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WalrusHunter

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WalrusHunter

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  • Number of visits : 945
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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WalrusHunter's favorite FMLs

Today, as I went into my calculus class, the teacher announced that someone had received a negative grade on the test we were getting back. I laughed and said, "Which f*cker managed to get a negative?" Turns out I'm the dumbass. FML

#14770555
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9341) - you deserved it (54589)

On 01/30/2011 at 4:24am - misc - by terrible kenny - United States (New York)

Today, I got my wisdom teeth cut out. While my girlfriend was driving me home, I, still being high on the laughing gas, accidentally admitted to cheating on her. She was kind enough to wait until the numbness wore off before she punched me in the face. FML

#14747577
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8431) - you deserved it (104788)

On 01/28/2011 at 8:06pm - love - by peeoncarl1111 - United States

Today, my extremely lazy roommate is in bed with the flu. Instead of getting up to get water, he's run the garden hose through his window, and instead of going to the bathroom, he's connected a siphon to his penis and run it to a 5-gallon bucket. I have to live with this idiot. FML

#14626510
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31893) - you deserved it (4681)

On 01/18/2011 at 1:35pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, as a physics teacher, I was testing a class to see how high a sound frequency they could hear. One girl claimed she could hear the sound even though it was physically impossible. Without thinking, I replied "Only dogs can hear this frequency." Needless to say, she was picked on all day. FML

#13636606
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26775) - you deserved it (11644)

On 10/29/2010 at 8:17am - kids - by mrtut (man) - United Kingdom (Merseyside)

Today, my mom came into my bedroom and told me to listen to this voicemail. I listened to me and my girlfriend talking dirty followed by the bed springs bouncing for 3 minutes. I had my phone in the pocket while I was having sex with her and it left my mom a nice voicemail. FML

#12337328
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23351) - you deserved it (37401)

On 08/05/2010 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by JDLAX1924 - United States

Today, I wrapped a towel around my waist so I could take a dump while using my laptop. I sat on the toilet seat and let a big load go. Turns out I forgot to unwrap the towel. FML

#9918494
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7869) - you deserved it (63794)

On 04/16/2010 at 8:34am - health - by TowelSmellsNice (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, my mom is going with me for a general check-up at the doctor's office. She just told me she had a nightmare last night that she went to the doctor with me, and he told her I'm pregnant. I am pregnant. I was about to tell her. FML

#7855976
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28864) - you deserved it (6960)

On 02/03/2010 at 8:18pm - health - by XxOx - Sent from mobile version

Today, at my school, the student council is trying to raise $5000 for Haiti. They are doing so by playing the song from High School Musical in the hallways and cafeteria everyday until they get the money. FML

#7603599
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38224) - you deserved it (3901)

On 01/27/2010 at 12:07am - misc - by evil - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was talking this pretty religious girl that I like. We were playing a game and I asked her if she could go back in history and meet anyone who would it be. She said Jesus. Without thinking I said "I mean someone that was real." FML

#7556761
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16678) - you deserved it (41822)

On 01/24/2010 at 10:31pm - misc - by Ben (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my teacher compared the female reproductive system to Shrek's head. Never again will I be able to watch the movies. FML

#7340967
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23043) - you deserved it (3347)

On 01/14/2010 at 4:56pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that when an officer screams, "DON'T MOVE OR I'LL TASE YOU", it really means, "If you so much as flinch I'm going to shoot and 50,000 volts will be directed through your nose and groin." FML

#6785905
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24419) - you deserved it (10703)

On 12/16/2009 at 11:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend of almost a year, and to whom I intended to propose on Thanksgiving, dumped me because her husband will be returning from Iraq soon. And he wants to have a "talk" with me. I didn't know she was married. FML

#6442976
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37418) - you deserved it (3321)

On 11/25/2009 at 8:56am - love - by blasted (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I went to see the cast list for the new musical I'm in. I didn't get the part I wanted, and instead I got the part of one of the suitors. Interestingly, they made me the suitor to my ex. And the guy she leaves me for at the end of the musical is the guy she left me for in real life. FML

#6298620
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40506) - you deserved it (2648)

On 11/14/2009 at 7:59am - love - by Indoraptor (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out my mom is the nude model for an art class at my college. FML

#5942211
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52853) - you deserved it (2838)

On 10/22/2009 at 8:30am - misc - by scarred - Sent from mobile version

Today, I decided to check out my school's quarterback's Twitter, since we have a class together. He wrote, "Dear girl in front of me, I thought you were pretty until you turned around." It was funny, until I realized the timestamp was when we have class together, and I sit in front of him. FML

#5186777
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36665) - you deserved it (4360)

On 09/11/2009 at 1:05pm - misc - by thatgirl247 (woman) - United States (California)



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