About WaywardDaughter : Anything you say here can and will be used against you.Live long and prosper!
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WaywardDaughter's favorite FMLs
Today, I continued my habit of saying, "It smells like lung cancer over here" any time I see a smoker. This guy turned out to be an amateur MMA fighter, and I was his "workout" for the day. I guess his lungs are doing fine. FML
by xd3box / 07/25/2012 at 12:10am / United States (North Carolina) / Health
Today, I paid a social visit to my grandparents. While we were watching the news, a story came on about the Queen of England. I scoffed, "How is she not dead already? How old is she, anyway?" My grandmother replied, "About my age." Oops. FML
by Anonymous / 07/08/2012 at 5:13pm / France / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/26/2012 at 1:44am / United States / Health
Today, a kid got his hand stuck inside my store's giant gumball machine. He started crying, and his negligent train-wreck of a mom bitched me out for being "unobservant." I'd been mopping up the mess she'd made after she spilled an open can of beer all over the floor. FML
by hannaslifesucks / 06/24/2012 at 2:41pm / Norway (Hordaland) / Work
Today, I learned that when my girlfriend told me that she's a different person without coffee and smokes in the morning, she wasn't kidding; after I'd asked her how she'd slept, she bitched me out for "mocking her" and hurled a hairdryer at my head. FML
by crazybitch / 06/18/2012 at 12:57am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
by Bullocks / 04/27/2012 at 1:49am / United States (New York) / Work
Today, I discovered that my daughter refuses to eat, but not because she's anorexic. Apparently, her health class has learned about the digestive system and now she refuses to "take part in something so gross." FML
by Anonymous / 04/26/2012 at 12:36am / United States (Hawaii) / Kids
Today, I've now received my 73rd email in two days about my masters group project on policy recommendations for security reform. One group member has helpfully rewritten everything, and our project is now titled "Zeus's Earthly Kingdom." It's due today. FML
by IHateGroupProjects / 04/25/2012 at 9:25am / United States (Maryland) / Work
Today, I was so lonely that I had a conversation with myself on my way home. It was only when I reached my apartment complex that I discovered that my neighbour had been walking behind me, laughing to himself the whole way. FML
by unfortunate / 04/25/2012 at 12:50am / Sweden / Miscellaneous
Today, my parents went out of town and I was home all alone. I put up party decorations such as streamers, balloons and confetti. Then, I drank out of red cups, crushed them up and put them all over the house. I didn't have a party, I just wanted to convince my family that I'm not a loser. FML
by Jaclk / 04/24/2012 at 5:28pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 04/24/2012 at 2:18pm / United States / Love
by xharmonyx / 04/24/2012 at 4:29am / United States / Work
Today, I met a hot guy at the bar and we hit it off instantly. After a few drinks, he called a cab for us. When it arrived, I seducingly asked, "My place or yours?" He responds, "Both. I'll go to mine and you go to yours" and walked away. The cab driver laughed the whole way home. FML
by ultraattitude / 04/22/2012 at 3:01am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by still hungry / 04/21/2012 at 9:04am / United States (Illinois) / Love
by James / 03/30/2012 at 2:44pm / United States / Kids