be best to go home. I turned around to find a big pitbull running towards me. The dog chased me for a mile before giving up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24212) - you deserved it (2306)
On 10/01/2010 at 3:26pm - health - by unojo08 - United States (Florida)
Today, while preparing the house for company, I got a call that my sister had a heart attack and died. My wife's response? "Great! Now you're going to be no help to me at all!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (35745) - you deserved it (1589)
On 03/09/2010 at 4:08pm - misc - by dargas - United States (California)
Today, I had a 10 hour drive to Las Vegas with only 2 CDs, Taylor Swift and Jason Mraz, and my girlfriend who thinks she's a good singer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29728) - you deserved it (6640)
On 01/27/2010 at 3:35am - misc - by Username - Sent from mobile version
Today, one of my managers at work asked me to carrying our new Frappe machine to front counter for assembling. Being 5 months pregnant, I explained to her I am unable to safely lift more than 20-30lbs. I was then fired and told that I shouldn't use being pregnant as an excuse to not work. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36927) - you deserved it (3201)
On 01/06/2010 at 6:06am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4264) - you deserved it (51236)
On 12/24/2009 at 8:10pm - intimacy - by paidback - United States
Today, my colleague rushed off to the hospital for the birth of his first son. Having met his wife at the Christmas party a couple of years ago, I called to congratulate her. Shame I didn't realize it was his mistress having the baby. Guess who broke the news to the wife. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32828) - you deserved it (2495)
On 12/12/2009 at 1:02pm - misc - by RBEE (woman) - Sent from mobile version
Today, I was at a Remembrance Day service when an old widow told me I had my "grandad's" medals on the wrong side of my coat. I told her that I was an Afghanistan veteran and that they were mine. She then berated me in front of the WHOLE service for "lying". FML
I agree, your life sucks (33076) - you deserved it (2052)
On 11/10/2009 at 11:36pm - misc - by Danners88 (man) - Australia
Today, I had a police officer come to my house because I've been reported missing. My friends online decided to call the police because I haven't signed in for 6 days. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25757) - you deserved it (4784)
On 11/07/2009 at 1:55am - misc - by iheartvodka (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I went to a family counseling session because my parents are getting a divorce. I told the counselor that I feel guilty because I feel like I caused it. She says that there is no way I could have caused it, that it's my parents' problem when my mom interrupts her to say "Yes she did." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34268) - you deserved it (2436)
On 11/02/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by problemchild (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my bank overdrafted my account to pay a bill that isn't due until next month. When I called them, they said they would fix the mistake, but I have to restore the account to zero before they'll give me my money back. So, I have to pay for my own money with the money they won't give me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20848) - you deserved it (1261)
On 10/30/2009 at 6:11am - money - by WTF (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I decided to start making healthier decisions. Instead of the usual cheeseburger I have for lunch I ate an apple instead. I took one bite and broke one of my teeth. Apparently, apples keep the doctor away, but not dentists. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25892) - you deserved it (5262)
On 09/25/2009 at 4:43am - health - by SterlingEnigma (woman) - United States (Alaska)
Friday 24 May 2013
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