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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Valkerion

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Valkerion
  • Town/Country : California, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 422
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Valkerion's favorite FMLs

Today, I gave my girlfriend a small stun gun I bought for her. She mentioned how she thought it was ''cute'', though it probably wouldn't help if someone was after her. She then put the tazer to my chest. When I woke up, she told me how it was my fault, for buying it for her. FML

#4414579 (125)

I agree, your life sucks (35474) - you deserved it (9414)

On 08/09/2009 at 10:13pm - health - by Ducati (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I gathered both mine and my girlfriend's families secretly to a restaurant. I paid the restaurant to play romantic music, and paid for the best table available. As soon as we finished our meal, our families gathered around and I proposed. She laughed and said no way. FML

#4405336 (205)

I agree, your life sucks (74795) - you deserved it (5562)

On 08/09/2009 at 9:48am - love - by gtrs750 (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I found out that not only has my father been cheating on my mother with another woman, but they have a child together with the same name as me. FML

#4403752 (180)

I agree, your life sucks (75388) - you deserved it (2061)

On 08/09/2009 at 5:26am - misc - by redbluegreen (woman) - United States (Oregon)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out that when you chase a couple of squirrels off your porch for irritating your dogs, sometimes they chase you back. FML

#4397951 (98)

I agree, your life sucks (26870) - you deserved it (10111)

On 08/09/2009 at 12:22am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, while entering the building I live in, I walked into my neighbor who winked at me and said last night must have been great. After I asked why, he said he could hear my girlfriend moaning and screaming, and that I must be pretty good at it. I was just coming back from a week overseas. FML

#4394245 (87)

I agree, your life sucks (55319) - you deserved it (1994)

On 08/08/2009 at 9:56pm - intimacy - by ouch (man) - Brazil (Rio Grande do Sul)

Today, I went to Knott's Berry Farm with my girlfriend. After we got off of Supreme Scream, the ride attendant asked her, "How was it?" She pointed to me and said, "It's like sex with this man, my boyfriend; intense, then disappointing because it only lasts like 30 seconds." FML

#4393930 (108)

I agree, your life sucks (42470) - you deserved it (8200)

On 08/08/2009 at 9:41pm - intimacy - by blank13 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I rescheduled my doctor's appointment for a tetanus shot to go camping with my friends. While running on a path at the camp site, I stepped on a rusty nail that went right through my shoe and into my foot. Maybe I should have kept my appointment. FML

#4363957 (86)

I agree, your life sucks (24004) - you deserved it (15867)

On 08/07/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by terpity12 - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I was having sex with my husband. As I was undressing, he said, "Arr, I spy me some booty!" I let it go, I'm used to his embarassing pirate talk. But as he orgasmed, he screamed, "I'VE FOUND THE BURIED TREASURE!" My neighbors heard in the apartment next door and called to let me know. FML

#4361327 (185)

I agree, your life sucks (41546) - you deserved it (4938)

On 08/07/2009 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by piratequeen (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my parents came to the restaurant I work at as a waiter. After, I picked up the check to realize they had left me a $500 tip! We split the tips among the employees so I only got $50 back but I was still psyched. When I got home they asked me if I had noticed that they used my credit card. FML

#4359168 (164)

I agree, your life sucks (46493) - you deserved it (4511)

On 08/07/2009 at 11:23am - money - by goin4broke (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML

#4357009 (159)

I agree, your life sucks (44192) - you deserved it (7987)

On 08/07/2009 at 7:17am - intimacy - by nikkrissa_04 (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I went out drinking with a female friend I've been crushing on for a while now. After we'd been talking and had a few, She said 'Man, I haven't gotten laid in months! Do you mind?'. Surprised but hopeful, I nodded. She leaned over, hugged me, and went to hit on a guy at the bar. FML

#4356438 (96)

I agree, your life sucks (35203) - you deserved it (3345)

On 08/07/2009 at 5:43am - love - by ineedanotherdrink (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was taking a serious shit when the light bulb burned out. I am terrified of the dark and began wailing and crying. My mom had to pick the lock and get me out. I'm a 17 year old guy and captain of the Varsity football team. My little brother recorded it and plans on showing everyone. FML

#4350390 (248)

I agree, your life sucks (17881) - you deserved it (43933)

On 08/07/2009 at 12:11am - misc - by scaredshitless (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while I was walking downtown a homeless person asked me for a dollar. I thought it would be funny to wave the dollar in his face and taunt him. I guess he thought it would be funny to stab me in the leg with a pencil. FML

#4331370 (815)

I agree, your life sucks (649) - you deserved it (278629)

On 08/06/2009 at 9:35am - misc - by who_could_it_be - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I came home to find a BMW partially blocking my driveway. I was already having a bad day, and was upset that some stuck up fool blocked my driveway, so I keyed the driver's side. 5 minutes later my parents show up. The BMW was a graduation gift for me. FML

#3553930 (425)

I agree, your life sucks (10849) - you deserved it (125436)

On 07/07/2009 at 1:25pm - misc - by Stoopid (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at the mall with my mom. She was pissing me off, so I started screaming at her and causing a scene. I ended up falling all the way down the up escalator. Everyone saw and people clapped. FML

#2804463 (803)

I agree, your life sucks (17344) - you deserved it (171791)

On 06/11/2009 at 3:49pm - misc - by ouchers (woman) - United States (Texas)