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VeraJK's favorite FMLs
Today, I was having really bad diarrhea. I sat down on the toilet and heard a plop, thinking it was just me going to the bathroom. After I was finished, I look in the toilet to see my iPhone sitting in a pool of diarrhea. FML
by Pottymouth / 07/25/2009 at 1:14pm / United States / Money
by nsJ / 07/15/2009 at 12:02pm / United States (Florida) / Money
Today, I decided to take a nap while babysitting my neighbors kids for the day. I was woken up by this obnoxious sound, only to find the youngest kid holding scissors in one hand, a pony tail of hair in his shorts jumping around like a horse, oh, and a bald spot on the back of my head. FML
by armybrat / 07/09/2009 at 8:19pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids
by kewlio45 / 07/01/2009 at 2:33am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/29/2009 at 3:52pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, my car was impounded because I never registered it in California after moving here. In order to get it back, I need to register it. In order to register it, I need to pass a CA smog check. In order to pass the smog check, I need my car. FML
by nicklesg / 06/23/2009 at 7:05pm / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, I was at the mall with my mom. She was pissing me off, so I started screaming at her and causing a scene. I ended up falling all the way down the up escalator. Everyone saw and people clapped. FML
by ouchers / 06/11/2009 at 3:49pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/07/2009 at 11:53am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my grandparents were staying over my house for a couple of nights. As I was walking to my bathroom in the middle of the night, I noticed their door was open, and my grandfather was awake. I tried to say 'Hi' to him, but he didn't hear me. I then noticed that he was masturbating. FML
by ima_krackerr / 05/30/2009 at 12:36am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/29/2009 at 11:04pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in Walmart. I saw a demo for Guitar Hero on the DS so I started playing. I was kicking ass and really feeling great about myself. I then looked away for a second, looked back down, and saw that the notes were still being hit. The demo had been on automatic-player the entire time. FML
by theskippster / 05/29/2009 at 9:10pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had my high school reunion. The nerdy guy that I picked on all 4 years had married a Swedish supermodel, then divorced her for a Brazilian supermodel. My girlfriend works at 7-11. Karma sucks. FML
by karmasabitch / 05/17/2009 at 4:16pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom and I were watching this movie in which some girls start making out. My mother calls them "sinners" and that they will "burn in hell twice". Then she says "God doesn't like gays". I'm a lesbian. I picked out this movie as a way of coming out. FML
by HidenSeek / 05/07/2009 at 9:39pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I sent everyone a text on my phone book saying, "Happy Star Wars Day!!! May the Fourth be with you!!" I forgot to uncheck my ex-girlfriend's number. She texted back, "One of the many reasons I broke up with you." FML
by 1suckatL1fe / 05/04/2009 at 3:04pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML
by breathalizard / 05/02/2009 at 2:21am / United States (North Dakota) / Health