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Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (31311) - you deserved it (2939) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, while at work, a man grabbed my beard, said it was impressive, and then uttered the words, "I love you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17528) - you deserved it (2295)
On 04/25/2012 at 2:46am - work - by foshizzle (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, on my way to my therapist, my father told me to lie to her and tell her that I'm happy so he doesn't have to drive me in anymore. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17673) - you deserved it (1327)
On 03/31/2012 at 3:03am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23063) - you deserved it (13330)
On 03/21/2012 at 12:50am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada
Today, my doctor booked me in for an STD test. I was feeling confident until he explained it will involve having a catheter inserted into my piss pipe. He shook his head sadly and said: "Gonna be honest, Steve, the pain's beyond belief." Great. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20402) - you deserved it (3584)
On 03/15/2012 at 9:18pm - intimacy - by 0stvn0 (man) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10582) - you deserved it (35219)
On 03/08/2012 at 2:03pm - intimacy - by Fraser - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I saw a picture of my creepy uncle and me on Facebook, which he had captioned "me and my woman," and posted several lewd comments on. I guess he forgot I'm his friend on Facebook. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27830) - you deserved it (1476)
On 02/25/2012 at 4:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Virgin Islands British
Today, while on the bus, I watched a homeless man pop a pimple on his arm and eat it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23082) - you deserved it (2097)
On 02/05/2012 at 11:09pm - misc - by dadadoo - United States (New York)
Today, I was texting the guy I like. He's really smart, funny, athletic, and cute. This all changed when he told me he was jacking off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18846) - you deserved it (7122)
On 01/30/2012 at 9:50pm - intimacy - by idrathernotgiveoutmyname (woman) - Canada
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23513) - you deserved it (3636)
On 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm - intimacy - by ugh (man) - United States
Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6875) - you deserved it (32696)
On 12/19/2011 at 9:29pm - intimacy - by Colton (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, in science class, we had to make play-dough with our lab partners. We were allowed to put one thing in it to make it more bouncy or rubbery. My partner said that he wanted to put a chicken wing in ours. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17998) - you deserved it (2143)
On 11/28/2011 at 10:45am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I found Jesus. The bad news, he was in the form of a concrete statue falling on my car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27762) - you deserved it (406)
On 11/22/2011 at 12:18pm - misc - by religionbites621 - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I ran into an old friend. I asked her how she was doing, then asked, "And your mum?" Just as the words escaped my lips, I remembered her mum died a few years ago. Trying to save face, I messed up again and blurted, "She still in the same graveyard?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (14284) - you deserved it (40967) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 10/21/2011 at 10:09pm - misc - by Virginiedetibo - France
Today, while at my job as a hostess, I was seating a couple and their adorable little girl. I tried to ask how old she was, but what came out was, "Aww, what breed is she?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (13584) - you deserved it (21493)
On 10/21/2011 at 5:27pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)
Monday 20 May 2013
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