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TwoXMike's favorite FMLs
Today, I spent half-an-hour trapped inside my dog's crate. The door locked behind me as I squeezed myself inside to stroke her. After bellowing at my family in the garden for what felt like an eternity, they came through just to laugh and take pictures. FML
by Anonymous / 05/19/2015 at 4:58pm / United Kingdom (Scottish Borders, The) / Animals
by -_- / 05/13/2015 at 12:00pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Random737193 / 05/07/2015 at 3:52pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
by JustSom / 05/04/2015 at 10:03pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids
by Anonymous / 05/04/2015 at 7:08pm / United States (Kansas) / Health
Today, I kept hearing a child creepily giggling in my living room. I couldn't sleep and got so scared that I started considering hiring an exorcist. Long story short: be careful if you have Bluetooth speakers, because your dickhead neighbor might hack them and start fucking with you. FML
by Anonymous / 04/29/2015 at 1:42pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, it was my 18th birthday and I was told I couldn't get the night off work because a party of 34 had booked into the restaurant. It turned out my family had come in to 'celebrate' by making me wait on them. They were a nightmare, thought it was hilarious to be difficult, and didn't tip. FML
by Anonymous / 04/23/2015 at 8:28am / United Kingdom (Dundee City) / Work
Today, I read my 10-year-old sister's diary. That's how I found out about her disturbingly detailed plan to murder me, make it look like suicide, date my boyfriend after helping him get over my death, then marry him. FML
by Anonymus / 04/18/2015 at 3:01am / Sweden / Kids
by :O / 04/05/2015 at 6:19pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Animals
Today, my mom called 5 times and I didn't pick up due to being in class at college. I was later called to the front desk, where my mom was crying. She said she was worried about me because I didn't say "I love you" to her after she dropped me off at college. FML
by gooddaydude / 04/04/2015 at 3:32pm / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous
by mokki / 03/31/2015 at 8:56am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, after months of job hunting, I finally got a phone call. They were impressed with me. That's when my son decided to throw a tantrum asking for food. After some silence, the caller told me they were looking for someone who wasn't juggling little kids at home and hung up. My son is 20. FML
by Stressed Mother / 03/18/2015 at 5:26pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
by spicybasement / 03/17/2015 at 11:38am / Canada (Alberta) / Work
by Eddy / 03/13/2015 at 11:27pm / United States (Arkansas) / Animals
Today, I ate a wonderful meal, after which I fell asleep on my couch and had a dream that my husband was passionately kissing me. I woke up to realize it was actually my cat licking bits of food out of my teeth. FML
by laureri / 03/13/2015 at 5:45pm / United States (New Jersey) / Animals
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…