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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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WhatAMishap

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WhatAMishap
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2821
  • Number of comments : 8
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About WhatAMishap : FML:Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I’d ever had. Trouble was, it wasn’t about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon.

First reply: This poster did seem to awaken
To find that his pants were forsaken
He had hoped that the cause
Was a hooker or bras
But alas: he was horny for bacon

OWNED!

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WhatAMishap's favorite FMLs

Today, I rear-ended a car. While we were waiting for the police, we made small talk, at which time I learned he was an attorney. FML

#2454522 (66)

I agree, your life sucks (35495) - you deserved it (5262)

On 05/31/2009 at 1:45am - misc - by T-Shain (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was partnered with this really sexy guy for an audition. He says, "Am I really stuck with you? I can't even stand being seen with you in public!" I start cursing him out really loud, but then I realize that he's only reading the script. Everyone was staring, and he called me a crazy bitch. FML

#2445222 (138)

I agree, your life sucks (8096) - you deserved it (45127)

On 05/30/2009 at 9:13pm - misc - by jazzyfizzle (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was in Walmart. I saw a demo for Guitar Hero on the DS so I started playing. I was kicking ass and really feeling great about myself. I then looked away for a second, looked back down, and saw that the notes were still being hit. The demo had been on automatic-player the entire time. FML

#2414317 (122)

I agree, your life sucks (13286) - you deserved it (44922)

On 05/29/2009 at 9:10pm - misc - by theskippster - United States (Maryland)

Today, at exactly midnight, I get a text from my boyfriend saying we were done. I had just seen him 4 hours ago when we were out celebrating my birthday, and asked why he didnt just tell me then. He replies 'I couldn't break up with you on your birthday but i wanted it to be over ASAP' FML

#2323618 (110)

I agree, your life sucks (42131) - you deserved it (1954)

On 05/26/2009 at 9:09pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was helping some mental health patients at work, I spent 20 mins to fail to connect the DVD player to the TV and went back to make them something to eat. I came back into the room after 5 mins and one of the patients had connected it for himself. He has a profound learning disability. FML

#2213271 (199)

I agree, your life sucks (32404) - you deserved it (15000)

On 05/23/2009 at 3:27pm - misc - by Tom_why - United Kingdom (North East Lincolnshire)

Today, I decided to tell my mother what I thought about religion. I've been raised catholic. I told her I was converting to Wicca, to which she sort of nodded and walked away. I went into my room to study with my earbuds in, music loud. I walked out to see a cross nailed above my door. FML

#2202679 (102)

I agree, your life sucks (30273) - you deserved it (23725)

On 05/23/2009 at 1:50am - misc - by Sigh (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping in the dog world meant dominance. Well, I decided to instill my dominance and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

#2026481 (435)

I agree, your life sucks (22251) - you deserved it (97755)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I realized that my father's weekly unemployment check is more than my bi-weekly pay check. My full time job pays less than my father's unemployment. FML

#2015080 (169)

I agree, your life sucks (49796) - you deserved it (3406)

On 05/17/2009 at 1:42pm - money - by thatsucks (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML

#2009053 (704)

I agree, your life sucks (120451) - you deserved it (28815)

On 05/17/2009 at 8:33am - intimacy - by wtfdreams (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting next to the guy I like and he was doing homework. Then, he looks up, his eyes meeting mine. His smooth voice mutters my name as his face inches closer to mine. I can feel his minty breath against my face. My pulse is racing. Then, he says "What's a pronoun?" FML

#1372393 (244)

I agree, your life sucks (46204) - you deserved it (7884)

On 04/26/2009 at 9:14pm - love - by theatreismylife (woman) - United States (California)

Today, brand new cocktail dress: $300. Matching peep toe heels: $100. Getting my hair done at the salon: $80. Treating myself to a mani/pedi: $50. When finally meeting the guy I have been chatting online with for 2 months, I find out hes my cousin: priceless. FML

#902467 (313)

I agree, your life sucks (119967) - you deserved it (40187)

On 04/10/2009 at 2:42pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML

#881347 (416)

I agree, your life sucks (27667) - you deserved it (92123)

On 04/09/2009 at 2:03am - work - by tool (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

#836792 (843)

I agree, your life sucks (228738) - you deserved it (19505)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - intimacy - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was delivering packages to patients in the hospital for my job. My boss gave me a room to deliver to, and I drop it off as usual. But my boss gave me the wrong room number. I had to walk in, apologize, and take back balloons and a stuffed animal from a crying 6year old patient. FML

#819643 (149)

I agree, your life sucks (88390) - you deserved it (4278)

On 04/05/2009 at 4:17pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was riding my bike and stopped at a street light. A little girl looked at me, then asked her mother, "Mommy, why does that girl have a ring through her nose?" Her mother then replied, "Because her parents don't love her." FML

#818828 (280)

I agree, your life sucks (53024) - you deserved it (11888)

On 04/05/2009 at 3:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)