I'm a gamer. Hard to believe, but it's true.
Don't judge by the profile picture. I'm not a fangirl.
Today, I was completely wasted at my bachelor party, and my friends thought it would be funny to put sodium nitrate on my penis. Sodium nitrate makes your skin dark purple for a couple of weeks. My wedding is next week and my fiancee has never seen me naked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47281) - you totally deserved it (11529)
On 07/02/2009 at 2:32am - intimacy - by purpledick (man) - Mexico (Nuevo Leon)
Today, I was laying in bed naked and blindfolded. I told my boyfriend he could do anything he wanted to me. About 30 minutes later I get out of bed and find him in the computer room play World of Warcraft. His friends needed him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (68445) - you totally deserved it (8464)
On 05/01/2009 at 1:40pm - intimacy - by chelle (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate hanging a voodoo doll of me on a noose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59732) - you totally deserved it (2896)
On 04/26/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by calliefml (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I got pulled over while dancing to crazy techno beats in the car. The officer RAN out of his car and up to mine and pounded on my window. He thought I was having a seizure. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30134) - you totally deserved it (11328)
On 04/24/2009 at 4:10pm - misc - by bdutton (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I started my period. I am getting married tomorrow. So, not only am I going to be on my period for my wedding night and honeymoon, my best friend has to help me change my pad because my dress is so big. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52583) - you totally deserved it (5117)
On 04/24/2009 at 3:50pm - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I got approached by a hot young lady in a bar. After joking around for a few minutes she said "hey I love your jacket, where'd you get that?". I then proceeded to tell her that it's actually a replica of the Indiana Jones jacket. This is when she remembered that she "had to go somewhere". FML
I agree, your life sucks (11014) - you totally deserved it (38795)
On 04/24/2009 at 12:40pm - love - by cole (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, due to the cold, windy weather, I decided to wear my brand-new cute (and expensive) jacket that has a faux-fur hood. As I walked down the street, numerous PETA members attacked me with red liquid. I'm a Vegan and an animal-rights activist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44970) - you totally deserved it (13918)
On 04/21/2009 at 6:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I had a substitute teacher for my dance class. I noticed at one point, he took out a camera. The principle came in, everyone was going crazy, and the teacher was dragged out of the classroom. He was taking videos and pictures of us dancing. Turns out he was a registered sex offender. FML
I agree, your life sucks (71016) - you totally deserved it (2229)
On 04/20/2009 at 7:05pm - intimacy - by seriously (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today, I was masturbating to a video a friend sent me. The girls were hot, walking out on a stage doing all sorts of sexy manuevers. The video was close to ending and the announcer in the video announced the winner. His name was Dan. It was a drag competition. My friend knew I'd whack off to it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16700) - you totally deserved it (76723)
On 04/18/2009 at 8:53pm - intimacy - by Masterbater (man) - United States (Iowa)
Today, I was walking back to my home in the city in the dark. I'm paranoid, so when I saw movement behind me I clutched my mace. The faster I walked, the closer the person seemed to be. I spun around and sprayed my attacker with mace. It was my shadow and the wind blew the mace back into eyes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17848) - you totally deserved it (53432)
On 04/16/2009 at 5:27pm - misc - by Eyesore - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was cuddling with the guy I like. I looked into his eyes and said, "Your eyes are so blue, like the ocean." He replied by saying, "Your eyes are so brown... like my shit". FML
I agree, your life sucks (62873) - you totally deserved it (10275)
On 04/12/2009 at 1:06am - love - by s3rp (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13914) - you totally deserved it (62792)
On 04/09/2009 at 2:03am - work - by tool (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I was playing with my pet hamster and I decided to put it down my pants for fun. It started running around and I actually got aroused. My mom then proceeded to walk into my room to see me with an erection and my pet hamster poke his head out of the hole in my boxers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18697) - you totally deserved it (163338)
On 04/08/2009 at 10:14pm - intimacy - by hammylove (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, at lunch I was running to my group's table with my friend. She accidentally tripped me, and I slid across the café floor face first on my belly. The whole cafeteria was silent. They then broke out in hysterics when the head janitor ran up to me and yelled 'SAFE!' like a baseball umpire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43746) - you totally deserved it (6005)
On 04/08/2009 at 9:42pm - misc - by eun (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
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