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VeraJK's favorite FMLs
Today, I realized I've lived alone too long. I read 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas' to my cat. I used expression in my voice, and I made sure he could see the pictures. My son called, and I told him about it. He gave me the number for the local psychiatric ward. FML
by JC / 12/05/2009 at 11:30pm / United States (Iowa) / Animals
Today, I was walking into the building I hoped to work in someday with my resume, ready to be interviewed. As I walked through the doors I had to sneeze, so lifted my hands and sneezed a huge bloody booger right in the middle of the cover page. Turns out future employers don't like that. FML
by ZombieLicker / 11/25/2009 at 3:25pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
by Lonely / 11/24/2009 at 5:49am / United States (Kentucky) / Love
Today, my iPod dropped out of my pocket while I was walking. Trying to be cool, I attempted to kick it back into the air to catch it before it hit the ground. Upon making contact with my foot, It ended up detaching from my headphones and flying 10 feet. Right into a sewer grate. FML
by Adam / 11/18/2009 at 4:57pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a paper back that was given a zero for suspected plagiarism. Everything I wrote was my own thought and analysis. My instructor basically thinks my paper is smarter than I am. He won't listen, even when I explain my thought processes throughout the piece. FML
by Anonymous / 11/10/2009 at 1:43am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Sam / 11/01/2009 at 6:10pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Miscellaneous
by Missedtheboat / 10/30/2009 at 7:29pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by FYLyfer / 10/26/2009 at 5:34pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I locked my keys in my car. My spare keys are 45 minutes away in my dorm room. My dorm room keys are attached to my car keys locked in my car. Security said they would let me in as long as I had my school ID. It's on my keychain. FML
by Anonymous / 10/13/2009 at 11:53am / United States (Maine) / Transportation
by foxbrat / 10/11/2009 at 2:18am / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found a parking citation from my college on my car windshield. It read PERMIT CITATION at the top. It confused me, as I had bought a parking permit 2 or 3 weeks before so that I wouldn't get a ticket. Turns out I got fined because the permit was on the wrong side of the windshield. FML
by Rael / 09/29/2009 at 2:36pm / United States (Arizona) / Transportation
Today, I bought a fish bowl and a fish for $15. I brought him home and sat him on my desk. Everything was going well until the shelf gave out and his bowl slid off of the shelf... onto my $2,000 computer. The computer is fried and is not covered by the insurance, the fish is fine. FML
by Bubba / 09/23/2009 at 4:48pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous
by Masey / 09/17/2009 at 8:46am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at my favorite Mexican restaurant when I realized my really cute waiter, along with his buddies kept looking at me and smiling. Trying to be cool, I took a bite of my burrito, choked, and spilled ground beef down my new shirt and in my bra. They laughed the whole time. FML
by pootythe5th / 08/30/2009 at 2:09pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 08/03/2009 at 3:37am / Taiwan (T'ai-pei) / Kids
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…