Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

VeganVampyre

Online | Search for a member

VeganVampyre

2Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2840
  • Number of comments : 861
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About VeganVampyre : No, I'm not actually vegan. I am a vampire though ;)
The name is because of an amazing novel called "Suck It Up". Read it. Now. The pic is me at Hallowe'en dressed as a vampire. I hope that's why you're here because I can't imagine why else you would be.
I don't care if this is the Internet, learn proper English! The Grammar Nazis WILL come for you! Of course, I am an English major so maybe I care more than most :P
I love reading, music, volleyball, snowboarding, and rock climbing. And sarcasm. Feel free to message me now that the app has that ability! :)

"I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request." That is all. Have a nice day =)

VeganVampyre's page activity

Visits<b>ccr386590</b> - yesterday at 4:28pm<b>whiteangel361</b> - the 10/17/2014 at 11:04pm<b>JOEBOBARNOLD</b> - the 10/15/2014 at 2:43am<b>jordparis</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 4:11pm<b>Jak0p</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 6:47am<b>Phaeno</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 12:18am<b>rocker_chick23</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 8:23pm<b>tallwhiteguy96</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 8:28am<b>ostfaiz</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 5:37am<b>mystery_user</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 5:27am<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 09/30/2014 at 5:45pm<b>metalscales</b> - the 09/25/2014 at 5:18am<b>redheadedmonster</b> - the 09/20/2014 at 4:13am<b>Jenra</b> - the 09/19/2014 at 9:13am<b>TrackGirl19</b> - the 09/17/2014 at 7:31pm<b>rabbit987654324</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 10:23pm<b>candy_mang</b> - the 09/08/2014 at 9:09pm<b>lailaxjan</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 11:41am

Liked!<b>jordparis</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 10:12pm<b>Mr_Saikaly</b> - the 09/05/2014 at 10:40am

VeganVampyre's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

I’m your new creative director

You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

See all of VeganVampyre's badges

VeganVampyre's favorite FMLs

Today, I biked 15 km to my girlfriend's house in really heavy rain to surprise her. Turns out she's on holiday in Spain, and hadn't bothered to tell me. FML

#17487465
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31889) - you deserved it (4076)

On 08/16/2011 at 2:44am - love - by 800z - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I learned that if you stare down an attractive man while pumping gas, he'll stare back. Then he might ask for your number. At which point his girlfriend will get out of the car and threaten to kick your ass. FML

#17413656
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26771) - you deserved it (11385)

On 08/09/2011 at 12:23am - misc - by **(: - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML

#17388195
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23295) - you deserved it (5618)

On 08/06/2011 at 3:10pm - misc - by lostforwords (woman) - Ireland (Tipperary)

Today, someone broke into my car just to steal the freshly baked cookies in the back seat. They also left a thank you note. FML

#17384157
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29139) - you deserved it (3348)

On 08/06/2011 at 1:53am - misc - by nomorecookies - United States (Missouri)

Today, my house was raided for drugs. I had to find out my father is a drug dealer. The cops then told me this wasn't their first time here, but it was the first time I was home to see it. They said it was nice to finally meet me. FML

#17375446
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48101) - you deserved it (2391)

On 08/05/2011 at 4:41am - misc - by thehumanshield - United States (California)

Today, I went into a crowded store and tried out a blazer. I was thinking to myself how hot I looked in it when the manager tapped me on the shoulder and politely said, "Excuse me sir, that's a ladies' blazer." FML

#17374086
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24744) - you deserved it (9468)

On 08/05/2011 at 1:45am - misc - by Fred - Japan

Today, my boyfriend and I snuck into the bathroom together at his house for a quickie. Just as we unzipped our pants, his step-dad knocked on the door. Panicking, I jumped into the closet to hide. When his step-dad came in, he went to put some towels away. In the closet. FML

#17355193
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13767) - you deserved it (37463)

On 08/03/2011 at 1:03pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got a complaint from my neighbor about a little girl staring at her through my guest bedroom window for the past month. I live alone. And now I'm scared to live in my own house. FML

#17349963
376 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53234) - you deserved it (3274)

On 08/03/2011 at 12:04am - misc - by soccerbuddyz - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by tossing the ring at me and saying "Here, wear this." FML

#17194109
355 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48120) - you deserved it (7813)

On 07/20/2011 at 7:07pm - love - by Username - United States

Today, I woke up to a scream downstairs. My 13 year-old daughter was trying to bite her little brother's neck. No matter how hard I try, she will not believe that she is NOT and NEVER WILL BE a vampire. FML

#17162129
469 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38122) - you deserved it (5697)

On 07/18/2011 at 11:17am - kids - by xBubbles38 - United States

Today, my new neighbor informed me with great relish that the house I have just bought is haunted because 30 years ago a man shot himself in the kitchen. I'm now paying a huge mortgage on a house I'm frightened to be alone in. FML

#17104871
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21896) - you deserved it (8267)

On 07/14/2011 at 4:59am - misc - by Boo (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my father spent half an hour trying to convert my cat to Christianity. He has already done this with my other two cats. He's completely serious and thinks they are born-again Christians. FML

#17072330
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31323) - you deserved it (2869)

On 07/11/2011 at 10:15pm - animals - by CatOwner (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, as I passed my fiancé the pancakes I had just made, he vocalised his happiness with a groan that was EXACTLY like the one he makes when we have sex. So on a sexiness rating, I'm a pancake. FML

#16830910
353 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35390) - you deserved it (9747)

On 06/24/2011 at 6:45am - intimacy - by Eve (woman) - Ireland (Cork)

Today, as I passed my fiancé the pancakes I had just made, he vocalised his happiness with a groan that was EXACTLY like the one he makes when we have sex. So on a sexiness rating, I'm a pancake. FML

#16830910
353 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35390) - you deserved it (9747)

On 06/24/2011 at 6:45am - intimacy - by Eve (woman) - Ireland (Cork)

Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML

#16200408
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20263) - you deserved it (60869)

On 05/16/2011 at 1:40am - intimacy - by phoenix101 -



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: