Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (9 minutes ago) | Search for a member
About VivaLaColdplay : Elloh! :D
You see, sonny boy, moderating FMLs is a bit like running a marathon.
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
Today, my son had a secret party. At first I was mad, then I had a complete and total Incredible Hulk meltdown when I realized that he had opened a bottle of very expensive whiskey, originally bottled by my great great grandfather in Scotland, and used it as a mixer with fucking Pepsi. FML
Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd patronized for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML
Today, I had a nightmare and woke up terrified, scaring my roommate. What was the dream? That I'd had a panic attack because my box of Honey Nut Cheerios was torn and the bag inside was improperly folded. FML
Today, I spilled the bowl of cat food I'd just filled. I picked it all up in front of my cat, but he refused to eat any of it. I had to put the food back into the packet and fill the bowl all over again. My cat is a prince. FML
Today, I was going down on my boyfriend when he stood up on the bed to get a different experience. I started to get aggressive and pushed him up against the wall. I forgot our bed was on wheels and the bed started sliding away and his body slid down the wall. So much for being sexy. FML
Today, after missing college for a week due to illness, I found out my "friends" were bullshitting me about us having to write an important no-extension Biology essay. Copious amounts of my sweat, snot and tears went into that desperation-fueled nightmare. Thanks, dickheads. FML
Today, my cousin's husband argued adamantly that the Earth doesn't rotate, and treated me like an idiot when I explained why he was wrong. Not even a video from space of the Earth rotating convinced him. This idiot is a teacher. FML
Today, I was at my summer babysitting job. The family's dog puked on the carpet and I proceeded to clean it up with baking soda and a mix of water/vinegar. Instead of blending in with the other areas of the carpet, the one spot I cleaned is white while the other areas are still darkened by filth. FML
Today, at my sister's wedding, I got my 15 month old son to 'sign' the big guest book. I gave him a pen and was hoping for a cute little squiggle or something. But no, he managed to draw something that looked uncannily like a big swastika. FML
Today, I screamed like a little girl and scrambled to climb atop the toilet seat when I saw a cockroach running around our bathroom. My 5-year-old nephew came in, slapped it to death and said not to be scared, because he'll always protect me. FML
Today, my boss bitched me out for violating workplace privacy, after he found an FML post from last year that eerily resembled a situation that happened the same year. He thought I posted it and twisted things to make him look like an idiot. I've never posted here in my life. FML
Today, I found out the girl I met online, who I spent hours talking to every day for the past 2 months, and who I fell in love with is actually my gay roomate. He says if I could fall in love with "her", I can fall in love with him. It doesn't work that way, dickhead. FML
Friday 27 November 2015