UberFail79

Search for a member

UberFail79

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 9 January 1981 (35 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1072
  • Number of comments : 163
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About UberFail79 : I am a Houston police officer, and I am slightly paranoid.
I have a wife of 4 years (yes, ladies, I am taken) ;), and 2 kids and a large extended family.
Don't let my paranoid statements disturb you; that's just what the Marine Corps can do to someone who's already a little bit gun-crazy like me (I have more guns than I do children).

UberFail79's page activity

Visits<b>Feklfekl2222</b> - the 07/14/2015 at 7:13pm<b>HoboMeth</b> - the 06/08/2015 at 1:06pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 05/04/2015 at 1:16pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/27/2015 at 11:35pm<b>soccercrewluv10</b> - the 03/27/2015 at 11:03am<b>piedpiper303</b> - the 02/20/2015 at 2:11pm<b>Jessica00</b> - the 02/02/2015 at 9:29am<b>TheDoctor10</b> - the 06/05/2014 at 6:53pm<b>KitzaKid69</b> - the 02/10/2014 at 1:54am<b>Thatgirl299</b> - the 02/08/2014 at 6:35am<b>Fidge86</b> - the 01/29/2014 at 12:44pm<b>ugotpied</b> - the 01/22/2014 at 9:07am<b>alexmac222</b> - the 12/28/2013 at 10:05am<b>kangarookie</b> - the 07/11/2013 at 3:32pm<b>IowaCowgirl</b> - the 06/25/2013 at 11:15pm<b>y012345</b> - the 01/11/2013 at 12:04am<b></b> - the 01/10/2011 at 11:08pm<b>alaynaville</b> - the 03/17/2010 at 1:54pm

UberFail79's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

UberFail79's favorite FMLs

Today, after ordering pizza, I heard some strange noises coming from my basement so I called the cops. The pizza came fifteen minutes before the cops. FML

by woahheylex / 06/25/2011 at 10:21am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML

by Bailey / 08/22/2010 at 2:58am / United States (Nebraska) / Kids

Today, I was sitting down in a store when a stroller stopped by me. While the parents were fixing the strap, the baby looked at me, gasped, looked at me again, gasped, and then screamed. Ten minutes later, another baby looked at me and screamed. My face scares babies. FML

by Scaryman / 02/20/2010 at 7:03pm / United States (Maryland) / Kids

Today, I chuckled at a "no smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML

by kaycie_lynn / 02/18/2010 at 8:11pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a make-out session in the backseat of his car, when we heard a voice coming from his pants. Who did he pocket dial? My house. At midnight, when I was supposed to be home. FML

by Whoops / 01/28/2010 at 3:21pm / Love

Today, I found out a friend of mine likes me. It wasn't by a cute gesture like a sweet little note, or a beautiful heartfelt confession like you might expect. He sprang at my boyfriend and choked him (while I strained to pull him off). Right during the middle of our 60+ student populated class. FML

by Anonymous / 01/28/2010 at 3:09am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She came over to see me one last time. We hugged for minutes and cried; it was a touching moment. Just after she left, I realized my wallet that I had on the table beside us was gone. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2010 at 4:50pm / United States / Love

Today, while playing spin the bottle, my two spins landed on two really pretty girls. The first girl I missed and kissed her chin. The second girl I headbutted and gave a nosebleed. FML

by Olihime / 01/10/2010 at 1:13pm / United Kingdom (Leicester) / Love

Today, I dressed up, went over to my boyfriend and told him he could do anything he wanted. He said nothing and walked outside. I figured he'd come back in shortly, but when I looked out the window a few minutes later, he was building a snowman. FML

by dollybabe / 01/09/2010 at 4:20pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Love

Today, I dressed up, went over to my boyfriend and told him he could do anything he wanted. He said nothing and walked outside. I figured he'd come back in shortly, but when I looked out the window a few minutes later, he was building a snowman. FML

by dollybabe / 01/09/2010 at 4:20pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Love

Today, a Milkbone commercial came on TV. At the end of it, they whistle and throw a Milkbone across the screen, prompting my 100lb German Shepherd to leap off the couch and run head on into my new plasma screen TV. FML

by doglover / 11/03/2009 at 1:11pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML

by I_Am_The_Edge / 06/11/2009 at 12:06pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out. All of a sudden, we hear "pop goes the weasel" outside my house. My boyfriend stops and excitedly says, "ICE CREAM MAN", flips me over, grabs his clothes, and runs out of my room. FML

by soooyeah / 04/30/2009 at 8:15am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I was bored and decided it would be fun to pretend to be an undercover cop and pull over other cars. The first car I pulled over was a real undercover cop. FML

by tvaladie / 04/16/2009 at 8:19pm / United States (Tennessee) / Transportation

Today, I forgot to do my French homework, but since it was an online worksheet, I told my teacher my internet wasn't working. I told her with an e-mail. FML

by ihavepinkbackpac / 02/28/2009 at 2:07pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous