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UberFail79

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UberFail79
  • Town/Country : Houston, Texas
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 9 January 1981 (33 years)
  • Number of visits : 700
  • Number of comments : 163
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About UberFail79 : I am a Houston police officer, and I am slightly paranoid.
I have a wife of 4 years (yes, ladies, I am taken) ;), and 2 kids and a large extended family.
Don't let my paranoid statements disturb you; that's just what the Marine Corps can do to someone who's already a little bit gun-crazy like me (I have more guns than I do children).

UberFail79's last visitors

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UberFail79's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

UberFail79's favorite FMLs

Today, after ordering pizza, I heard some strange noises coming from my basement so I called the cops. The pizza came fifteen minutes before the cops. FML

#16848104
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28348) - you deserved it (4571)

On 06/25/2011 at 10:21am - misc - by woahheylex - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML

#12677495
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39216) - you deserved it (11945)

On 08/22/2010 at 2:58am - kids - by Bailey - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was sitting down in a store when a stroller stopped by me. While the parents were fixing the strap, the baby looked at me, gasped, looked at me again, gasped, and then screamed. Ten minutes later, another baby looked at me and screamed. My face scares babies. FML

#8488357
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26461) - you deserved it (3366)

On 02/20/2010 at 7:03pm - kids - by Scaryman (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I chuckled at a "no smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML

#8417763
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4618) - you deserved it (58134)

On 02/18/2010 at 8:11pm - misc - by kaycie_lynn (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a make-out session in the backseat of his car, when we heard a voice coming from his pants. Who did he pocket dial? My house. At midnight, when I was supposed to be home. FML

#7644201
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8113) - you deserved it (22141)

On 01/28/2010 at 3:21pm - love - by Whoops - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out a friend of mine likes me. It wasn't by a cute gesture like a sweet little note, or a beautiful heartfelt confession like you might expect. He sprang at my boyfriend and choked him (while I strained to pull him off). Right during the middle of our 60+ student populated class. FML

#7635822
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20423) - you deserved it (1912)

On 01/28/2010 at 3:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She came over to see me one last time. We hugged for minutes and cried; it was a touching moment. Just after she left, I realized my wallet that I had on the table beside us was gone. FML

#7261077
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33470) - you deserved it (4154)

On 01/10/2010 at 4:50pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, while playing spin the bottle, my two spins landed on two really pretty girls. The first girl I missed and kissed her chin. The second girl I headbutted and gave a nosebleed. FML

#7258041
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9099) - you deserved it (28767)

On 01/10/2010 at 1:13pm - love - by Olihime (man) - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, I dressed up, went over to my boyfriend and told him he could do anything he wanted. He said nothing and walked outside. I figured he'd come back in shortly, but when I looked out the window a few minutes later, he was building a snowman. FML

#7239048
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23490) - you deserved it (8384)

On 01/09/2010 at 4:20pm - love - by dollybabe (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I dressed up, went over to my boyfriend and told him he could do anything he wanted. He said nothing and walked outside. I figured he'd come back in shortly, but when I looked out the window a few minutes later, he was building a snowman. FML

#7239048
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23490) - you deserved it (8384)

On 01/09/2010 at 4:20pm - love - by dollybabe (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I was bored and decided it would be fun to pretend to be an undercover cop and pull over other cars. The first car I pulled over was a real undercover cop. FML

#1033363
307 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27380) - you deserved it (258291)

On 04/16/2009 at 8:19pm - misc - by tvaladie (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I forgot to do my French homework, but since it was an online worksheet, I told my teacher my internet wasn't working. I told her with an e-mail. FML

#161178
992 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58853) - you deserved it (643246)

On 02/28/2009 at 2:07pm - misc - by ihavepinkbackpac (woman) - United States (California)



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