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50 quality responses
Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Beginner
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
Today, my 19-year-old son told me his girlfriend is pregnant, and was diagnosed with an STD. He's sure that he's the father. He's also sure he doesn't have an STD, because he's a virgin. I had to give him the sex talk that his school never did, as well as explain to him that his girlfriend is a cheater. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38290) - you deserved it (11667)
On 03/29/2013 at 1:18pm - misc - by fucked by sex ed (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7536) - you deserved it (28226)
On 10/30/2012 at 2:08am - love - by Andrew (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was talking to my future mother-in-law about my upcoming wedding. She told me that I wasn't allowed to have the wedding at a church, nor wear a white dress, nor have roses for flowers, because that would mean I'd be "copying" her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20473) - you deserved it (945)
On 10/13/2012 at 7:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, "5-second rule" and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15613) - you deserved it (8276)
On 09/21/2012 at 3:31am - misc - by RawrSparkle (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed. Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13665) - you deserved it (32183)
On 09/01/2012 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by WhyAppleWhy (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my daughter's hamster pulled the water bottle off the glass, so I decided to super-glue the bottle back on. We came back an hour later to see if it had stuck, only to find both the bottle and rodent glued to the glass. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5428) - you deserved it (15600)
On 07/01/2012 at 11:59am - animals - by mommabuser -
Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17104) - you deserved it (867)
On 06/21/2012 at 10:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my eight-year-old son thought that if he swallowed soap, his farts would smell like soap. The smell of vomit and diarrhea now permeating my house is proof of how wrong he was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17175) - you deserved it (1531)
On 05/25/2012 at 8:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, my husband and I were pulled over by a cop. He was still angry from our earlier argument over his constant freeloading, and when the cop told him we'd been doing 75 in a 55, he retorted, "Yeah? I did 75 in your mom last night, fuzzball." One more ticket I have to pay for. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17598) - you deserved it (3454)
On 05/18/2012 at 10:41pm - money - by me (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I got a text from my mom saying, "I heard the cupcake store got robbed. Where are you?" Then she texted back, "Oh never mind, they wanted money, not cupcakes. It wasn't you." Very funny, Mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18990) - you deserved it (3966)
On 02/13/2012 at 2:09am - misc - by cieee - United States (Texas)
Today, I showed off my new tattoo to my friends. Too bad it says "Walk Earless" now instead of "Walk Fearless." That's right, I'm now supporting Van Gogh. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10620) - you deserved it (23128)
On 02/05/2012 at 12:54am - misc - by inked - United States (Alabama)
Today, my eleven year old sister came in, and bitched to me and my boyfriend about how she was going to tell my mom about the used condom she found. My boyfriend punched her in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45237) - you deserved it (14535)
On 10/19/2011 at 10:37am - intimacy - by lolilovemyboyfriend (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I overheard my parents planning on how to get me to move out of the house. It's my house. They only came to visit and forgot to leave. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33232) - you deserved it (2407)
On 09/05/2011 at 6:59am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Manchester)
Today, my boyfriend fingered me. He never cuts his nails. It felt like I was getting intimate with Wolverine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41238) - you deserved it (10432)
On 07/14/2011 at 12:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I made a fresh juice for a customer. He called the cops because the juice was too acidic for him. He sat in a corner and waited for two hours for them to arrive. Obviously, they didn't turn up. So he yelled at me and left. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28712) - you deserved it (2490)
On 05/27/2011 at 1:46am - work - by Alice - Australia (New South Wales)
Monday 17 June 2013
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