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Warmonger_Smurf

Offline (17 hours ago) | Search for a member

Warmonger_Smurf

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1124
  • Number of comments : 338
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About Warmonger_Smurf : I read FML's on my down time.

Warmonger_Smurf's page activity

Visits<b>andiiibandiii526</b> - the 09/05/2014 at 12:10pm<b>jman1028</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 10:06am<b>jayeterror775</b> - the 08/24/2014 at 6:53pm<b>StupidMonkey497</b> - the 08/23/2014 at 1:18pm<b>ManOnTheMoon1849</b> - the 08/22/2014 at 10:44pm<b>Allusivness</b> - the 08/22/2014 at 6:20pm<b>paramor3</b> - the 08/22/2014 at 7:26am<b>Farmillionaire</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 1:34pm<b>ksktwin84</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 8:03am<b>JensenAckles</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 4:17pm<b>mr_t_07</b> - the 08/15/2014 at 5:19am<b>boobear19883</b> - the 08/15/2014 at 3:17am<b>DrSkillz</b> - the 08/14/2014 at 10:56pm<b>Jadoosh_19</b> - the 08/14/2014 at 10:28pm<b>A_Dead_Fish32</b> - the 08/14/2014 at 8:43pm<b>Happy_FairyTail</b> - the 08/10/2014 at 1:26pm<b>HJKM</b> - the 07/27/2014 at 7:39pm<b>GeekySavy</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 1:56am

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Warmonger_Smurf's favorite FMLs

Today, I walked into the kitchen at 5 am, to have my 7 and 9 year olds throw a bucket of water on me. To their surprise and horror, I didn't melt. FML

#20116347
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22655) - you deserved it (3066)

On 10/14/2012 at 10:57am - kids - by Nickki - United States

Today, I was talking to my future mother-in-law about my upcoming wedding. She told me that I wasn't allowed to have the wedding at a church, nor wear a white dress, nor have roses for flowers, because that would mean I'd be "copying" her. FML

#20115456
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26873) - you deserved it (1467)

On 10/13/2012 at 7:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, "5-second rule" and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML

#20081762
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21933) - you deserved it (12254)

On 09/21/2012 at 3:31am - misc - by RawrSparkle (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed. Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie. FML

#20052962
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19332) - you deserved it (46999)

On 09/01/2012 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by WhyAppleWhy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, a thirty-something guy swaggered into my workplace. He was wearing shutter shades and torn jeans, and claimed to be our new boss. I called security to throw him out, at which point he produced his ID and let me know I'd be attending an employee review session next week. FML

#20039859
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21517) - you deserved it (7118)

On 08/24/2012 at 8:20pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

#19959363
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10717) - you deserved it (36831)

On 07/19/2012 at 2:55pm - misc - by Bontempi (man) - France

Today, my daughter's hamster pulled the water bottle off the glass, so I decided to super-glue the bottle back on. We came back an hour later to see if it had stuck, only to find both the bottle and rodent glued to the glass. FML

#19875784
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7507) - you deserved it (24076)

On 07/01/2012 at 11:59am - animals - by mommabuser -

Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML

#19823545
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22474) - you deserved it (6972)

On 06/21/2012 at 10:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my eight-year-old son thought that if he swallowed soap, his farts would smell like soap. The smell of vomit and diarrhea now permeating my house is proof of how wrong he was. FML

#19680165
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22969) - you deserved it (2264)

On 05/25/2012 at 8:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my husband and I were pulled over by a cop. He was still angry from our earlier argument over his constant freeloading, and when the cop told him we'd been doing 75 in a 55, he retorted, "Yeah? I did 75 in your mom last night, fuzzball." One more ticket I have to pay for. FML

#19644251
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23429) - you deserved it (4757)

On 05/18/2012 at 10:41pm - money - by me (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I realized that all the times I checked behind the shower curtain before peeing didn't prepare me for what to do if someone was actually there. FML

#19616275
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30274) - you deserved it (3559)

On 05/13/2012 at 11:12am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my wife woke me up by giving my erect penis a Chinese burn. FML

#19540366
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27269) - you deserved it (3080)

On 04/28/2012 at 12:42am - intimacy - by poo4brains - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, my daughter told me that when she dies, she'd like her ashes spread on her laptop. FML

#19475890
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22100) - you deserved it (3053)

On 04/15/2012 at 11:10pm - kids - by sigh (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I got a text from my mom saying, "I heard the cupcake store got robbed. Where are you?" Then she texted back, "Oh never mind, they wanted money, not cupcakes. It wasn't you." Very funny, Mom. FML

#19062994
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24001) - you deserved it (4522)

On 02/13/2012 at 2:09am - misc - by cieee - United States (Texas)

Today, I showed off my new tattoo to my friends. Too bad it says "Walk Earless" now instead of "Walk Fearless." That's right, I'm now supporting Van Gogh. FML

#18997714
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12751) - you deserved it (26624)

On 02/05/2012 at 12:54am - misc - by inked - United States (Alabama)



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