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WalrusHunter's FML badges

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WalrusHunter's favorite FMLs

Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom. FML

by identitychangeplease / 09/19/2012 at 4:41pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Intimacy

Today, I was excited to get my first writing assignment since starting law school. I found out that I have to write a paper defending free speech. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have to defend the Westboro Baptist Church and if I weren't a former Marine. FML

by LawStudent / 09/19/2012 at 10:54am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got fired for saving my company upwards of $6,000. I'm as confused as you are. FML

by Grindwhore / 09/17/2012 at 6:46am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his parents. My boyfriend is Japanese, and I wanted to introduce myself in Japanese so I'd asked him. Little did I know he'd taught me how to say, "Hello, I love your son's cock." I almost got kicked out of their house. FML

by painfetish8021 / 09/16/2012 at 8:50pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I woke up feeling ecstatic, because last night, my crush had told my best friend he likes me a lot. I sent him a text message telling him the feeling is mutual. A little while after sending it, it hit me that his confession had only been part of a dream. FML

by hannah / 09/15/2012 at 6:16pm / New Zealand (Marlborough) / Love

Today, I was cycling with my uncle and became increasingly frustrated as we got further and further from our intended destination. It took me a while to figure out that I had somehow lost my uncle and was following a complete stranger. FML

by Anonymous / 09/10/2012 at 6:40am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally got the girl of my dreams to come over for a movie. When I answered the door, my little brother ran up behind me, yelled "geronimo" and pulled down my pants and underwear. FML

by Anonymous / 05/13/2012 at 8:15am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

Today, I fought back with words against a bully. He cried, and I got detention. FML

by sharpie2792 / 02/15/2012 at 2:26pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I sold my Xbox and Kinect to a guy. I forgot that sometimes I'd play Dance Central naked, and the Kinect would make videos. This guy now has videos of me, naked, badly dancing. FML

by anonymous / 01/13/2012 at 12:05am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my fiancé insists that instead of kissing at the crucial moment of our wedding ceremony, we should give each other a high five. FML

by no low five / 11/30/2011 at 6:17am / United States / Love

Today, my fiancé insists that instead of kissing at the crucial moment of our wedding ceremony, we should give each other a high five. FML

by no low five / 11/30/2011 at 6:17am / United States / Love

Today, my license to carry a gun expired because my manager forgot to renew it. As I'm an armored car guard, this is a problem. In order to keep getting hours, my company transferred me to the coin vault. I just finished moving 15000 lbs of boxed coins. By hand. I'm stuck doing this for a month. FML

Today, I was pulled over for going the wrong way on a closed highway. The construction signs pointed me in that direction, and the cop agreed that they should be fixed. Did it stop him from giving me a ticket anyway? Nope. FML

by ashleyyyy / 10/28/2011 at 11:59am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, I had to explain to my one person on my staff why having kids aged 6 to 9 hammering in screws with the butt end of a screwdriver is neither safe, nor a good idea. FML

by AntiBobTheBuilder / 03/02/2011 at 12:22am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I overheard my parents in the kitchen talking about how they wanted to try anal tonight. There is over three and a half feet of snow outside, leaving me no way to escape the horrible sounds and mental images yet to come. FML

by Sam / 02/27/2011 at 4:42pm / United States (Wyoming) / Intimacy