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WaistDownUnder's favorite FMLs
by shtidsfpa / 06/18/2014 at 5:06pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML
by Anonymous / 05/07/2014 at 10:31pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/06/2014 at 6:47pm / United States (Nevada) / Work
Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML
by chumman / 05/06/2014 at 9:55am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML
by traumatized / 04/12/2014 at 2:07pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I received a message on Facebook from a guy I've liked for a year. He asked me if I wanted to hang out, so I said yes. When I walked out to his car later on, he gave me a really confused look. Apparently I was on my brother's Facebook, and he'd never logged out. FML
by Leota / 08/15/2011 at 12:20pm / United States (Nebraska) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/14/2011 at 8:25pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend found out that if guys eat fruit often, their sperm will taste better. He bought a can of fruit for himself to eat, and said that he bought it just for me. This is the most romantic thing he's ever done. FML
by Pissedoff777 / 08/12/2011 at 1:33am / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/11/2011 at 1:53am / Mexico (Distrito Federal) / Intimacy
Today, a downstairs neighbor of mine claimed money from me because apparently my dog took a dump on the fire escape, and the poop fell through the grates and on her groceries. I don't have a dog, but I paid the money anyway, because I was too ashamed to tell her it was my husband. FML
by Zoe Avila / 08/09/2011 at 6:55pm / United States / Animals
by Username / 08/09/2011 at 5:21pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, while cleaning the bathroom in a suite at the hotel I work at, I heard a couple come in, and then a marriage proposal. She said no, that she had been seeing someone else and left the room. I was then alone in the bathroom, listening to a grown man sob. FML
by smurfpoo / 08/09/2011 at 3:35am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work
by ksmith / 08/09/2011 at 12:59am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/08/2011 at 3:16am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, I was walking along a crowded pier when I stopped to read a sign next to an oddly placed bush. Not even two seconds later, a man popped out of the bush and made me wet myself. People were filming it. FML
by Polmkk / 08/07/2011 at 7:19pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- Today while walking to the shop under the blistering African sun, I stepped on something that stuck… Today, I can't seem to get a job after going for more than 20 interviews over the last two months.… Today, I was complaining to a coworker about how my manager had changed my schedule without telling…