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WalrusHunter

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WalrusHunter

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  • Number of visits : 787
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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WalrusHunter's favorite FMLs

Today, I was looking at tattoos and fell in love with a really cool looking one, so I decided to get it. I later showed it to a friend who is a cop. He informed me that it is a gang tattoo. I think I just put a target on my ankle. FML

#20162265
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7071) - you deserved it (26278)

On 11/13/2012 at 8:03pm - misc - by scaredinnyc - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I realized that the bird I supposedly heard during the night throughout my childhood is actually the sound my mom makes when she comes. FML

#20160628
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38796) - you deserved it (2697)

On 11/12/2012 at 4:20pm - intimacy - by Heather - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was visiting family in Oregon. I did not know it was illegal to pump your own gas; the cops were involved. FML

#20159952
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25943) - you deserved it (2091)

On 11/12/2012 at 1:14am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, on my job as a police officer, I received a typical domestic disturbance call. Not so typical was the address. Guess my wife's affair went terribly wrong while I was on shift. FML

#20155904
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39950) - you deserved it (1821)

On 11/09/2012 at 2:18am - love - by SebastianMiko (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad looked at him and said, "Nice outfit, but it's a little late for Halloween." Before I could intervene, my boyfriend said that joke had been done to death, to which my dad retorted, "Yeah, so has your mum." Instant fistfight. FML

#20144826
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27708) - you deserved it (2861)

On 11/02/2012 at 7:50pm - love - by for fuck sake dad (woman) - Ireland (Limerick)

Today, while my mother's blind friend was waiting in our kitchen for my mom to come home, I thought it would be funny to talk to her in the nude. Turns out she's only blind in one eye. FML

#20127252
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5888) - you deserved it (50922)

On 10/21/2012 at 8:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I woke up after having a dream which included sex with a very hot guy. I realized it's about time I get laid, because the hot guy was Brock from Pokémon. FML

#20119984
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29728) - you deserved it (6034)

On 10/16/2012 at 6:59pm - intimacy - by L (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, my neighbors left for their nine month excursion, and armed their security system. One of the features is a loud series of three beeps every three seconds, 24 hours a day. I can hear it, clear as a bell, throughout my entire house. FML

#20119554
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20927) - you deserved it (1215)

On 10/16/2012 at 12:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, the power went out at school. If it's out for more than twenty minutes, standard procedure is to let us go home. They came back on almost nineteen minutes later. FML

#20118123
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24292) - you deserved it (3194)

On 10/15/2012 at 3:00pm - work - by anon - United States (Virginia)

Today, I walked in on my brother sticking his erect penis through a donut. I doubt I'll ever be able to unsee this. FML

#20113997
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34794) - you deserved it (2850)

On 10/12/2012 at 7:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled home in nothing but his underwear and pink cowboy boots. He threw his hands in the air, yelled, "BOTTLE SIP BOTTLE GUZZLE," promptly threw up and passed out in it. FML

#20111636
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22334) - you deserved it (3984)

On 10/11/2012 at 2:59am - kids - by Failed Parent - United States

Today, I wanted to surprise my long distance girlfriend by flying to her unannounced. When I arrived at her house, her family tells me that she herself boarded an unannounced flight to where I lived hours ago. Surprise. FML

#20103950
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32983) - you deserved it (3630)

On 10/06/2012 at 6:04am - love - by Jex (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I used the phrase "bitch please" in real life. It was funny until the "bitch" bitch-slapped me in the face. FML

#20100764
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7509) - you deserved it (28369)

On 10/03/2012 at 11:14pm - misc - by staticman101 - United States (Michigan)

Today, I finally got my hands on the new iPhone 5, after I pulled it out of a patient's rectum. FML

#20098468
392 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33152) - you deserved it (2540)

On 10/02/2012 at 3:39pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my mom heard on TV that teens need at least ten hours of sleep a day. Now she makes me go to bed at 7pm. I told her I can't finish my homework in time, and my grades will suffer. She wouldn't listen. Last week, she threatened to punish me if I don't get straight As this semester. FML

#20085093
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24243) - you deserved it (1615)

On 09/23/2012 at 1:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - Hungary (Budapest)



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