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TwoXMike

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TwoXMike
  • Town/Country : Melbourne, Australia
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 10 October 1991 (22 years)
  • Number of visits : 297
  • Number of comments : 9
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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TwoXMike's favorite FMLs

Today, I got billed for $80 of Justin Bieber music. It wouldn't have been so bad if it were my daughter who bought it all, instead of my husband. FML

#21096936
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38885) - you deserved it (3571)

On 03/26/2014 at 2:00pm - misc - by husbands addiction - United States (California)

Today, I'm eight months pregnant with my second child. My 18-month-old son loves to watch my belly move when his baby brother moves. And then loves to smack my belly. It's going to be a long eighteen years. FML

Today, my brother and I took our cars to get oil changes. While we were there, a guy asked if we were dating. When we told him we were siblings, he responded with, "So?" FML

Today, during a lecture, my teacher jokingly talked about the time he was best buds with George Washington. Another student then asked, "Really? You knew him?" I'm in an advanced placement U.S. history class. FML

#21065125
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37655) - you deserved it (2962)

On 02/19/2014 at 12:12am - work - by Dsark (man) - United States (California)

Today, while driving, I saw a dog run across the road. Feeling sorry for the pup on a cold, rainy night, I pulled my car over to pick it up. Once in, it started freaking out so I turned on the light. It was then that I realized I'd just put a wild coyote on my passenger seat. FML

Today, I was out with my girlfriend at a club. As a slow dance began, a guy approached and asked, "May I cut in?" My girlfriend surprised me by saying, "Sure!" As I was about to protest, the guy cut me off and said, "Sorry miss, I was asking him." FML

#21059471
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44169) - you deserved it (5976)

On 02/13/2014 at 8:31pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML

#21058991
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45024) - you deserved it (15889)

On 02/13/2014 at 10:20am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, the highlight of my day was when I figured out that my little brother's toy dump truck could actually dump stuff out. I'm 18. FML

#21048030
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33756) - you deserved it (6498)

On 02/02/2014 at 11:13am - misc - by LarissaT18 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, after working my shift at McDonalds, I went to clock in at my dispatch job. During a 911 call, I blurted, "Would you like to try the McRib while it's back?" FML

#21023934
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44399) - you deserved it (8166)

On 01/10/2014 at 9:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a figure holding a knife above me. After I screamed in terror, the figure burst into laughter. It was my mom. She did this as payback for me not washing the dishes last night after making food. FML

#21016927
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38264) - you deserved it (15056)

On 01/04/2014 at 6:43pm - misc - by awkwardpartybear (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my son was playing The Sims, when I saw him remove the door to a room and set it on fire with a Sim trapped inside. I chuckled at first, until I saw that the Sim was me. Meanwhile, my wife's Sim was happily painting in the next room, not giving a crap. All too accurate, sadly. FML

#21015673
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44658) - you deserved it (4813)

On 01/03/2014 at 4:50pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my dad is going through a midlife crisis. He now wants to be less like a dad and more like a "best friend" to me. This mainly involves him constantly texting me, sending me stuff on Snapchat, and saying stuff like "wicked cool", "bazinga", and "swag" every chance he gets. FML

#21014175
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42029) - you deserved it (4162)

On 01/02/2014 at 12:07pm - misc - by fuck off, dad (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my 4-year-old daughter figured out how to set a parental code lock on our television so we can't watch football because it scares her when we scream. She won't tell us no matter what we bribe her with. FML

#21010264
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42418) - you deserved it (21679)

On 12/30/2013 at 7:10am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I pulled over a speeding driver. I admit that I'd been hoping for this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady put her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket. Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, and her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons. FML

#20977282
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43181) - you deserved it (19271)

On 12/01/2013 at 6:07pm - work - by fuck my eyeballs (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was taking some clean bedsheets down from the top of the wardrobe. As I pulled the top sheet down, a cat jumped onto my face, claws and all, before falling to the floor and running away. Thing is, I don't own a cat and I have no idea where in the house it has hidden now. FML

#20972130
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39176) - you deserved it (2296)

On 11/27/2013 at 2:08am - animals - by Seriously_Scaredy_Cat - United States



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Thursday 10 April 2014

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