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Today, I was diagnosed with pneumonia. My breathing is short and heavy, and I wanted my boyfriend to comfort me. Instead, he called me Darth Vader, patted me on the head, and said, "Don't worry, the Force will be with you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (16183) - you deserved it (2699)
On 12/05/2012 at 12:55pm - health - by Emily - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. He didn't know how to take off my bra and insisted that he'd figure it out on his own. He gave up a couple seconds later and played video games instead. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31459) - you deserved it (5081)
On 10/18/2011 at 12:50am - intimacy - by Unknown - United States (California)
Today, I walked in on my new college roommate holding his cock. He said "Hi I'm Jeffrey, and this is Jeffrey junior" while directing attention towards his penis. It's going to be a long semester. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29343) - you deserved it (2191)
On 08/25/2011 at 1:26am - intimacy - by InAnAwkwardSituation - United States (New York)
Today, I discovered the reason my favorite stick of deodorant hasn't smelled right for the past two weeks. My dad uses it on his butt crack and balls "to clean up the stank". FML
I agree, your life sucks (46323) - you deserved it (3084)
On 08/08/2011 at 3:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I took my cat to the vet. He said he felt a strange lump that could be serious. I got really upset and picked her up, crying. The vet then told me I had to put her down. Absolutely devastated by having to euthanize my cat, I passed out. He meant I had to put her back on the table. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19279) - you deserved it (9779)
On 02/06/2010 at 10:19am - animals - by sadcat (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I moved out of my parents basement. After I hugged my parents I walked out the door only to remember I left my phone in the kitchen. I open the door and see my parents dancing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26798) - you deserved it (9859)
On 10/04/2009 at 4:31pm - misc - by neverStopLaughin - United States (Colorado)
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (142328) - you deserved it (32746)
On 05/17/2009 at 8:33am - intimacy - by wtfdreams (man) - United States (California)
Today, I found out that my husband named our daughter after his favorite porn star. FML
I agree, your life sucks (117412) - you deserved it (11548)
On 05/08/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by Oblivious (woman) - Kuwait
Today, a woman drove through my house. She was texting and eating watermelon at the same time. I didn't know that was even possible, but now my house is condemned. FML
I agree, your life sucks (101850) - you deserved it (3624)
On 04/12/2009 at 9:53am - health - by Fitz (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, a car was waiting for me to cross the street so I thought it would be funny to slowly limp across the street. When I got to the end, I jumped as high as I could to show I was faking. Turns out I tripped and hit my head hard on the sidewalk. That car took me to the hospital. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12234) - you deserved it (190999)
On 04/05/2009 at 5:39pm - misc - by funnyguyNOT (man) - United States
Today, I was feeling sick and having trouble breathing easily. I decided to take a nap and apparently ended up sleeping with my mouth wide open since breathing was an issue. I woke up to my boyfriend trying to put his penis in my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (139809) - you deserved it (24744)
On 03/26/2009 at 9:45pm - intimacy - by coughandcold (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I got out of the shower and my 3 year old sister comes into the bathroom and says "I want big boobies like yours when I grow up." And from the other room I hear my dad go "Sweetie, you've already got bigger boobs than your sister." FML
I agree, your life sucks (102059) - you deserved it (6483)
On 03/15/2009 at 11:47am - misc - by Alexa23 (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I jokingly asked my boyfriend of one year - "why is someone as smart, funny and as handsome as you with someone like me?" he replied - "opposites attract." FML
I agree, your life sucks (36967) - you deserved it (22651)
On 02/28/2009 at 1:55pm - love - by sprocket (woman) - Hong Kong
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (183012) - you deserved it (61948)
On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)
Monday 17 June 2013
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