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WeezyBites's favorite FMLs
Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML
by lafinesse / 05/14/2012 at 6:23pm / Miscellaneous
by foshizzle / 04/25/2012 at 2:46am / United States (Florida) / Work
by Anonymous / 03/31/2012 at 3:03am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/21/2012 at 12:50am / Canada / Health
Today, my doctor booked me in for an STD test. I was feeling confident until he explained it will involve having a catheter inserted into my piss pipe. He shook his head sadly and said: "Gonna be honest, Steve, the pain's beyond belief." Great. FML
by 0stvn0 / 03/15/2012 at 9:18pm / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Intimacy
by Fraser / 03/08/2012 at 2:03pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/25/2012 at 4:19pm / Virgin Islands British / Miscellaneous
by dadadoo / 02/05/2012 at 11:09pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by idrathernotgiveoutmyname / 01/30/2012 at 9:50pm / Canada / Intimacy
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
by ugh / 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML
by Colton / 12/19/2011 at 9:29pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, in science class, we had to make play-dough with our lab partners. We were allowed to put one thing in it to make it more bouncy or rubbery. My partner said that he wanted to put a chicken wing in ours. FML
by Anonymous / 11/28/2011 at 10:45am / United States / Geek
by religionbites621 / 11/22/2011 at 12:18pm / United States (Tennessee) / Transportation
Today, I ran into an old friend. I asked her how she was doing, then asked, "And your mum?" Just as the words escaped my lips, I remembered her mum died a few years ago. Trying to save face, I messed up again and blurted, "She still in the same graveyard?" FML
by Virginiedetibo / 10/21/2011 at 10:09pm / France / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/21/2011 at 5:27pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Work
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…