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Viast's favorite FMLs
Today, during my first day as a medical intern in a new ward, I was performing a rectal exam. My supervisor thought it would be funny to burst into the room and scream, "Who are you?! You don't even work here, you pervert!" FML
by ohfuckwaffles / 01/29/2013 at 12:28am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I was trying on some shoes. As I was bending down, an old lady with a walking frame slowly approached. As she got close she whispered to me "Mmm, you've got a nice tushie." My girlfriend will not let me hear the end of it. FML
by Creeped out / 01/28/2013 at 3:14am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
by sarah6786 / 01/21/2013 at 9:27pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, as usual, my cat was sleeping on my stomach. I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately picked him up and put him down next to me. He got up, hopped back onto me, gave me a slap and then went back to sleep on my stomach. I didn't dare move all night. FML
Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls. I looked back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my first threesome. FML
by Drewbie / 01/13/2013 at 3:53am / United States (Utah) / Intimacy
by Facepalmum / 01/10/2013 at 1:28am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
Today, I caught my boyfriend wearing yoga pants and taking pictures of his butt to post on a "Girls in yoga pants" site. He saw my expression and said, "Nah, it's cool, I hid my junk so they'll think it's a chick!" FML
by Amy / 01/10/2013 at 12:09am / United States / Intimacy
by lovingthis / 01/09/2013 at 11:48am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took my grandma to what I thought was a nice movie. An actor used the word "cunt", which prompted her to ask what that word meant in a loud "whisper". She followed up even more loudly with, "Does that mean pussy?" FML
by troll of a gran / 01/08/2013 at 12:10pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
Today, I tried to get my boyfriend to roll over while he was asleep. He snores loud enough to wake the neighbors and if he lays on his side he usually stops. Instead of rolling over, he stuck his leg in the air, farted twice, and laughed about it in his sleep. He's still snoring. FML
by no sleep for me / 01/08/2013 at 2:44am / Miscellaneous
by gassy / 01/07/2013 at 10:40am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, when I got home I noticed a statue of a gnome sitting next to the door. I've had an intense phobia of gnomes since I was a child, and I can't bring myself to walk past it. It's been half an hour and I'm still standing outside. I can see my dad through the window laughing and waving. FML
by VampObsessed / 01/05/2013 at 12:30am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, my 24-year-old brother again yelled at me for looking at him while he was on the toilet. It'd be easier not to if he didn't sit on the toilet with the door wide open, and if the bathroom wasn't directly opposite my bedroom. FML
by Anonymous / 01/02/2013 at 3:34pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Miscellaneous
by ashbeat / 01/01/2013 at 10:20am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
- Today, I got a call from my manager asking me if I realized I had a shift that started half an hour… Today, I went to the dentist and they told me I was fine so I went home. They called me back saying… Today,after being single for close to 8 years I asked a girl out I have known for a few months. She…