Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (5 hours ago) | Search for a member
About VeganVampyre : No, I'm not actually vegan. I am a vampire though ;)
The name is because of an amazing novel called "Suck It Up". Read it. Now. The pic is me at Hallowe'en dressed as a vampire. I hope that's why you're here because I can't imagine why else you would be.
I don't care if this is the Internet, learn proper English! The Grammar Nazis WILL come for you! Of course, I am an English major so maybe I care more than most :P
I love reading, music, volleyball, snowboarding, and rock climbing. And sarcasm. Feel free to message me now that the app has that ability! :)
"I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request." That is all. Have a nice day =)
Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
I’m your new creative director
You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.
Today, I rode my new motorcycle to work for the first time. As I accelerated, I felt a sharp pain in my neck. Apparently, poisonous spiders can actually get trapped inside motorbike helmets. Duly noted. FML
Today, I was working my shift at our local nursing home. I was assisting a "sweet", "innocent" 100-year-old lady, and she had a bunch of used tissues balled up in her lap, so I offered to dispose of them in the waste-basket. She told me that if I touched them, she would kill everything I love. FML
Today, the clock in the study lounge was off, so I was half-an-hour late to class. I was too embarrassed to walk in late, so I sat for the next half-hour with my ear against the door trying to hear the lecture. People stopped to ask if there was something wrong with me. Yeah, probably. FML
Today, my girlfriend was telling me how sometimes things seem pretty impressive at first, but can turn out to be colossal disappointments when you try them out. "Like your cock," she bitterly finished. FML
Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML
Today, I received a lovely letter from the council telling me I have to cease the act of "breeding and selling cats" because someone from my Facebook reported me. I'm pretty sure I've never owned a cat or had one in my house. FML
Today, my daughter found out what happens when my husband watches Mythbusters and doesn't heed the disclaimer to "Not try this at home." He feels bad about her cut face, but says he's proud he can throw a playing card that hard. FML
Friday 28 November 2014