Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

TwoXMike

Offline (18 hours ago) | Search for a member

TwoXMike

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 10 October 1991 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1132
  • Number of comments : 21
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

TwoXMike's page activity

Visits<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 08/03/2015 at 1:19pm<b>Kvothee</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 11:19am<b>twice_shy2015</b> - the 04/17/2015 at 2:17pm<b>shmoooopie</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 1:01am<b>toomanyidiots</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 6:34pm<b>HairIsEverything</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 5:16pm<b>Andrewski12</b> - the 04/11/2015 at 2:04pm<b>ZachHatesPeople</b> - the 03/03/2015 at 9:39am<b>JokerPajamas</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 8:35am<b>Jillian369</b> - the 02/22/2015 at 6:35am<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 02/22/2015 at 12:53am<b>jillylamb</b> - the 01/28/2015 at 4:35pm<b>xwingtwo</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 4:07pm<b>NomadicPie</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 3:45pm<b>jleon3</b> - the 01/19/2015 at 12:25am<b>LilTiki559</b> - the 01/03/2014 at 5:36am<b>UsEumYong</b> - the 09/19/2013 at 10:38pm<b>akma9</b> - the 09/13/2013 at 8:51pm

TwoXMike's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of TwoXMike's badges

TwoXMike's favorite FMLs

Today, I spent half-an-hour trapped inside my dog's crate. The door locked behind me as I squeezed myself inside to stroke her. After bellowing at my family in the garden for what felt like an eternity, they came through just to laugh and take pictures. FML

#21412642
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24355) - you deserved it (8394)

On 05/19/2015 at 4:58pm - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Scottish Borders, The)

Today, my grandpa told me he was going to be eating out tonight, and I asked at which restaurant. He replied "Your gran's room." and winked. I didn't need that mental image, at all. FML

#21409445
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31188) - you deserved it (2910)

On 05/13/2015 at 12:00pm - misc - by -_- (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and I somehow got into the conversation of what the weirdest thing we have ever found in food was. She said she found paper in her fortune cookie; she was serious. FML

#21406274
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28670) - you deserved it (2504)

On 05/07/2015 at 3:52pm - misc - by Random737193 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I finally got my 14-year-old son to aim while using the bathroom. If only I could get my husband to do the same. FML

#21404795
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27189) - you deserved it (2820)

On 05/04/2015 at 10:03pm - kids - by JustSom - United States (Virginia)

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by taking his new car to the automatic car wash. As soon as the water started, I realized that I forgot to close the sunroof. FML

#21404700
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14690) - you deserved it (24961)

On 05/04/2015 at 7:08pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, I kept hearing a child creepily giggling in my living room. I couldn't sleep and got so scared that I started considering hiring an exorcist. Long story short: be careful if you have Bluetooth speakers, because your dickhead neighbor might hack them and start fucking with you. FML

#21401745
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33901) - you deserved it (4529)

On 04/29/2015 at 1:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, it was my 18th birthday and I was told I couldn't get the night off work because a party of 34 had booked into the restaurant. It turned out my family had come in to 'celebrate' by making me wait on them. They were a nightmare, thought it was hilarious to be difficult, and didn't tip. FML

#21398382
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39554) - you deserved it (2629)

On 04/23/2015 at 8:28am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Dundee City)

Today, I read my 10-year-old sister's diary. That's how I found out about her disturbingly detailed plan to murder me, make it look like suicide, date my boyfriend after helping him get over my death, then marry him. FML

#21395572
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39516) - you deserved it (5120)

On 04/18/2015 at 3:01am - kids - by Anonymus (woman) - Sweden

Today, my brother in law brought a dead rabbit to my nephew saying, "I found the Easter Bunny!" My nephew started crying hours ago and hasn't stopped. FML

#21388202
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28751) - you deserved it (2183)

On 04/05/2015 at 6:19pm - animals - by :O - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my mom called 5 times and I didn't pick up due to being in class at college. I was later called to the front desk, where my mom was crying. She said she was worried about me because I didn't say "I love you" to her after she dropped me off at college. FML

#21387594
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32546) - you deserved it (3983)

On 04/04/2015 at 3:32pm - misc - by gooddaydude (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I am seven months pregnant with my third child. I woke up to my two-and-a-half year old trying to "pop the balloon" in my tummy. FML

#21384638
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27290) - you deserved it (3182)

On 03/31/2015 at 8:56am - kids - by mokki - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after months of job hunting, I finally got a phone call. They were impressed with me. That's when my son decided to throw a tantrum asking for food. After some silence, the caller told me they were looking for someone who wasn't juggling little kids at home and hung up. My son is 20. FML

#21377225
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34636) - you deserved it (5477)

On 03/18/2015 at 5:26pm - kids - by Stressed Mother (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while working at McDonald's, a guy asked me to deep fry his salad. FML

#21376328
105 comments

Today, I decided to have cereal for breakfast. I poured the cereal in the bowl, added the milk and had a spoonful. Then I realized that my cereal was moving in the back of my mouth. FML

#21374137
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32109) - you deserved it (3595)

On 03/13/2015 at 11:27pm - misc - by Eddy (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I ate a wonderful meal, after which I fell asleep on my couch and had a dream that my husband was passionately kissing me. I woke up to realize it was actually my cat licking bits of food out of my teeth. FML



FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #17
  • It's here! Yep, time once more to delve into the darkest corners of the FML postbag and check out the stuff that never would've seen the light of day, had we not had a vicious streak in our brains. It's…

Tuesday 25 August 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: