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About UberFail79 : I am a Houston police officer, and I am slightly paranoid.
I have a wife of 4 years (yes, ladies, I am taken) ;), and 2 kids and a large extended family.
Don't let my paranoid statements disturb you; that's just what the Marine Corps can do to someone who's already a little bit gun-crazy like me (I have more guns than I do children).
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, after ordering pizza, I heard some strange noises coming from my basement so I called the cops. The pizza came fifteen minutes before the cops. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10433) - you deserved it (1529)
On 06/25/2011 at 10:21am - misc - by woahheylex - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32428) - you deserved it (8889)
On 08/22/2010 at 2:58am - kids - by Bailey - United States (Nebraska)
Today, I was sitting down in a store when a stroller stopped by me. While the parents were fixing the strap, the baby looked at me, gasped, looked at me again, gasped, and then screamed. Ten minutes later, another baby looked at me and screamed. My face scares babies. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21316) - you deserved it (2471)
On 02/20/2010 at 7:03pm - kids - by Scaryman (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I chuckled at a "no smoking' sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and lit my hair on fire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2956) - you deserved it (39092)
On 02/18/2010 at 8:11pm - misc - by kaycie_lynn (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, my boyfriend and I were having a make-out session in the backseat of his car, when we heard a voice coming from his pants. Who did he pocket dial? My house. At midnight, when I was supposed to be home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7471) - you deserved it (19938)
On 01/28/2010 at 3:21pm - love - by Whoops - Sent from mobile version
Today, I found out a friend of mine likes me. It wasn't by a cute gesture like a sweet little note, or a beautiful heartfelt confession like you might expect. He sprang at my boyfriend and choked him (while I strained to pull him off). Right during the middle of our 60+ student populated class. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18274) - you deserved it (1725)
On 01/28/2010 at 3:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She came over to see me one last time. We hugged for minutes and cried; it was a touching moment. Just after she left, I realized my wallet that I had on the table beside us was gone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26800) - you deserved it (3046)
On 01/10/2010 at 4:50pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, while playing spin the bottle, my two spins landed on two really pretty girls. The first girl I missed and kissed her chin. The second girl I headbutted and gave a nosebleed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8314) - you deserved it (26372)
On 01/10/2010 at 1:13pm - love - by Olihime (man) - United Kingdom (Leicester)
Today, I dressed up, went over to my boyfriend and told him he could do anything he wanted. He said nothing and walked outside. I figured he'd come back in shortly, but when I looked out the window a few minutes later, he was building a snowman. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20624) - you deserved it (7735)
On 01/09/2010 at 4:20pm - love - by dollybabe (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)
Today, a Milkbone commercial came on TV. At the end of it, they whistle and throw a Milkbone across the screen, prompting my 100lb German Shepherd to leap off the couch and run head on into my new plasma screen TV. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35886) - you deserved it (3029)
On 11/03/2009 at 1:11pm - misc - by doglover (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31590) - you deserved it (473871)
On 06/11/2009 at 12:06pm - misc - by I_Am_The_Edge (man) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out. All of a sudden, we hear "pop goes the weasel" outside my house. My boyfriend stops and excitedly says, "ICE CREAM MAN", flips me over, grabs his clothes, and runs out of my room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (81570) - you deserved it (11214)
On 04/30/2009 at 8:15am - intimacy - by soooyeah (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was bored and decided it would be fun to pretend to be an undercover cop and pull over other cars. The first car I pulled over was a real undercover cop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19823) - you deserved it (185762)
On 04/16/2009 at 8:19pm - misc - by tvaladie (man) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I forgot to do my French homework, but since it was an online worksheet, I told my teacher my internet wasn't working. I told her with an e-mail. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42632) - you deserved it (500352)
On 02/28/2009 at 2:07pm - misc - by ihavepinkbackpac (woman) - United States (California)
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